


The man on the ledge

by cookie_book_took



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternative Meet, Amputee Bucky Barnes, Angst with a Happy Ending, Beating, Blow Jobs, Body Shaming, Boys Kissing, Buckys a stripper, Clint and Bucky friendship, Creepy Brock Rumlow, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Evil Alexander Pierce, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Pierce is a bastard, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Sex, Sex Worker Bucky Barnes, Slow Burn, Steve is lovely, Verbal Humiliation, Violence, bucky loves steve, by Pierce, humiliation sex, not by steve, steve is cap, steve loves bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-08-23 11:35:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 59,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8326321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookie_book_took/pseuds/cookie_book_took
Summary: A simple hiking expedition turns dire when one of the party fall. The man in question, Bucky Barnes, a gloating stripper that managed to do the impossible, anger Captain America.Both Steve's and Bucky's lives are turned upside down by the accident, Bucky struggling to cope with his changed body and the abuse he recieves for it and Steve finding it difficult to pin-point his pull to the brunette, whether guilt or something more.One things for sure, it's better for both of them when they're together.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve knew he was a patient man, considerate of everyone. The serum had amplified all the unique quality’s of his mind as well as his physical attributes. So, to irritate him without being affiliated with Hydra or some other lunatic organisation, was quite impressive.
> 
>  
> 
> Bucky Barnes had managed to do so, in the space of three hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Riiiiite, new fic and as always this will most probably have dark elements.  
> Unbeta'd, so there will be typo's  
> Steve/Bucky of course! Theres no fitter couple in the universe.  
> Read the tags if unsure, I'll warn for the dark chapters.  
> Yeah....hope you enjoy :P

Steve knew he was a patient man, considerate of everyone. The serum had amplified all the unique quality’s of his mind as well as his physical attributes. So, to irritate him without being affiliated with Hydra or some other lunatic organisation, was quite impressive.

 

Bucky Barnes had managed to do so, in the space of three hours. The constant whining and bitching, worse than any child in a car _ever_. Everyone else had grown tired of hearing about his aching feet and his frozen fingertips, they’d marched the trail in record time, leaving Steve and the smug-ass Bucky behind.

 

“Wha’s their problem?”  
Steve hummed, tapping his forefinger on his lip before replying, “think it’s you...”  
“Me? What have I done.”  
“Moaned constantly that your cold, even though I said at the start to put more layers on.”  
Bucky hissed a breath, “you wanted me to wear that stinking old coat-  
“Would’ve kept you warm-  
“You smell like the eighteen-hundreds but I don’t wanna.”  
The brunette pouted in Steve’s direction, pushing his plump lips out which were bluing at the edges.

 

At the start of the trek, Steve had no idea who Bucky was, Sam quickly filled him in. Bucky was a prestige stripper, the top attraction at one of Alexander Pierces establishments. Steve hadn’t ever seen him, had never ventured with Sam and Tony to the strip clubs, but Sam knew of him. Grumbled that he danced too sexually with one of the girl’s he liked there.

 

“Slow it down action man!”  
Steve huffed, using his laser intensifying stare on the snow in front of him. Bucky trailed behind at snail pace, taking far too many selfies. Each time Steve whipped around to glare at him, he was sporting a different pair of shades.  
His own irritated face glared back at him through the brunettes aviators.  
“Why don’t you save the pictures till the top-  
“I’ll be sweating and panting at the top, won’t make a good photo, but right now I look good-  
“Most people wanna see the view, not inflate their egos-  
Bucky barked a laugh, smacking a hand down on Steve’s shoulder, “get you Mr grump...actually hold up-  
He tugged Steve’s shoulder towards him, positioning the phone in front of them both-  
“Smile that American smile.”  
Steve didn’t smile, in fact he was pretty sure he puffed out his nostrils and gritted his teeth for the picture, a small part of him was tempted to hurl the device off the side of the ridge.  
“Awww don’t we look good together.” Bucky cooed.  
“No we don’t.”  
“Oh come on, we’re like a ying-yang, your the grumpy blonde and I’m the fun loving brunette, we slot together.”  
Steve huffed, detaching himself from Bucky’s presence.

 

Steve had marvelled at Bucky at the beginning of the hike, who wouldn’t....his jaw was as sharp and breath-taking as the damn mountain, hair short but without a doubt graspable and his eyes were so sea-breeze blue he couldn’t speak when they made contact with his.

 

When Sam told him he was a stripper, Steve snorted a laugh, of course he was a bloody stripper, he looked so pleasing on the eye. His thought’s flashed with crude ones, wondering if the body beneath the clothes was just as attractive.  
Bucky had smirked like he read the blondes mind, scrunching his lips mimicking a kiss.  
Thank god Sam had stepped in and addressed the hiking party. There were ten novices, one guide leading the front and the avengers duo Steve and Sam. Tony had weaselled out of the hike and Sam was more than happy to accompany Steve on the adventure. They were climbing to the ridge, steep drop one side of them, sharp cliff on their other. It should’ve been so simple...but along came Bucky.

 

Steve lived by the moto never leave a man behind, but watching the grey spots of the rest of the hiking group disappearing made him rethink when that moto should be applied.  
“Slow down Grampo-pops.”

 

The pet names Bucky called out at him were getting more and more creative, more and more irritating for Steve to digest. Everyone else had called him Steve, just like he asked, but not Bucky. He spewed out names like hobbies, Stevieoo, red-white-n-bluey, Rogery Rogers, all made Steve savage his tongue. At first he flushed in embarrassment, hearing the amusement dancing in Bucky’s tone, but then he realised the other man was trying to irritate him, and after hours it had worked, the red blotching Steve’s cheeks was from pure annoyance.  
“My names Steve, an we’re taking too long.”  
“Calm down beef cake- ‘tis a mountain, it’ll wait...”  
Bucky had changed to another pair of shades, black hid his eyes and he pouted down at his phone.

 

“Right, that’s it-” Steve snatched the phone holding it higher than Bucky could reach, “no more till we’re at the top.”  
Bucky blew a raspberry, standing on tiptoes to reach Steve’s hand, he pressed his whole body to the blondes, face millimetres away.  
Up that close Steve could smell him, his musky aftershave, sweat and underneath, something exotic, something hot and spicy that made Steve’s mouth dry.

 

Bucky leaned in, the small puffs of breath made Steve’s lips tingle. Even though he was too close to see his mouth, Steve knew Bucky was smiling, could sense the naughty smugness rolling off him.  
Bucky pressed forward the final millimetre, nuzzling his nose against Steve’s.  
“Eskimo Kiss.” He laughed.  
Steve pulled away, sure even his toe nails were blushing.  
“Quit-quit being a jerk.” Oh god he sounded breathless...  
“Why stop something I’m good at.” Bucky pouted back.  
The brunette tried to reach for the phone again, thinking he’d distracted Steve enough. The blondes reflexes were much quicker and once his blood started going to his head again, he whipped it away.  
“When your at the top...”He managed to croak.  
“Okay...fine” Bucky breathed, “but you have to be in it too, and actually smile.”  
Steve flexed his coiled throat, managing only a nod at Bucky’s request.

 

The climb was for charity, all people making the trek were raising money, which made Steve question the brunettes motives. He didn’t look like the giving type, Steve shook away his naughty thoughts before they could grow.  
“Why you even here?”  
Bucky sighed dramatically fixing Steve with an iron stare, “been asking myself that for the last c’uple hours.”  
“You actually raising money? Or you conning it?”  
Bucky huffed a laugh, “ouch Mr America...I’m raising money, and the publicity will do me wonders.”  
“So you here for your own gain-  
“I’m here because my boyfriend thought it’d be a good idea.”  
“Lucky man...”Steve snarked.  
“Ain’t he just.” Came Bucky’s reply, grinning toothily in Steve’s direction.  
“Let’s just pick up the pace, sooner we get up, sooner we come down-“  
“I do love it when a man talks dirty to me.”

 

Steve rolled his eyes, growing tired of the endless innuendoes, he slowed so Bucky was forced to lead, taking on the chill of the breeze he hoped it would shut him up.  
Bucky took a step back, making Steve crash into his back.  
“Now, now Mr America, never would’ve guessed you felt like that...”  
Steve growled, marching past the smirking man, “screw this!”  
“Oh come on, don’t be like that...”  
Steve kept on, with his superior strength he could catch the others up, “we’ll get you on the way back.”  
“You can’t leave me-  
“Think you’ll find I can... You’ll be able to see us, routes clear.”

 

The sky was unbelievably so, they were approaching the ridge part of the climb. The blue stretched, the golden sun beamed down with no resistance from clouds, the snow compacted on the ground crunched underfoot which was oddly satisfying and the whole route sparkled like glitter. It was beautiful, it should’ve been an enjoyable day for all of them, full of happy smiles and laughter, but nope.  
“Oh come on, you still upset I insulted that woman at the start?”  
The lady in question, Bucky had thought was a man, told her much to her dismay-  
“She had that fur scarf round her chin, thought it was a beard. And seriously! Everyone’s wearing five layers of coats and winter hats, how was I to know?”  
It wasn’t the mistake that had irritated Steve, it was Bucky’s reaction after he realised. Howling with laughter and exclaiming she had a beard. The woman’s husband got dangerously close to punching the brunette and Steve was forced to put his intimidating bulk between the two.  
What was worse, Bucky went onto to tell the husband he’d been flirting his heart out and she’d been responding, even putting on a deep voice.  
“No I wasn’t!” The woman yelled-  
“Okay, maybe not the voice-“  
Both husband and wife closed the distance on Bucky and Steve had to shout for Sam...

 

“I-I didn’t mean anyt’ing by it.”  
Bucky’s voice was getting fainter, Steve steamrolled the route in front and the brunette was struggling to keep up.  
“You’ve spent the whole time dragging us down-  
“I’m cold, I’m sorry that I voice what’s going on-  
“We don’t need an update on your body, and if you’d of just wore that coat-  
“No thanks...”  
Steve shook his head but didn’t reply, vanity was more important that being comfortable. He’d collect Bucky on the way down, he wasn’t interested in reaching the top anyway, he’d been moving as slow as he possibly could, still had the cliff to his right, it hadn’t levelled for the start of the ridge climb, like it had for Steve.  
“Look- ‘m sorry.”  
“Come on pretty boy, move that ass of yours.” Steve lashed back grinning to himself.  
“’m tryin.”

 

Bucky panted with effort, finally rendered speechless at Steve’s relentless pace. Steve snorted a laugh, tugging Bucky’s phone from his pocket. He zoomed in, taking a picture of the exhausted brunette.  
Steve swiped the screen to bring up the image, Bucky’s nose was Rudolf red, cheeks pinking and mouth hanging open trying to get as much air in his lungs as possible. Steve felt his body stir, the desire to see Bucky look like that from his hands and mouth mapping his body.

 

“Steveeee.”

 

Bucky’s voice was faint, he hadn’t made much progress catching Steve even though he’d stopped still. He was glad the brunette wasn’t any closer, even though he wore a few layers of clothing his pants were tented from interest.  
Bucky scowled, held up his gloved hand for Steve to see and flicked him the bird. Steve raised an eyebrow with a satisfied smirk, finally the cocky brunette was getting a taste of his own medicine.  
The blonde turned, carrying on ahead, laughing when he heard the grumbling growl from behind.

 

“Steve, Steve, Steve....”

 

Bucky continued the repetition of his name, over and over, no matter the distance it still made it to Steve’s ears, chipping away at his golden patience.

 

“Steve.....Steve....Steve....”

 

He tried his best to shut it out, ignore the childish tone his name was spoken, but it drummed into his skull, making his body tense and fists clench.

 

“Steve.........Steve........ _Stevie_...”

 

It was the Stevie that did it, the sing-song way he called it out, it cracked Steve’s resolve into shards, unleashing the dam of anger.  
He whirled around, hands to the sky, fire in his face and shouted,

 

“WHAT!”

 

The word tore its way from his throat, burning the delicate skin of his insides till he was sure he would throw up. He’d never shouted like that before, louder than any war cry.

 

Bucky froze, his expression was difficult to see but his face tilted down to his feet. The mountain grumbled low, a deep thunderous sound that split through the air and halted just as suddenly.

 

A deep creaking sound rumbled, a loud crack echoed which shook the ground Steve stood on. Then there was silence, Bucky pulled his gaze from his feet, shades snapping to Steve’s face.  
Steve was too far away to do anything, the cliff next to Bucky flaked in pin drop silence, then it fell, sloped down and swept Bucky away like a wave.

 

“Bucky!”

 

It flowed to the edge of the path frothing over the side and water-falling down the rock face, momentum taking the path with it. He took too long to react, watching with his mouth open in horror.  
Steve started running, all his speed and strength and he had nothing on the force of a landslide, he couldn’t see the brunette, he’d been swallowed by the snow and rock, but there was no doubt he’d gone over, crashing over the drop.  
All Steve could do was stand and wait for the roaring to stop, for the ground to stop shaking-  
The sound calmed, movement stopped with a crater in the route and a newly piled hill of snow at the base of the cliff.

 

“Bucky!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will try to update every few days.  
> Hope somebody out there likes it and I'll catch you soon. <3
> 
> Come say hey :)
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr](http://cookie-book-took.tumblr.com)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve panted at the edge, trying to see any sign of the brunette in the rubble, he darted a look behind him to Sam and the others, who had all stopped in the distance. He was sure Sam would be phoning for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd  
> steve/bucky  
> hope you enjoy <3  
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated :)

Steve panted at the edge, trying to see any sign of the brunette in the rubble, he darted a look behind him to Sam and the others, who had all stopped in the distance. He was sure Sam would be phoning for help.

 

Steve tested the edge for weakness, finding the rock solid and unyielding he bit his gloves off and gripped it. Swinging his legs over the cliff he found a suitable foot hold.

 

His name was called with warning, carried over by the wind, but he had no time to stop and access the risks, he was Captain America and someone needed saving.

 

He climbed down, till he was sure he could jump comfortably and not sprain anything. Landing in the flurried up snow, he glanced around, calling out for Bucky.  
Chunks of rock and hills of snow littered the space, but there was no sign of the brunette. Steve sunk into the snow, up to his thighs, it stuck around him like cement and wading through it had his muscles aching, heart jack-hammering from effort.

 

“Bucky!”

 

There was nothing, no indication of where the brunette could be, Steve whipped his head around, breath escaping his lips in harsh pants.

 

“Come on, where are you.”

 

Steve slapped his palm to his mouth, muffling the deafening noise’s his body was making. He had to listen, pinpoint his ears to the snow beneath him. The brunette’s voice had turned in to an irritating soundtrack but now Steve longed to hear it, needed him to joyfully sing out his name.

 

“Steve! What happened?”

 

It wasn’t the voice he wanted to hear but his head spun towards Sam peeking over the edge. What happened? Steve swallowed, scanning the snow with growing despair. He’d shouted, yelled as loud as he could towards Bucky. The shift of land had been caused by him-

 

“I did this.” He whispered.

 

Sam frowned down in confusion, “what?”

 

“This is my fault!” Steve yelled up to him.

 

Sam fixed him with a stern stare, “don’t do this to yourself, not right now Steve.”

 

He breathed deep, Sam was right, he couldn’t lose his head and dissolve into guilt, he had to locate Bucky-  
Shimmering blue caught his eye, glistening in a cloud of snow. Steve forced his legs toward it, powering through the flakes of white.  
Aviators, he picked them up, confronted with his own panic-stricken expression. Bucky had been wearing black shades the last time he looked back, but he must’ve had these in his pockets.  
He started digging, fingers scrambling at the snow, nails snagging on rocks making his wince. He didn’t care, he’d keep going even if every one bent back and snapped off. 

His fingers brushed fabric, he gripped, tugging with all his strength to surface the figure.

 

“Bucky? God, Bucky.”

 

His face was camouflaged in the ice, delicate skin of his lips bluer than the iris Steve had marvelled at. Deep cuts slashed at the brunettes face, tilting his head Steve could see the shimmer of black, pieces of the sunglasses imbedding his skin, scarring his face.

 

“Come on, Buck-“

 

He nose-nudged Bucky’s head, desperate to see a response-  
“Is he breathing?” Sam called out.

 

Steve placed fingers in front of the brunettes mouth, but they were so cold they’d numbed, unable to feel anything.

 

“I-I dunno.”

 

The blonde yanked his arm again, trying to get more of him out of the snow mould he’d created.  
Steve gripped Bucky’s chin, swiping his thumb over the brunettes cheeks. He was ice to touch, so cold the deep cuts etched in his skin were oozing instead of pouring.

 

“Come on, open your eyes for me.”

 

Snow flakes clung to his thick lashes, Steve blew gently across his face to clear them.

 

“Please Buck.” He cooed, squeezing his body, hoping some of his body heat was passing through.

 

Another shake of the brunettes body had frown lines stacking up on his head.

“That’s it Buck.”

Bucky fidgeted, face twitching and eyelids fluttering. Steve’s heart thumped a solid beat, rhythm returning to normal at the relief, all until the brunette screamed.  
It wasn’t the volume that had Steve wincing, it was quite the opposite. Bucky’s face pinched tight with an expression of utter pain, but only a squeak and gasp escaped his mouth.  
Steve shifted him, trying his best to pull more of Bucky from the snow, but any movement had the brunettes body tensing, taking on a fresh wave of agony.

 

“Don’t move him Steve, Tony’s sending the quintjet, be here in twenty.”

 

If Steve wasn’t so utterly focussed on the brunette he would’ve sneered up to Sam, why did people give advice after it was needed.  
Bucky dug his teeth into his blueing lip, chomping the skin till beads of red sprung free.

 

Steve un-popped his lip from the crunch, “don’t do that-

“You-you, did you do ‘’is?”

Steve hugged him tighter, “No of course I didn’t!”

“Wha? Wha...happened?”

“The cliff next to you slipped, took down part of the ledge-

“Ma arm, ‘urts- god it ‘urts.”

Steve gently pulled Bucky, trying to arrange his body into a more comfortable position. He ended up with his body across the blondes lap, head cradled in the hinge of Steve’s arm.

“Better?”

“Nooo.” Bucky howled, last o of the word breaking with a sob.

Steve glanced down at Bucky’s arm, dangling in the snow. His other arm was tucked into his chest, shivering in the icy temperature.

“Can you, can you move it?”

“I am ain’t I?”

 

The worry in his tone had Steve rubbing his cheek and lying, “sure you are...”

Bucky’s lips flickered into an unsure smile, before his teeth pressed down hard and he growled through pain.

“Fuck, m’ gunna die-

“You’re not gunna die-

Bucky squirmed, chest rising with a withheld breath, “Becca’ll kill me if I die-

Steve scrunched his face, smile tickling his lips at Bucky’s mumbling-

“’nd Nat, she’ll kill me, they’ll probably take turns.”

“Not to ruin your little fantasy, but if you’re dead, they can’t kill you.”

Bucky released his breath slow, letting it ease through his teeth, “oh yeah, thank fuck for that.”

His whole body tensed, limbs trembling as he gulped through the burning sensation of his body-

“Who’s Becca?”

“My- m’ sister, she can’t lose me- she can’t.”

“She’s not gunna-

“Already lost so much, can’t do that to her.”

Steve nodded along with Bucky’s words, “she won’t lose you-

Bucky spluttered, red droplets sprung from his mouth slapping on his chin. Steve swiped them away, leaving red veins on Bucky’s porcelain skin.

 

“Sam, how we doing on that quinjet?”

“Almost here!”

“Please, Steve- t-t-talk to me-

Stunned at the request Steve gawped, “your-your gunna be okay...”

Bucky scrunched his brow unsatisfied by Steve’s attempt, “not ‘bout now, please-just speak-give me summin to focus on.”  
“Erm...so you’re a stripper hey?”

Bucky wheezed a laugh, “that what you’re startin’ with.”

Steve was very thankful Sam couldn’t hear his poor attempt at small talk.

“I’ve never seen a stripper.”

Bucky wagged his eyebrows, teeth chattering when he spoke, “’m not at my best right now.”

Steve chuckled tugging him closer, “that’s okay, neither am I.”

Bucky struggled to open his eyes, he had trouble focussing on Steve’s face but when he finally did he smiled wide, “you look fine to me.”

“Well your off you’re head on pain, and freezing-

Bucky snorted, lips quaking from the cold. “Surely you’ve had a strip dance before.”

Steve raised his eyebrow, “do I look like that kinda guy” Steve pointed up to the cliff ridge, “now he, he likes strip dances.”

Bucky didn’t even attempt spotting Sam on the ridge, his attention was glued to Steve’s lips.  
“Surely, back in the day, you had some sweet dame-

“Erm, no...not like that.”  
He was flushing, could feel the heat bursting under his pores.

“Blushing like a virgin.” Bucky mumbled, the fogginess in his eyes cleared and he frowned up at Steve. “You ain’t?”

“Ain’t what?”  
Steve knew exactly what the brunette was hinting at but hoped his faux confusion would get him to change the subject.

“But you’re like over a hundred.”

“Nearer ninety.” Steve corrected-

There was a weak movement in Bucky’s arm, Steve was sure he’d be waving it in the air if he could, “whatever---you old, and you’ve never?”

“Haven’t found the right partner yet.”

Bucky winced, ridding another wave of intense fire before his skin relaxed back down, “ol’ romantic you.”

“Someone’s gotta be.”

 

Steve leaned in close, fingertips brushing along Bucky’s face, careful of the slices and cuts. Bucky’s trembling arm reached up, he pressed his teeth as he did it but when his hand hooked the back of Steve’s neck he released a triumphant sigh. His fingers were cool, weakly holding on. His eyes mapped Steve’s face, lips grinning at the edges, something warm and fuzzy grew inside Steve when their eyes met, some kind of connection. He couldn’t speak, just continued to move his thumb gently across the undamaged cheek, letting whatever was buzzing between them expand.

 

“How’s it even possible.” Bucky muttered, Steve frowned waiting for him to continue, “how has Captain America kept his v plates, must be a god-damn queue.”

“Wasn’t always Captain America though was I, sickly skinny, not the best guy for gals to show their ma’s.”

Bucky tried to laugh, but the sound gurgled in his throat, he coughed painfully.  
“You were a cute kid-

Steve’s eyebrows shot off the top of his face, “cute...in a stray dog kinda way?”

“No, just- look like a good guy...”

“How would you even know what I looked like?”

The brunettes face, scrunched, body shook from the nerves triggering pain all over his body.  
“Saw you...”

“Saw me?”

“Museum, took Becca there once, saw the pictures, small guy with a chip on his shoulder.”

Steve pouted, brow farrowing, “didn’t have a chip on-

“Yeah, ya did.” He laughed, “could see it in your eyes, wanting to prove ya’self, could’ve died...”

“Risk I had to take.”

“That, ‘n’ you’re an idiot.”

Steve laughed, puffing warmth across the brunettes face which he turned towards.

“Now I’ve got ya being an idiot all over again.”

“How am I being an idiot?”

Bucky’s eyes fluttered closed, his lips relaxed-  
“Bucky?” he wobbled his head, “hey, Buck.”

The brunette startled awake, swallowed before spluttering against Steve’s chest.

“Why am I an idiot?” The blonde probed, trying to get the conversation back on track.

Bucky’s eyes tried to focus, he scrunched them together giving up, “I dunno what you’re talkin’ ‘bout...”  
Steve nodded, grasping for another conversation starter before Bucky drifted back into unconsciousness.

“You said earlier you got a boyfriend.”  
It had the desired effect, Bucky forced his lashes to part, warping pupils focussing on Steve.

“He’s gunna kill me.”

Steve puffed an amused breath across Bucky’s face, assuming it was a joke, “think he’ll be relieved that you’re alright.”

A shudder rocked Bucky’s body, not brought on by the cold-  
“’s gunna kill me.”

Steve gripped his face, trying to catch the darting eye movements of the brunette, “hey, no he ain’t.”

“Fuck..m’ face, it bad?”

“He’s not gunna be bothered about a few scratches and cuts.”

 

It was completely the wrong thing to say, Bucky heaved a breath, gasping for air. His eyes rounded and panic raced through them.

“S’not that bad.” Steve tried, restraining Bucky from doing anymore damage.

“It’s a bit though...an’ my arm-fuck.”

“Gunna get you to hospital, fix you up. He won’t be angry I swear it.”  
The whole time Steve spoke Bucky shook his head, it was weak, barely moved but the blonde could feel the denial.

“Shhh, Buck. It’s all gunna be alright.”

His head movements stopped, blue eyes flashing open and fixing on Steve.  
“Yeah?”

Steve smiled back, “yeah Buck.”

The brunette mimicked Steve’s smile, trembling body coming to a stop. Steve was mesmerised by the blue, falling deep into the watching pools. They sparkled, framed by thick brown lashes. The pupil in the centre grew in size, fixed unmoving on Steve’s face.

“Buck?”  
He didn’t respond, continued staring up even when Steve moved from his sight.

“No- come on Buck, don’t do this.”

He shook the brunette, biting down on his lip and growing angry, “come on- helps coming, don’t you dare give up now.”

He tucked the brunettes freezing head into his neck, rocking him back and forth.  
“Where the hell is the quinjet!” He roared up to Sam.

Bucky stayed unconscious, even with the animalistic roar of the quinjet he didn’t stir. Steve refused to let him go, would not let him out of his sight, even when he was stretchered in to the hospital he gripped the railing of the bed, broadcasting to the whole world he wasn’t leaving this mans side.  
Steve stood by as they cut Bucky from his clothes, each snip revealed worse damage and when they uncovered his left arm, Steve hissed, gripping the back of his neck and facing away.

“Jesus-

“It’s not saveable-

Steve spun around, eyes boring into the doctor, “what do you mean it’s not saveable?”  
The doctor huffed as if Steve had said something particularly stupid-

“Even if I could fix the bones, which is massively unlikely, the flesh has died-

“Skin grafts, could you not just do that.”

The doctor snorted, jaw unhinging as he released a breath. “Look, captain, I’m the doctor, not you. I’ll do some x-ray to see how much of the arm is intact, Okay...”

Steve wasn’t okay, and when the x-ray confirmed the doctors predictions, Steve was forced to pinch the bridge of his nose not to cry.  
“How much?”

“Shoulder down, its that badly shattered the bones grinded to dust.”

They wheeled the unconscious Bucky away to theatre, Steve collapsed in the chair outside, ignoring the calls and messages from Sam.  
He was responsible for the injury’s, if he hadn’t of got so mad, if he hadn’t of shouted. The incident replayed in Steve’s mind in detail, over and over him disappearing over the edge. He felt sick, gripping his stomach in a clutch. It was all his fault.  
Bucky was wheeled out, the space his left arm occupied oddly absent. His cheeks and eyebrow wore white bandages, and his complexion was deathly white.

“We’ve removed the arm, stitched the wounds...”

Steve nodded, following after the trolley.  
“When’s he gunna wake up...”

“Soon, they’ve called his next of kin, are you staying with him?”

Steve nodded, grasping the railing on the bed just to make it obvious.

“Okay, keep him calm if he wakes, and get me.”

“I will.”  
Steve sunk in the chair beside Bucky, banging his scrunched fists into his forehead. 

 

Bucky’s lashes fluttered, he flexed his face, groaning in pain. His hand swung uncoordinated towards his stinging wounds, catching the bandage’s on his face.

“Easy, Buck.” Steve gripped his flailing limb, holding it still, “there stitches, don’t pull them about.”

Bucky gulped, taking his time to open his eyes. One opened fully, but the one on the damaged side was squashed by swollen flesh, he could only peer through a crack.

“Hey, Steveee.” Bucky breathed, swallowing audibly.

“Here, some water Buck.”

He sucked on the straw that was offered, leaning back into his pillow and letting it drip out, wincing when it travelled a slit in his lip.  
“’m arm?”

Steve scrunched his face tight, gripping the base of his skull, “they had to remove it-

A broken sob sprung from Bucky’s throat, he angled his face away from his damaged limb, scrunching his eyes, not wanting to look at his changed body.

“’s okay Buck.”  
Steve had taken up his remaining hand, drawing patterns with his fingertips on the back of his flesh. He was leaning close, head hovering in front of the brunettes.

“You’re still here, Becca’s not gunna kill you.”

“Becca.” He echoed back.

“She’ll get here when she can, just rest now.”

Bucky sighed, pushing his face towards Steve’s, his forehead rested on the blondes cheek and he sunk into a morphine aided sleep.  
“I’m gunna get the doctor.”

“No,” Bucky breezed into his neck, “not yet.”

He relaxed into Steve’s side, and Steve couldn’t resist the urge of comforting back, letting the weight of his head rest on the brunette, and pressing a kiss into his hair.

“Sleep now Buck.”

 

Steve didn’t realise he’d drifted off too until the door clattered open. A greying man stood, glaring at the still sleeping Bucky.  
His nostrils flared, wrinkled skin crumpled. He was furious and Steve was quick to detach himself from Bucky’s embrace.

 

The man straightened the lapels of his suit, taking a sweeping step into the room. The man must’ve just been angry _for_ Bucky, for his _loss_. He didn’t speak, perhaps too shocked to do so.

“Hey, hey Buck. Your-your dads here...”

The mans head turned menacingly towards Steve, “Are you Stupid! I’m not his dad!”

Bucky stirred, wincing at the uncomfortable tightness of his face.

“I’m Alexander Pierce, his partner.” The man hissed.

Partner, he looked three times the age of Bucky... Didn’t run to his bedside worried and comforting, he sneered from feet away.

“Alex-

“What the hell have you done?” The man growled, finger shaking as he pointed down at Bucky in the bed.

“’m sorry, dunno what happened.”

“What happened?”, The man unleashed a manic bark, “what happened? You’re an idiot that’s what happened!”

Steve stood, puffing his chest out and crossing his arms, “he doesn’t need this right now.”

“No he needs a dose of reality!” He turned his attention back towards Bucky, “you’re missing your god-damn arm.” 

“Don’t, just don’t” Bucky sobbed, Steve turned towards him, watching as his face scrunched in despair-

“No, you can’t just shut your eyes and wish it away, look at it, look at your body.”

Steve surged forward making the man jump back in surprise, he stumbled back wide eyed, then chuckled darkly. A surge of protectiveness had Steve blocking Bucky from view, keeping this mans evil glare at bay.

“You’ve done your duty Captain America, leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

The threadbare man smiled back, nose wrinkling, “this has nothing to do with you.”

“As long as Bucky wants me here, I won’t go.”

The man shifted from foot to foot, smugness radiating.  
“Is that so....James darling, kindly ask Mr Rogers to leave.”

Steve turned slowly back to the brunette, searching his face. He was trembling, tears had dampened the bandage on his cheek and it leaked with pink lines.

“Tell him to leave!” The man demanded.

Bucky bit down on his lip, nipping the skin till it bloomed scarlet.

“Bucky, you want me to stay and I’ll stay.”

The man coughed and Steve whipped round like a viper, “what the hell’s your problem?”

“You’re interfering with my business.” He spat.

“Business? he’s a person.”

“My person...”

Steve growled in disgust, closing the distance on him. He gripped the mans suit jacket, “don’t talk about him like that-

“Steve- Steve stop.” 

Bucky’s voice had him snapping from his anger.

“Please, just go-just go.”

The wind left Steve in a rush, his heart iced at the brunettes words.

“See,” the man brushed Steve’s hands away, “he wants you gone...”

Bucky didn’t look at him, Steve tried to catch his eye but the brunette refused him.  
“Thank you for saving me.” He whispered miserably.

Steve’s body slumped, deflating of all accumulated feelings, Bucky was dismissing him. The odd energy that buzzed between them pulsed painfully, Steve swallowed, marching away from the bed. He tugged the door, glancing back reluctantly, he plastered a reassuring smile on his face. One that physically ached to do.

“It’s gunna be alright Buck.”

The door swung shut behind Steve just as the brunette looked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3
> 
> Buckys up next...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky’s life spiralled into cease pool of existence he couldn’t escape. His home became a prison cell, too self-conscious to leave. It was a good week if he managed one trip to the coffee shop to see Nat. Even then he felt the eyes of everyone he passed, scanning his body and seeing the blaringly obvious abnormality. They’d whisper, point as his face where the red lines glowed against his skin, scars etched in his eyebrow and cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd so typo's 
> 
> Bucky POV.
> 
> Warning for Alex being an utter asshole!
> 
> Much love to those reading <3

Bucky’s life spiralled into cease pool of existence he couldn’t escape. His home became a prison cell, too self-conscious to leave. It was a good week if he managed one trip to the coffee shop to see Nat. Even then he felt the eyes of everyone he passed, scanning his body and seeing the blaringly obvious abnormality. They’d whisper, point as his face where the red lines glowed against his skin, scars etched in his eyebrow and cheek.

 

Nat told him he was paranoid, being swallowed by self-loathing, she begged him to see someone, get some kind of therapy but he didn’t have the money and it wasn’t as if Alex was going to lend it to him.

 

He stayed in the sanctuary of his apartment, but the good atmosphere of being home soured under Alex’s disgust.  
He’d sneered at him to cover himself, even on the hottest days a blanket was thrown his way until he hid the absent limb.

“Turns my stomach.” Alex had growled, flicking the channel on the TV.

Bucky swallowed the shame, attention fixing to the flashing images and mumbling sound. He had no interest in whatever documentary his boyfriend had picked, he watched, unmoving, in utter silence. He was fast becoming the invisible man, only noticed when Alex felt like hurling insults...

 

The space beside him on the couch was always vacant, Alex refused to cuddle up to him like he use to, instead, choosing a chair where he could comfortably watch the programme while darting disgusted looks in the brunettes direction. The non-stop insults and grimacing glares stacked up, weighing Bucky down into a hole he couldn’t surface from. 

The scars on his face pinched tight, always reminding him of there presence. He’d tried to cover them, pressing foundation into the grooves to soften the appearance, but the marks persisted, as if they wanted to be noticed.

“Don’t bother,” Alex spat, “there’s no hiding that arm, what’s the point doing the face.”

Bucky started looking at his face less and less, couldn’t even stand in front of a mirror to shave. His chin prickled from wayward hairs, he trimmed it, but not watching, just setting the shaver to a length and hoping it was the all the same.

“You look like a rabid animal.” Alex hissed.

His hair had grown by inches, he used his fingers to rake it back into a more presentable fashion but Alex had seen, sneered from the other side of the room and told him not to bother.

“Brushing that mop, won’t do anything...”

Any reflective surface was avoided, Bucky didn’t wish to stumbled on the monster he had become. The apartment mocked him, framed pictures of him hung on the walls, the prime of his stripping career.  
Shirtless, flawless skin, muscles bulging and glistening with sweat, he pouted to the camera like a fond friend, smug at his attractiveness.  
He begged Alex to take them down, but he refused the request, putting even more on the walls of their home for Bucky’s chin to wobble at.

“Look what you were James...” He growled, “and look at you now.”

Bucky wouldn’t look, would not see his etched skin and messed up body.  
His career as a stripper was over, each day dread filled his stomach at the thought of Alex dumping him, he was no longer the prized possession but a broken toy and they always ended up thrown away. He’d been kicked out of Alex’s bed, was staying in the spare room at the other end of the apartment, it was only a matter of time.

Bucky hoped if he stayed as quiet as possible, scrubbing and cleaning the house of any blemishes Alex would see the worth in keeping him. He cooked, one handed, the food was usually nibbled at, plate thrown across the room in annoyance, splattering the white surfaces for him to do again-

 

“Answer that damn phone!”

Bucky jumped from his thoughts, Alex glared across the room at him, lip pulled back into a snarl.  
His phone jingled on his lap and he hadn’t even realised, Becca’s name flashed like a strobe light.  
He moved to his room, closing the door behind him with a click. After a deep breath he answered the call, slapping a forced smile to his face and hoping it sounded genuine.

“Hey Bucky-bear!” She called happily, “just checking in on ya.”

“There’s no need, I’m good as always.”

She huffed, “well you’re my brother, I wanna know how you are...”

It was a question, a dreaded question about his welfare, the easiest thing to do was to steer the question back.  
“’nd how are you Becca? How’s the course?”

She huffed again, “I’m exhausted and stressed, almost done my second year-

“And then it’s just one more to go.” Bucky added.

“Yeeeahhh, about that...erm, I was thinking of taking a year out, ya’ know...Sammy and Kate are doing this travelling thing, going round the world and I thought I’d go too.”

Bucky swallowed, sinking down onto the bed, suddenly unsteady by Becca’s news.  
“Oh.” Was the most articulate thing he could say.

“Yeah, you always say there’s plenty of money left behind after mom and dad, more than enough for college, so I thought there might be enough for me to travel....”

The made up life savings of their mom and dad, Bucky rocked on the bed, nausea swelling.

“How much do you recon?” He stuttered.

“A few 1000 to keep me going, is there enough? Is that okay Bucky?”

Worry laced her voice and Bucky hated it, “yeah- sure, that’s fine Becca.”

She squealed in delight while slow tears built in Bucky’s eyes.  
“You are the best brother ever! Love you.”

“Love you too.” Bucky whispered, dropping his arm to the mattress.

Her joyful tone sang through the device, a background hum to Bucky’s mind.  
“I’ve lost ya Buck, love ya, speak soon.”

The call cut out.  
He was struggling as it was, left over money from stripping funding his sisters education. She didn’t know it was him, Bucky had told her their parents life insurance was there to keep them safe, she’d sighed in relief, the weight of the world off her shoulders. It was all a lie...

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

The next day Nat demanded he leave the house and meet her for a coffee. It took several attempts, he gripped the doorframe to the apartment like a frightened cat. After a few pissed off growls at his own pathetic nature he managed a step out, quickly retreating back into the apartment.

“Damn it!” He cursed, gripping the frame and panting.

“Is walking difficult for you too?” Alex was watching, amusement bunching his face, “here, let me help you...”

He stalked behind the brunette, shoving him roughly in the back, Bucky’s nails bit into the doorframe. His heartbeat thundered. Alex tutted harshly, pushing him harder till he became unbalanced and fell through.

“And you say I don’t do enough to help you...”

The door slammed with a resounded bang as Bucky struggled to his feet, he wiped his hand over his face, counting to ten to calm himself down. He was out of the apartment, it was only a five minute walk to the shop, he could handle it.  
He kept his head low, parallel to the pavement, not willing to put his face in the direct eye line of anyone, they’d notice the arm of course, it appeared like an explanation mark at the end of his body, shouting to be seen.

 

Nat sat at there usual table, her jaw dropped open at the sight of the brunette.  
“Jesus James....”

“What?”  
He pulled the chair, and it scratched on the tiles making everyone in the vicinity stare, so much for not drawing attention to himself.

“You look awful...”

“Count on you to be insultingly obvious.”

He tried a weak smile, but she only bit her lip in reply. The silence grew and Bucky was sure she was plotting question’s to ask him. Ones that would get him to reveal his feelings, she opened her mouth to speak but Bucky got there first-  
“So Becca called, she’s gunna have a break from study.”

Nat frowned, “a break, like she’s getting a job for a year?”

Bucky shook his head, “nah she’s going travelling.”

“You sisters travelling where exactly?”

Bucky shrugged, sipping his scalding hot coffee to avoid Nat’s stare.

“An is she funding this holiday-

“Well no, I’ll find a way...”

Nat’s hand reached out, covering Bucky’s remaining one scrunched on the table, “I’m not attacking you James, but you can’t pay for it, you’ve run out of money.”

“I’ll find a way.” He repeated through gritted teeth.

“How exactly?”

“I don’t know-I can’t go back to the club, there’s no job for someone like me, but mayb-”

“What the hell does that mean?”

He circled his hand in front of his face, more specifically the pink etchings in his flesh before shrugging his injured shoulder. “I’m nothing but a freak now.”

Nat hissed, clutching her mug in an unforgiving manner, “’n who told you that, Alex? He might be my boss but he’s a real asshole Bucky, dump his ass.”

“I think he’ll be the one doing the dumping, it’s when that has me worried...”

He never believed there relationship was love, but he missed the compliments Alex use to shower him with, the way his eyes darkened when he was near, even the possessive way he held his arm round Bucky’s back, tugging him into his chest. He felt desired, treasured. Alex loved the attention he got, the audience he drew in to his club.  
Nat sighed, releasing Bucky’s hand.

“Just tell Becca, come on James, she needs to know this money fund is bullshit.”

Bucky grumbled, stirring his unfulfilling coffee, “She’s happy Nat, I’m not gunna mess that up for her.”

“She’s not a child, she needs to know how she can afford college, all the expenses and now a holiday, it’s you, not your mom and dad but you.”

“I’m looking out for her, it’s tough being that young and losing your parents-

“James, you were only a couple years older when they died, was hard for you too.”

Bucky sighed, leaning back in his chair no longer interested in dirt cheap coffee, “her happiness is the only thing I’ve got going for me right now.”

“James...”

He delved his hand into his pant pocket, pulling out change, Nat closed his fist around the money.

“I got this, you buy next time.”

 

Bucky slumped into his bed, glaring at the lightbulb in the ceiling till his eyes watered with fire. The TV in the living room rumbled on, joined by two voices, one the deep tones of Alex and the other, a high-pitched woman he was trying to seduce.

Alex had cruelly told him he was no longer attracted to him, his body had the opposite reaction to arousal, he’d had several dates since then, that ended in the inevitable manner, loud gasping noises and the bed down the hall creaking, it never lasted long but it still made him shudder. Bucky’s solitude was the laptop and blocking the noise out.

Bucky wasn’t jealous, didn’t wish it was him not her, he had despised sex with Alex, but his insides prickled with needles knowing he couldn’t do that for his boyfriend anymore, couldn’t turn him on and make him want it.

The TV turned off, Bucky scrambled for his laptop, shoving earphones in and replaying videos of stupid cats, hoping they’d lift his piss-soaked spirits. It only worked when a blonde cat appeared on the screen, it was dressed in a red-white and blue outfit, blue domino mask over it’s eyes.

“Captain Americas got nothing on you.” The voice behind the camera said.

Steve materialised in Bucky’s head, his concerned glances, his comforting warmth. The protective power that radiated from him when Alex had upset him, he remembered his hands, so big and comforting on his face.  
God he missed him, couldn’t explain why his heart ached when he thought about him, he needed to see him, his ridiculously Nobel face.

The avengers had their own YouTube channel, propaganda and plea’s for peace occupied most of the content. But there were a few video’s of them out of uniform. One in particular made the brunette grin. Fourth of July, a lavish apartment decorated in red, white and blue.

The camera was unsteady, filmed on one of Tony Starks many devices. They hushed, whispered to each other waiting in the dark-

“Here he comes.” A woman whispered, and the door in front of the unstable camera swung open, revealing a surprised looking Steve.

He smiled, eyes lingering on everyone in the room. His hair was spiked with sweat and the vest he wore clung to his chest. He heaved breaths, wiping the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand.

Everyone burst into song, singing happy birthday to the blushing man. He said thank you to Tony, in a tone that implied drop dead. The video continued with him cutting a cake that looked like his infamous shield.

“There was me thinking you’d all forgotten...”

Tony shoved a lump of frosting in Steve’s face and the blonde laughed, wiping it away and sucking it off his finger.

“Taste’s good.” He said to the camera, blue eyes crinkling and face bright. The clip stopped and Bucky tapped repeat. Steve was god-damn perfect, humble and generous, an actual hero, the good looks and body were just the added cherry on top.

Bucky’s fingers twitched on the keyboard, the picture had frozen on Steve grinning face.

_Lookin good Grampo-pops..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope your enjoying, Steves up next.
> 
> [tumblr](http://cookie-book-took.tumblr.com)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve’s waking thoughts and confusing dreams were plagued by Bucky Barnes. The moment he fell from the edge flipped in Steve’s mind, the helplessness of just watching something bad happen and knowing he could do nothing to stop it. The fear searching for him in the mass of ice chased his nightmares, dipping him into the harshness of failure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve/Bucky  
> thanks for reading and kudos :)  
> shorter chapter but another one will be up friday

Steve’s waking thoughts and confusing dreams were plagued by Bucky Barnes. The moment he fell from the edge flipped in Steve’s mind, the helplessness of just watching something bad happen and knowing he could do nothing to stop it. The fear searching for him in the mass of ice chased his nightmares, dipping him into the harshness of failure.

 

Sam reminded him daily Bucky was alive, Steve had saved him from death, every time he opened his mouth to argue his point, that he was responsible for the accident, Sam closed him down, changed the conversation or excused himself.

 

The need to see the brunette burned, he’d subtly asked Tony if he was working the last time he ventured to the strip bar, but Tony shook his head, eyebrows wagging on his ecstatic face.

“That one got you good?”

“What, I just want know he’s okay.”

Tony popped his lips, “sure ya do...”

The knowing smile Tony gave him made him growl and hurry along. He plodded into his apartment, staring out of the avengers tower at the city below. The brunette had to be somewhere, the strip-club was a short drive from the tower, maybe if he started jogging the routes around it he’d stumble into the brunette...

He huffed, resting his forehead on the pane of glass.  
“Where are you, Buck?” He muttered.

It had been four months since the accident, the image of Bucky broken stuck in his mind. That man at his bedside, the grotesque creature that cruelly yelled at the brunette. That man was Bucky’s boyfriend...also the owner of the strip club he worked at. The greying mans face had Steve pressing his teeth together, flaring his nostrils out with a puff. That man was evil, he could feel it.

He growled, yanking himself from the taunting city. Bucky was alive, back with his asshole of a boyfriend....  
“Fuck! What’s wrong with you Rogers.”

Jarvis’s android voice echoed in the room. “Are you okay sir?”

“Yeah, ‘m fine...”

“Mr Starks requested everyone in the training dome.”

Steve nodded, backing away further from the window, “yep, I’m on my way.”

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The training dome was Tony’s new baby, he purred compliments at it constantly, even Pepper kicked him in the shin after a dramatic declaration of love.

The dome was huge, several soccer pitches stuck together and blinding white. The latest way to train was using holograms, whole landscapes and missions could be plotted by the system. The maps it created were solid under touch, stimulated the brain to feel the correct texture of surface, rock, brick, the inside of a bloody spaceship. Machines created weather conditions, the temperature could be lowered to freezing temperatures or searing hot.

 

What Tony was most proud of, the villains he’d created...hydra guys with cosmic guns, Loki and his chitauri army, ultrons many bots, every enemy they’d come up against Tony had mapped into his system, created a version to battle against.

“Hmm, I fancy kicking some hydra-ass...”

Clint agreed, pacing a circle with his bow at the ready.

“That sound good to you Steve?” Sam asked.  
Steve nodded in reply, slipping his headset on as the others did the same.

“Okay Jarvis....give us a snowing mountain range, hidden Hydra targets.”

“Of course sir.” Came the reply.

The chill whipped around them, Clint huffed, fixing his attention to man in the metal suit.  
“Really? Snowing? Why the hell the snow.”  
He shifted uncomfortably jumping on the spot trying to combat the flash of ice.

“I’m nice an cosy in here.” Tony replied, lifting off from the ground.

“Well hunky-fucking dory for you-“

“Come on Clint, I’ve got to practise my visibility anyway.”

He took off, disappearing into the wisps of snow.  
The landscape changed, moulding a mountain range with thick snow. Sam shivered, Clint’s teeth chattered.

“Are you ready?” Jarvis asked.

Tony was the only one to reply giving an affirmative. Then a siren blared, and it began.  
Figures stalked the ridges, guns glowing blue and firing off blasts.

“Here we go.” Steve mumbled to himself, swinging his shield at the enemy.

The holograms disintegrated, only to reform in other areas, they worked together, two on the ground and Sam and Tony swooping in the air to directed them. Twenty agents down and Steve was feeling confident he’d get another clean run, the only one of them to still have an unblemished record...

“Steve....”  
He spun at his name, sure he’d heard that voice in the whirl of snow flakes.

“On ya left!” Sam called.

Steve noticed just in time, throwing his shield and decapitating the hydra agent.

“Steve...”  
He twirled again, not Sam, not Clint, but definitely a figure in the snow.

“Bucky?” Steve breathed, pushing through the snow to get to him.

The man stared back, black shades hiding his eyes, but his lips twitched into a shy smile.  
“What the hell?” Steve moved faster, flashes of guns threw up the snow and rock beside him, but he didn’t care, nothing was more important than Bucky.

Bucky didn’t seem bothered by the destruction around him, he beckoned to Steve to come to him. The blonde slid his shield to his back, watching in awe as Bucky moved towards him. Steve brushed his hands over his cheeks, they felt different, tight...he realised he was smiling for the first time in ages. The snow didn’t matter, the intense cold in his bones was background static. Seeing the brunette smile at him warmed Steve’s core, fire raced through his veins and the need to get to him intensified.

Steve was only a few meters away when Bucky’s smile dropped off his face, he lifted his arm, glowing charge of the hydra blaster making Steve gulp. He didn’t have time to retrieve his shield, even if he could he wouldn’t of bothered, it was what he deserved.  
The blast hit him in the chest, stealing his breath and dunking him into the cold snow.

“Simulation end.” Tony called.

Steve blinked in the blinding light, flat on his back. His chest stung with the electric charge the holograms could give, not enough to kill but my god it hurt.

Sam jogged towards him, wings folding into the suit, he offered his hand, “you okay Steve?”

He nodded, before rethinking and shaking his head, “no- no I’m not.”

He stalked towards Tony who mumbled nonsense to Jarvis.  
“What the hell was that?”

Tony pouted his lips, “that was you losing for once.”

“You made a hologram of Bucky to make me lose?”

“Worked didn’t it....”

Tony blasted into the air before Steve could shove at him, “that’s not funny Tony-

“I know it’s not, but you’ve been distracted for months, it’s time to let Bucky go.”

The iron man suit buzzed around him like an irritating fly, Steve didn’t want to let Bucky go, he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do but he would not push the memory of Bucky away.

“You got two choices Steve, you either leave him in the past, or put him in the future.”

“What the hells that mean?”

“Find him Steve, see for yourself he’s alright. You can’t keep walking round like a zombie...”

Sam and Clint shifted uncomfortable at the side, Steve looked over to them and they both nodded there agreement.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Steve paced his apartment, stopping to glare at the twinkling lights of the city, somewhere out there was Bucky...would Bucky even want to speak to him after what happened, Steve was responsible for his injuries...

“Jarvis, what would you do?”

The android chirped to life, “you seem unhappy Mr Rogers.”

Steve’s head flopped back on his shoulders at the unhelpful statement.  
“Yeah Jarvis, I’m unhappy.”

“When I’ve scanned your body, your serotonin levels increase with positive stimuli...”

Steve moved from the window, slumping into his couch. “what do you suggest?”

“Fond memory’s seem to increase your mood...it would be very beneficial for your to watch the footage of your birthday this year.”  
Steve smirked, glancing at the lampshade and imagining it was Jarvis’s face, “that’s a bit exact isn’t it...”

“It is indeed sir.”

The start up music blared from the laptop, Steve danced his fingers on the key’s waiting for the desktop to load.

He logged into YouTube, selecting the video Jarvis had hinted at, he smiled, a tickle of lightness expanding in his chest but it wasn’t enough.

“Thanks for trying.” He called to the A.I.

“I suggest you scroll the comments sir....124 down...”

Steve did, preparing himself for something scary to scream out at him from the laptop...he’d fallen for that once before, smashed the laptop in two with a single punch. Tony would think twice before pulling that one again.

“What ‘m I looking for?”

“A comment from Buckybarnes90.”

Steve scrolled, heart picking up speed.

“Your levels are increasing already sir.”

The blonde chuckled, reading Bucky’s words he smiled bright.  
“Thank you Jarvis.” He whispered to the lampshade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope your enjoying :)
> 
> Happy Halloween x
> 
> [tumblr](http://cookie-book-took.tumblr.com)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally they're reunited...kinda...by phone...and things are going to get worse and more twisted for poor Bucky, if only Steve could talk him out of the decision...if only...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usually posted friday but alas I'm ill and planning on spending friday curled up on the bathroom floor till I feel better....  
> Steve/Bucky  
> thanks for reading and kudos, it really does brighten up my day.
> 
> Have some Bucky...

Bucky wasn’t really expecting a reply, let alone for Steve to message him, but a jingle chimed stilling the hours of cat videos.  
A mobile number, followed by the name Grampo-pops....

Bucky pulled out his phone, typing the number in and hovering his thumb over the call button. The house was quiet, the passions of Alex and whatsher name had ended.

He pressed the number before he could chicken out and suffocate himself in a pillow...  
“Bucky?”

He couldn’t breathe, it was Steve, defiantly Steve’s booming tone, the one that had the ability to slice through pain and sooth his mind-

“Hey Buck, you there?”

His throat squeaked, he swallowed down the stupid noise and blurted, “yep, I’m here.”  
Slapping his palm to his mouth he breathed, that was loud, far too loud-

“How-how are you Buck?”

A dreaded welfare question, the brunette rolled his eyes, “’m fine, how’s everything Grampo-pop’s.”

“Still with the nicknames?”

“You love it, I can hear the smile in your voice.”

It was true, Steve’s tone was light, teasing.

“That mean I get to pick one for you?”

Bucky pouted to the ceiling, “you already kinda did, no one, but you calls me Buck...”

“That’s mine then?”

“Yep all yours...”

“Buck...why are you whispering?”

The question jammed in his mind, his eyes were drawn to the door across from him.  
“It’s late, didn’t wanna wake anyone...”  
Bucky pulled his phone from his ear, reading the time on the screen, maybe it wasn’t that late...

“Anyone? You got friends over...that fall asleep early.”

“Erm...Alex is asleep...have to be quiet...”

Not to mention if Alex found him speaking to a man other than him he’d hit the roof.

“Alex...” Steve hissed.

Bucky’s awkward radar was blaring, defiantly no smiles on Steve now.  
“Yeah- erm...he had a tough day-

“You didn’t answer me before when I asked how you were-

“Did, said I was fine-

“Which was a lie...”

Teeth nipped into the brunettes lip, he was taking too long to reply, confirming whatever Steve thought he knew.  
“I just- it’s been an adjustment, the arm..., the scarring, but I’m coping, getting better each day-

If getting better was hyperventilating at thought of leaving the apartment he was doing swell...

“You seeing someone, to help with the changes?”

“God Steve, what is this twenty questions.” Bucky forced a laugh, hoping the blonde would believe it, he didn’t, of course he didn’t...

“I asked you two questions Buck, not twenty.”

“Jeez, every day I have to think about it, feel the difference, know I’m different. I don’t wanna talk about it too, can we- can you just tell me about your day instead....” 

Silence bloomed, Bucky checked the phone to see the seconds still stacking up.

Steve made an agreeable sound, “okay...I had training with the guy’s...

“A load of men training together- sweating together...kinda gay...”

A laugh breezed through the phone, “actually we were shivering, like actually freezing cold...”

“Riiite.” Bucky shook his head to the ceiling.

“No really, Tony made this programme with holograms, he can change landscape, weather-

“Sounds more like a flaming holiday...”

Another laugh fizzled the phone and Bucky grinned like an idiot.  
“It’s training, so there’s holograms trying to kill us-

“Sounds like the coolest video game ever.”

Steve tutted, “no game, training.”

“Whatever, who won?”

There was no answer, the silence stretched. Bucky picked at the comforter to distract from his anxiety, had he said something wrong?

“The good guy’s one.” Steve finally said, voice void of emotion.

“Well duh, it’s a hologram or robot or whatever, ‘course the avengers won.”  
Bucky pinched bobbles of the comforter in the next extended pause.

“I screwed up, got distracted...”

That was why Steve’s mood had soured, he got distracted in a game. Heaven forbid Captain America makes a mistake.  
“Are you an alien?” Bucky asked deadpan.

“No course I’m not-

“You a robot with no emotions?”

“What, no ...”

Confusion in the blondes tone was much nicer than depression.

“Needed to check, cause ya’ know humans make mistakes, humans get distracted...your human Steve, getting beaten at a video-game pisses the best of us off...”

“Wasn’t a game.” Steve muttered back, tone softening at the edges.

“Wouldn’t of pegged you for a bitter loser...”

 

A noise in the apartment had Bucky freezing in place, ears trained on the door. A door had opened, two distinct footfalls slapped on the tiles. 

Alex’s voice mumbled and the other voice responded, the volumes increased on the woman, she was yelling, angry and upset while Alex’s stayed the same, disinterested at her shrieking.

“Everything okay Buck? What’s the shouting-

“I’ve gotta go-

“Wait-

Bucky pressed down on the phone, cutting the call off and staggering to his feet. The arguing continued, the woman’s voice changed from aggressive to frightened.  
Pushing through the door he froze, Alex had hold of the woman’s wrists, squeezing tight as she tried to pull away.

“Let go of me!” She yelled.

Alex smirked before doing just that, taking away his grip till she fell over onto the floor.

“What the hells your problem?”

Bucky moved into the room, her eyes darted towards him, fear intensifying.

“Who’s that Alex?”

“What does he look like?”  
She climbed to her unsteady feet, confused by the question.

“Well does he look like a nice guy, someone to save you, help you...or does he look the opposite, like a man that’ll hurt you...”

“Please Alex just let me go-“

He giggled, rocking back on his heels, “if I tell him to, he’ll hurt you...”

Bucky’s mouth dropped, he pushed off from the wall taking a step forward, “I’d never, why are you saying that-

Fear raced, she backed away, eyes trained to Bucky not Alex.  
“Please- don’t- don’t.”

Bucky held his palm up in surrender, “I said I’d never, I’m not like that.”

Her back slid along the wall, getting closer to the exit, “please.” She said again, grasping the handle.  
She opened it and ran, leaving it to swing on the hinges.

Bucky felt sickness swelling in his insides, he felt festering dirt covering his skin, he felt the grease in his hair clumping together.

“Why did you say that? I’m not a monster.”

Alex grinned, rubbing on his chin. “Your mouth says one thing but the rest of you says something else...how interesting.”

Bucky shifted foot to foot, hoping the movement would stop the growing disgust in his body.

“Anyway...my sheets need cleaning, off you go...”

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next coffee meeting with Nat, Bucky mumbled an apology, he couldn’t afford to buy himself a drink, let alone her.

“It’s fine James, I make enough to get us both shit coffee.”

There were nicer coffee shops, but none of them were a five minute walk from the apartment, that was all Bucky could manage in front of people.

“How’s the club?”

Nat flexed her lips, “they paired me with Dave...”

“Dave’s my replacement?”

She nodded with a wasp chewing expression, “he’s awful James, god-awful...”

“He’ll get the hang of the routine...”

Her hand reached out, grabbing Bucky’s remaining one, “he’ll never be you though, I’ll never enjoy dancing with him like I did with you.”

Bucky shot her a weak smile, “thanks Nat...”

“So how’s Becca?”

A scolding hot sip of coffee made him wince...

“Answer the question James...”

He sighed rubbing his stinging lip, “she’s really excited about travelling-

“You told her she can’t right....”

“How could I do that to her Nat, she’s happy.”

“James,” She hissed, “you haven’t got the money.”

“I’ll find a way-

“James...”

“I will.”

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

It was two days later Alex knocked on his bedroom door before leading him into the living room. Alex’s laptop glowed on the couch cushion, angled away from Bucky’s sight.  
“I’ve got a job you might be interested in...”

Bucky gulped, “what kind of job...?”

“Entertaining people.”  
The grin on Alex’s face widened until his yellowing teeth showed.

“Like- like the stripping.”

“A bit different from that, you’ll never do that again.”

Bucky swallowed his coiling throat, “yeah erm, what then.”

“You go with clients, give them a good time...”

“Like an escort.”

Alex released his bark of a laugh, “a niche escorting service...”

He patted the space next to him on the couch and Bucky almost tripped over himself to get there. Alex was actually sitting with him, not recoiling in horror...

The screen of the laptop had his jaw unhinging, dangling helplessly. There were photographs of him, pictures of him asleep in the spare bed. Topless, torso and missing arm in full view, close up’s of his face and the pink lines lashed across it-

“What the hell?”

“You see, you don’t do it for me anymore James, but you do it for some people.”

The comments below the pictures were full of sick fantasies involving Bucky-

“No way!” he shouted, jumping up from the chair.

“These men are willing to pay a lot to spend time with you.”

Bucky flailed his hand towards the screen, “they want sex-

“Not all of them do, the highest paying want sex, but you can start small till your comfortable...” 

“You wanna pimp me out?”

Alex huffed in frustration, slamming the laptop down, “I’d take a cut yes, but you’ll be making the same as stripping.”

“No fucking way.” He stormed towards his room, no backward glance to Alex or his stupid job, until...  
.  
“Poor Becca won’t get her dream trip then, won’t get to finish her degree when she’s so close...”

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

The next day he woke with the persistent ring of the phone, Becca’s name signalled to him and he groaned.

“Hey, I’ve called like five times...”

“Sorry, was sleeping...are you alright?”

Becca blew a raspberry down the phone, “it’s lunch time, why aren’t you up, that boyfriend of yours lets you get away with murder.”

“Why you calling and ruining my much needed beauty sleep? You’re such a brat...”

Becca giggled and the warmth of her laugh lit a beacon in his chest, her happiness was worth everything.  
“I called to see if you could transfer the rest of the money for the trip-

“But...I gave you it.”

“That was just the deposit dufus....it’s still alright right? If there’s not enough I’ll-

“There’s enough, the end of the week I’ll send it in.”

She puffed a breath of relief, “I soooo need this break, super excited, I’ll send you pictures whenever I can, ‘nd call ya.” 

“You better.”

“I know I don’t say this enough, but I love you Bucky, and all you’ve done for me....I know it was hard giving up your dreams, throwing away those years of training to take care of me-

There was a wobble in her voice, emotion spilling over, Bucky didn’t like her upset.

“Becca, you’re the most important thing in my life, always will be.”

“I guess,” she hiccupped a laugh, “guess you should thank me...”

Bucky waited for her to continue, wondering what the end of the sentence was...

“If you’d of stayed in the army you never would’ve met Alex, got yourself an older man to respond to your every beck and call.”  
She sniggered, Bucky pulled his lips into a smile and produced a piss-poor laugh of his own.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

He couldn’t believe he was looking, scrolling past the requests under his picture, some of them were so grotesque an itch in Bucky’s brain told him to call the cops.

“Start small.” He breathed to himself.

The requests were categorised, green relatively simple, orange were stranger and red full on wrong. Starting with green Bucky scanned the comments, the users wishes. He couldn’t see the peoples faces, it was all completely anonymous.

“So you’ve come round to my idea.” Alex purred from behind.

“I don’t really have a choice.”

Alex parked himself on the couch beside Bucky, angling his head so he could see.  
“You picked one yet?”

Bucky swallowed harshly, tapping his finger to the screen.

“I’ll sort it.” Alex said gleefully, taking the laptop off Bucky’s lap. “I think this arrangement will work well for both of us ....”

 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Bucky stared up at the hotel, stomach churning uncomfortably. The taxi Alex had got him was fading in the distance, leaving him in the middle of the street.

There were too many people, too many eyes sneering his way, were they looking at him like that woman had, like he was a monster, someone to fear. He wanted to vanish, disappear into the ground.

He twirled retreating from the building, he had no idea how to get back. His heart picked up pace, movements became darting and wild. Fuck he was in trouble.

Stumbling in an alley he tugged his phone from his jeans, Alex, Nat, the flaming Taxi, he didn’t call any of them, he stabbed his thumb at Steve’s name and waited.

“Grampo-pops how can I direct your call...”

Steve’s voice sunk into his muddled brain, eradicated the panic gripping him-

“Hellllo? You there?”

“Yep erm, hi...could you...could you...”

“Could I what?” 

“Say what you did in the snow?”

Steve made a weird creaking sound in his throat, “erm, about being a virgin?”

“No-not that...the other thing, just before I passed out...”

He could’ve said the actual phrase, but he didn’t want to hear his own voice say it, he needed Steve to, he needed Steve’s serious tone because then he’d believe it...

“Erm...I’ve never seen a stripper?”

“No no no, please Steve, I just have to hear it...”

Steve laughed uncomfortably, “what Buck?”  
The serious tone was there he just needed the words that go with it...

“Everything’s gunna be alright.”

Bucky slumped in relief, that did it, Steve’s voice and words could convince him of anything.

“What’s this about? Are you alright?”  
Bucky could hear the frown on Steve’s face.

“Tell me about your day.” He blurted.

“Wha-

“Please Steve, I just need you to talk to me.”

Silence followed and Bucky sunk his teeth into his lip in the muteness.

“Erm....I got up, went for a jog down the national Mall ‘n’ by the Potomac river, Sam got annoyed that I lapped him three times-

“Show off.” Bucky injected.

“Nooo, all that serum, gotta keep my fitness up.”

“And you can’t just do it on a running machine.”

Steve groaned, “you sound like Sam....after my run I had pancakes-

“God I love pancakes, haven’t had them for years, piles of cream an chocolate. So fuckin good.”

“Sam made them....he substitutes flour for protein shake.”

Bucky scrunched his face, leaning back into the wall behind, “that sounds gross.”

“It is, it really is...but I didn’t have the heart to tell him, been eating them every morning since-

“You’re too nice for your own good.”

Steve hummed in agreement, “couldn’t break his heart-

“Just breaking your bowel and stomach instead...”

A warm rumble fuzzed the phone, it travelled from the device down Bucky’s ear spreading heat and tingles. God Steve was good, so bloody good an addictive.  
“Anyways I ate the pancakes-

“Then silently threw them up in a toilet...”

Steve laughed again, “ no...then I went to train in the dome-

“You’ve been playing games again-

“Train-ing exercises.”

“Sure whatever...”

“Then you called...so, same question to you?”

Bucky rubbed his back against the rough brickwork, “I got up...a few hours ago.”  
It was a lie, he hadn’t slept all night too anxious over his new ‘job’.

“Lazy ass...”

The smile that spread Bucky’s face didn’t make it to his eyes, “then I went to erm..erm, it’s sort of a job interview...”

How else was he supposed to describe it, he might not be what the customer wanted, or he might change his mind and scrap the whole idea...it was a trial...session?

“That’s great Buck, what is it?”

“Errr, I don’t really wanna say in case...ya’know, I don’t get it, or I don’t like it... I-I’m actually late for it...got a bit nervous.”

“Jesus, not the best start...say you’re sorry, make some reason up for being late, say Captain America stopped you.”

Amusement danced in Steve’s tone but it was impossible to absorb, Bucky shuffled his shoulders on the wall behind, just to move, to do something...  
“Don’t be nervous, just go in there, sell yourself and they’ll love you.”

God that made him feel sick, he scrunched his eyes closed to make sure he wasn’t.

“I guess ‘m just...worried I’ll not like it or whatever...”

“Most people hate there jobs, they just do it till they can do something better, something they enjoy.”

Bucky found himself nodding along to Steve’s words, it was a job, he could do it till Becca’s trip was paid for then he could stop.  
“Thank you Steve.”

“For what?”

Bucky opened his mouth to speak, but found it difficult to express, finally he settled on, “for being so bloody good.”

Bucky walked back to the hotel, staring up at it he breathed deep through his nose, he pictured Becca’s happy face and heard Steve’s words of wisdom echoing between his ears. He could do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve's up next, hope you guys are enjoying so far, gunna be a bumpy ride


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve had a problem, a certain brunette had invade his mind and heart. The calls continued, often hushed whispers with Bucky muffling his mouth so no laughs escaped. Steve didn’t quite understand the secrecy of there talks, they weren’t doing anything wrong, weren’t crossing any lines, they were...friends?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve/Bucky  
> Unbeta'd so typos...  
> yeah... <3 love to those reading :)

Steve had a problem, a certain brunette had invade his mind and heart. The calls continued, often hushed whispers with Bucky muffling his mouth so no laughs escaped. Steve didn’t quite understand the secrecy of there talks, they weren’t doing anything wrong, weren’t crossing any lines, they were...friends?

 

Except that was the problem, he didn’t want to just be friends. His heart was morphing, centre a Bucky shaped hole. At first he thought it was some kind of protective response to what happened, but then they started the phone calls regularly.

He told Bucky stuff he hadn’t told anyone, stuff about the war, about his Ma who passed away when he was a kid. He told him he felt like a fraud, not worthy of the Captain America mantle but the brunette ripped that thought to shreds-

“Shut that American perfect mouth of yours Steve...”

He told him how even though he had a family with the avengers, he still felt alone. They had things outside of work but Steve had nothing, his fame meant dating and even speaking to people was complicated. The press hounded him in public, women threw themselves at him and journalists searched for dirt on him. In the end he gave up on social interactions and locked himself away in the apartment.

“Well, you’ve got me now too.” Bucky told him with his smug-ass tone.

His phone became his most treasured possession, not his rare-as-anything shield. It was his life-line, a link to something that didn’t involve the Captain America status. Bucky was Steve’s, not the guy in red-white and blue...

Steve scanned the skyline, excited energy popping in his stomach. The phone next to his ear buzzed, waiting for the brunette to answer.

“’ello old man...”

Steve grinned, his reflected expression in the glass made him blush, he was an embarrassing wreck when it came to this man.  
“I’m not old-

“Ninety-year-old virgin.” Bucky reminded.

Steve loved there teasing conversations, but he was phoning for something else that day.  
“You live in New York? Right?”

“Erm...yeah...”

The red flush in Steve’s face persisted, “erm-so...I was thinking maybe we could meet up somewhere...have a catch up face to face...”  
The silence stretched between them, all the fluttering butterfly’s in Steve’s stomach ground to a halt, changed to bees buzzing uncomfortably.

“I-I don’t think that’s a good idea Steve...”

“Why not?”

Bucky swallowed audibly, “it’s...complicated...”

“Is it Alex? Would he not let you?”

“I- it’s not that, erm...things are...are...It’s not a good idea okay...”

“No it’s not Okay,” Steve bit back, “the whispered phone calls, you saying you can’t meet up, I don’t get it Bucky, we’re friends aren’t we.”

“Of course we are-

Steve twirled away from the skyline, sulking his way back to the couch. “Last time I saw you, you were broken in bed, with that animal sneering over you...I just-I just want to see for myself you’re alright, I can’t picture that it my head anymore...”

“’m fine Steve.”

“That’s what you say every time, but I wanna see it, Tony said we could use something called face-time-

“No!- can we wait, till things settle down, till I’ve got myself together, just not yet Steve, I’m not ready-

Steve sighed at the ceiling, “not yet...but someday.”

“Yeah, someday.”

“I’m sorry if I’m being pushy Buck, but it hurts to think of you in that state, and-and I’d really like to speak to you properly...”

“Me too Steve...”

 

Bucky wasn’t ready to see him yet, he didn’t no whether part of that was Alex, or whether the accident was still too raw to see the man responsible. He didn’t ask to meet up again, Bucky grumbled that he was busy with work and the schedule was all over the place, Steve knew that it was his way of avoiding any possible chance of a meet up, but he accepted it for the time being. When Bucky was ready, he’d be waiting...

 

“Jarvis, recreate the mountain peak...”

The blinding light morphed into shapes, adding colour and height. Steve stood on the mountain ridge of months ago, the sun was hidden by wisps of cloud, casting shadows on the cliff.

“Clear Sky.”

“Of course, sir.”

The sun blared, the snow twinkled everywhere Steve looked.

“Temperature drop, slight wind...”

Coldness swept over him, he felt the tips of his ear’s and the end of his nose aching from the flash of ice. The conditions were the same as that day.

“Hologram of Bucky Barnes.”

He appeared, ten meters away from Steve unmoving. Tony had managed to recreate him perfectly, from the clothes he was wearing to the dimpled chin and angled jaw. His eyes were covered by the black shades that had ended up imbedded in his face.

“Can-can you remove the shades?”

“No sir, Mr Stark has only created this version...”

Steve nodded glumly, he wanted to see those ocean blue eyes again, wanted to see the skin creasing when he smiled and the dent that appeared at the top of his nose when he pouted.

“Run simulation...”

The ridge creaked, Steve started running, legs powering down the path. Silence echoed, his pants of breath hissed in his ears, then the edge fell, only two meters away.

He hadn’t made it, not fast enough, not quick enough. He watched Bucky fall again, get consumed by flurried snow and sharp rock-  
“Again Jarvis...”

The simulation reloaded, Steve ran, muscles cramping and burning and he still couldn’t catch the brunette. Over and over he repeated the moment, never close enough to save him from the fall.

Red glinting metal shot up from the cazum in the path, the iron man suit clutching on to the hologram of Bucky. He landed next to Steve, placing the brunette beside him.

“So this is where you’re hiding, on some freezing cold mountain, if it was me, I would’ve at least had Jarvis create a sunny beach...”

Steve didn’t respond, attention fixed on the fake version of Bucky. He couldn’t speak of move, not unless Tony programmed him to. He stood with a fixed expression, shades hiding his breath-taking eyes.

“He’s a looker, even I can see that...you should’ve seen him at the club, the way he danced, turned my head and I’m straight and engaged to Pepper...”

Steve rebuffed Tony’s attempt at humour, “I couldn’t get to him...”

“We know Steve, it kinda happened...but-

“No...even if I tried I couldn’t of got to him.”

Tony frowned, glancing at the hole behind himself, “what do you mean if you tried?”

The breath that seeped through Steve’s teeth hurt, “I froze when it happened, I didn’t no what to do-

“So your way of combating that is the prove you couldn’t of done anything....Steve you gotta deal with this guilt, you’ve spoken to him right? You know he's okay.”  
Steve bobbed his head in a yes-

“An is he angry with you, does he blame you?”

Steve opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Bucky wasn’t angry with him, had never blamed him for what happened, they’d never even spoken about that day.

“I think you need to talk to him about it, ‘cuz this,” He gestured a hand to the brunette, and the collapsed path behind, “isn’t normal.”

 

At first the hushed phone calls had been once a week, but over time it developed to every other day. Bucky’s mood had improved, he teased and joked. His gruff laugh did things to Steve’s insides, made them squirm and tingle.

Bucky answered on the third ring...  
“Grampo-pops you getting too old, our therapy session was yesterday.”

Steve smiled, it was true they’d had a session of trading teasing insults the day before. He was breaking there every other day rule, not that they’d actually discussed it.  
“Yeah well, wanna talk to you about something...”

“That sounds serious, ermm, it can’t take too long though, I’ve got work in 10-

Steve glanced at the clock in the kitchen, it was ten to nine at night...

“Your job has you working such strange hours...”

“My job? You have to fly over the other side of the world, call me at all kinda unearthly times.”

“I do enjoy waking you up, you’re such a moody jerk in the morning.”

Bucky sighed down the phone, “three in the morning Steve, no one’s happy at three in the god-damn morning.”

“So what’s that job of yours got you doing tonight?”

Bucky was always vague about his job, didn’t talk specifics, but from the small pieces of information Steve thought he worked in HR, helped people out with their problems...

“Erm, usual stuff...”

“At nine at night?”

“They move me about, slot me in to sort issues out...I don’t have a fixed position...”

Steve frowned, “but you work for a company right, organise the people within it?”

“Something like that...why the call granddad?”

The lingering feeling of unease was tucked away, Steve had phoned for a specific reason after all.  
“I just- wanted to talk bout that day...

“Hmmm, that day? What the day you were born, that was like two hundred years ago right...”

Steve chuckled, “No not that day, the-the day you fell...”

“Erm...right-

“I wanna say I’m sorry...it was all my fault, I shouldn’t of walked off and left you, shouldn’t of shouted like I did- that’s why it happened, why you got so hurt and almost died, it was me-

“Steve Stop.”

He did, gripping the back of his neck in restraint.

“None of it was your fault-

“I yelled, and it made the cliff collapse.”

“Steve, I spent the whole time irritating you, I was a completely jerk and deserved what happened to me.”

Steve flapped his head side to side, “no you didn’t, what happened-

“Outta everyone on that trip, I deserved it, it wasn’t your fault Steve, it was mine for being an asshole, don’t blame yourself.”  
Steve was going to, regardless of what Bucky said-

“Wait,” Bucky shouted alarmed, “is that why you talk to me? Outta guilt or some fucked up responsibility?”

Steve stuttered on his words, he felt guilty and a desire to know Bucky was okay. But he’d kept speaking to him, couldn’t get enough of the phone calls-

“’cause I don’t want that Steve, I don’t want to be pitied, if that’s what this is about you’ve gotta stop now-  
Steve didn’t miss the way Bucky’s voice got more and more panicked, high pitched on despair.

“Easy Buck, I talk to you because I wanna.”

The phone crackled with a harsh breath, Steve waited for the brunette to speak. He took a few deep breaths before continuing.  
“You can’t do that to me Steve, don’t do this outta some messed up hero shit, I’m talking to Steve Rogers not Captain America...”

“....Steve Rogers not Grampo-pops?...”

Bucky laughed, but it didn’t sound right.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone always told him life was full of up’s and downs, you gotta take the rough with the smooth, Bucky wasn’t prepared for both extremes every day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning this chap for humiliating sexual acts and rape...  
> read the tags if unsure  
> Unbeta'd so typos are all mine.  
> Thanks for reading and Kudos, really appreciate it <3

Everyone always told him life was full of up’s and downs, you gotta take the rough with the smooth, Bucky wasn’t prepared for both extremes every day.

The work was everything he expected, degrading, humiliating, his stomach filled with nausea at the vile words of his customers and the odd things they wanted him to do, so he zoned out...and then when they’d got there fill, they switched into different people.  
They cleaned him up, got him dressed and reassured him afterwards he was great, had been so good for them. They made sure to call room service, bought Bucky whatever food he wanted and snuggled up to him.

Bucky’s mind felt like it was being pulled in all different directions. He hated what he was called, what he was made to do or what they did to him, but afterwards, afterwards he curled up into the arms of someone that mumbled how good he’d been, how amazing it felt to be with him.

 

His first job had been utterly awkward, but that added to the degrading role playing. All the client wanted to do was masturbate on Bucky’s chest, rub it into his skin and the scars of his arm.  
Bucky fidgeted, removing his t-shirt with difficulty and climbing onto the bed. The man erupted in three strokes, painting white stripes all over Bucky’s skin, thus Bucky nicknamed him three-strokes...

Three-strokes was nice, he never touched Bucky intimately or asked Bucky to perform on him, he swept his cum round Bucky’s skin, making a point of rubbing it in his armpits and along his neck, but that was it. Job done. Then came the unexpected bit, three strokes washed him in the shower, wiped all the crusted stuff off his body while muttering how good he’d been, how hot he was. Bucky closed his eyes to the praise, relaxing into the fingers that caressed his skin. It wasn’t sexual, not for Bucky, but it was intimate. Three-strokes wrapped him in a towel, leading him to the bed and laying down beside him, cuddling up to his side while watching movies on the hotel-TV. When time was up, he thanked Bucky, giving him a peck to the cheek and then left.

Two minutes of humiliation, followed by a few hours of being cared for, it was worth it. He blocked out the words; it was nothing Alex hadn’t already said to him, his body became a puppet, moved and positioned by someone else, he blanked his mind and let whatever happen, happen. He only picked the green requests, he didn’t have to get anyone off and they weren’t allowed to touch his cock, his shorts stayed firmly in place.

One client asked if he could shove his boxer shorts in Bucky’s mouth, Bucky reluctantly agreed, trying his hardest not to concentrate on the state of the clothing, the man didn’t seem satisfied until Bucky’s muffled cough set him off. Once he realised that was what the guy was after it was easy to satisfy him. The shorts changed to other items, a scarf which tickled the back of his throat for days, some socks which the brunette tried not to smell. Always soft material to muffle his voice, make him choke and his face redden, Bucky nicknamed him the choke-chain...

Another client wanted him to suck a banana while he touched himself, that was surprisingly simple and Bucky got a snack out of it after. It was always a banana, sometimes more than one in his mouth at a time, he earned himself the uninspiring name ‘Banana man.’

But, Bucky’s favourite client was called Brock. Strictly speaking the weren’t aloud to know each other’s names but Brock had scraped that, introduced himself with a bright smile.

Brocks tastes were simple, he pushed Bucky back on the bed, straddling his waist. Thick thighs pinned him to the mattress. Brock loved it when Bucky tried to wiggle away, tried to buck the other man off and thrash to escape. Brock stoked himself to Bucky’s pleas, grumbled that he was disgusting and deserved to be punished. He liked to finish in the brunettes hair, which he hated at first, but then he was taken into the bathroom, a hot bath was run for him while words of awe spewed from Brocks lips. His fingers parted Bucky’s hair, tingling his scalp in the warmth, he was dunked into a feeling of sleepy security, positive Brock would take care of him. He always did. 

Bucky was a yo-yo, degraded and cared for, ridiculed. His persona of a sexual aid steadily took over his life. Alex no longer hissed quite so much at him. He was still called disgusting, a creep but less so....and at night he curled up in bed on the phone to Steve. Steve didn’t know what he’d become, what he looked like. On the phone Bucky could be his old self, his happy self. Steve and Becca kept that piece of him alive, nurtured it and kept it safe from being completely eradicated by his own thoughts and other peoples.

Nat saw a change in him, a growing confidence, it was sick that it was effecting him that way, but being treasured, just for a few hours made him feel like a person again, a deformed, messed up person, but that was splitting hairs....The red head wasn’t happy when she found out, yelled at him he’d lost his mind. Perhaps he had, but he didn’t give a fuck because for the first time in ages he had happiness singing in his veins. 

“It’s worth it Nat, ‘n’ I’ve given Becca the money to travel, I’m making near enough what I did when I stripped.”

“James its dangerous, what if you get someone who try’s to hurt you?”

They were all trying to hurt him mentally, that was what turned them on, but he was too fucked up already to care. A sense of bitter arrogance grew in Bucky like a tumour, these people were trying so hard to upset him with their desires and words, but it didn’t work...Bucky already felt that way about himself, he was untouchable. The knowledge made him feel a little smug. Steve and Becca had access to the last remaining part of him, as long as the facade lived on in them, he was invincible.

“I don’t go with the people I don’t wanna, there all upfront about what they want to do-

“And what’s that exactly?”

Bucky shrugged, “mainly call me a freak an stuff, pin me to the mattress and cum on me.”

Nat pulled a disgusted expression, darting looks round the room to make sure no one had heard, “Jesus James, it’s not good for them to put all that shit in your head.”

“Nat it’s true, I’m deformed, a cripple, a monster, blah blah blah-

“James!”

He shushed her, shaking his head with a small smile, “but they want me anyway, they actually want to spend time with me.”

“Paying money to humiliate you.”

It’s worth it Bucky repeated in his head, the photographs Becca sent from her break just confirmed it. Her grinning with her friends either side of her. Bucky could handle anything thrown his way if that was the result.

“Don’t do anything you don’t wanna do, promise me James.”

He gripped her hand across the table, “I’m staying away from red don’t worry.”

Bucky’s phone vibrated in his pocket, he yanked it out scanning the screen.

“One of your customers?”

“Nope.” Buck grinned.

The message was a picture Steve had sent, mouldy looking pancake with the words ‘ _does this look good to you?_ ’

Nat was analysing, he could feel her calculating glare and pout. He slipped the phone back into his pocket  
“You do know you’re still smiling...”

Bucky felt his face, the lift of his cheeks and the pull of his lips, “so I am...”

“Gunna tell me who that was? It’s not a customer and certainly not Alex...and Becca doesn’t make you blush like that...”

He rubbed at his cheeks hoping he could disperse the heat.

“Tell me Buck...”

“He’s...a friend.”

Her eyebrows shot off her head and her mouth dropped open, “you’ve met someone?”

“Not like that...”

Her eyebrows wagged, “sure okay, but does he know what you do for a living-

“Hell no.”

“Not just a friend then is it....does he know about your messed up situation with your boyfriend, who now pimps you out..."

Bucky growled, good feelings of seeing the message drying up, “no he doesn’t.”

“So all your clients you don’t care what they think of you, but this guy you do....”

“He’s too good for me anyway.”

A red nailed finger wagged in his face, “ah so you do like this Mystery Mr X....”

“Well Mr X doesn’t like me the same way, and he certainly wouldn’t if he knew what I was doing...”

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When Bucky walked into the hotel he wasn’t greeted by Brocks usual bright smile, instead he shuffled on his feet, chomping down on his lip. “I wanna try something, if you’re up for it...?”

“What?”

“I wanna have you lying on your front naked...I wanna rub myself against you...”

Bucky breezed a breath through his teeth, “that sounds more like orange territory...”

“I won’t go in, just rub against you, use some lube so there’s no friction burn.”

“I’m not sure Brock....”

“I’ll pay you double what I do for the other stuff, we could just try it.”

His agreement was reluctant, but he peeled off his clothes, lying face down on the bed and waiting for Brock. The insults started, venom spewing and Bucky inwardly smiled that the words had no effect, he thought worse things about himself.  
There was a suction noise, lube slipping in Brocks hands. He pressed his entire body down on the brunettes, pinning him to the bed.

“Ready freak?”

Bucky nodded, too squashed to offer a verbal reply.

Brock began canting his hips, sliding his length along Bucks ass crack, getting as much friction as he could, each time he got too close, Bucky tensed, fisted the sheets with his hand. The slick turned hot, slimy on his back, he felt moisture tickle his inner thighs more wet with each humping motion.

Brock grunted, manic in his movements, growling crude things into the back of Bucky’s neck. His skin grew clammy, sticky and tacky in the sheets, then Bucky jolted, the tip of Brock’s cock coming far too close to entering.

“Brock...” He warned.

“What is it?” He growled back, nipping between Bucky’s shoulder blades.

“Get offa me...”

He rammed again, the head slipped in and Bucky’s body fixed tight, Brocks weight pinned him to the bed and there wasn’t enough air left in his lungs, fire burned in his throat, the comforter muffled his mouth making it hard to drag the air in. As soon as air was gulped down his throat Brock rammed it out again.

“You love it don’t ya, love me slamming into ya.”

His head was spinning, body hot and tingling. He knew Brock was inside him, fucking him hard into the mattress, but he felt too weak to respond, too vulnerable with only one arm, dizzy and disorientated. Everything was too hot, too wet, too wrong.

“Sto-stop.” Bucky tired, lungs burning raw.

Brock came with an almighty shout rocking gently in and out Bucky’s sore body.  
He laughed to himself, “sorry bout that, got a bit carried away...”

He pulled out with a slurp, panting down at himself, Bucky couldn’t move, he stayed face down on the comforter, indescribable emotions prickling his insides.

Brock rolled him over carefully, he spotted the damp patch on the mattress and raised an eyebrow, “looks like you enjoyed it too.”  
He hadn’t, didn’t want it, but he didn’t have to look down to know he’d cum on the bed, he’d gotten hard and more mortifying than that, he’d ejaculated, but there was no buzz, no orgasm, his body had just reacted and he had no idea why.

“It’s alright babe, I’m clean...Alex makes us do test’s first,” He stroked a thumb down Bucky’s cheek, “you did so good.”

Bucky blinked away the stinging in his eyes, wiped the trailed of tears on the back of his arm.

“I’ll run a bath...”

Brock got up, humming happily to himself before disappearing in the bathroom. Stumbling up on his shaking legs the room warped, the noise of rushing water echoed round in his head, he was dressing himself, clumsily, not bothering to turn his t-shirt the right way round.  
The corridor felt like a stuffy tunnel of darkness, he needed to get out, he needed to breathe, he couldn’t in that room. He used his hand to push along the wall, keep his legs moving towards the exit.

He found himself sat on a bench in central park, rocking back and forth trying to calm his rampant heart.  
He fished for his phone, stabbing angrily at the unresponsive screen, his fingers were too cold.

“Come on.” He sobbed.

Scrolling his few contact’s he found the name he needed, rubbing his thumb across the letters. 

“Hey, now who’s forgetting we talked yesterday...”

His throat was constricted, he tried to speak but all he could manage was a squeak of Steve’s name.  
“Bucky? What’s happened?”

“I dunno, I dunno what’s wrong with me, I-I-

Steve shushed him, he could hear the sound of him walking, moving somewhere quieter.  
“Breathe Buck, try to relax-

He didn’t have time for that, he had to still the chaotic feelings of his mind, and Steve was the only one who could do it.  
“Say it Steve, please god say it-

No hesitation this time, Steve’s voice breezed the words, “It’s gunna be alright Buck.”

“Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou-

“Bucky what’s happened?”

“At-at work, som-something, it happened and I dunno what’s wrong with me or what to do- 

“Easy Buck, just breathe-

Bucky did, copied the deep breathes Steve was taking, he was hiccupping, sobbing, he had no idea why his body was creating crazy-assed noises.

“Has someone hurt you?” Steve’s voice was hard, steel stabbing through the phone, Bucky felt like a fucking fraud to have that level of worry. Someone hadn’t hurt him, it had been the opposite hadn’t it? How was he supposed to tell Steve that?

“No, no ‘m fine-

“Buck, I swear to god if someone’s hurt you I’ll deal with them.”

Bucky laughed manically, he didn’t deserve Steve to care like that, to jump to his defence.  
“No one has Steve-

“I need you to swear it to me, swear it to me right now...”

Bucky didn’t know, his mind whirled in confusion, he didn’t want Brock, it had hurt when he pushed inside, his whole body tensed at the penetration, not wanting it in his body...but he’d gotten hard, he rubbed against the mattress with Brocks forceful thrusts, his body had released all over the material below.

Bucky scrunched his nose hard, “I-I swear Steve, I’m not hurt...”

“What happened then?”

“At work...I said not to do something...but it happened anyway, but it kinda worked out I think and I dunno how to feel...”

“Someone went against your advice?”  
Steve was frowning, Bucky was sure of it, could hear the scepticism in his tone.

“Yeah...I told them not to do something, but they did it anyways...”

Steve hummed to himself, “but it turned out okay? The other person was right in the end?”

Bucky’s mouth popped open, “I- erm, I guess so...

“And you don’t know whether to be angry they undermined you?”

“Yeah- I said no, kept saying no, but, I didn’t think it would work but it did and I just dunno what that means or what to feel.”  
He hadn’t enjoyed it...but the evidence was on the bed, his mind hadn’t but his body must have. He pitched over on the bench readying himself to be sick.

“Think ya just gotta accept they knew better than you on this occasion, don’t be angry cus it all worked out in the end, the amount of times Tony goes against the team is crazy, but he’s usually right in the end, just takes some getting use to--

“’m gunna be sick.”

“Wait what?”

His hand holding the phone was shaking wildly, he listened to Steve performing the deep breaths again, closing his eyes.

“You been sick?”

He shook his head before feeling like an idiot, “I mean no, haven’t been sick.”

There was a twang down the line, the crunch of metal, “where are you?” 

“What why?”

“I’m gunna come pick you up.”

“No! No don’t.”

Steve sighed, “just tell me where you are.”

“’m not far from home.” He lied, flopping back on to bench.

“Can’t believe I’m saying this but if you don’t want me to come and get you, call Alex,-

“He wouldn’t come.”

“He would-

Bucky wrapped his fingers around a wooden slat, anchoring himself, “Steve...I don’t wanna talk to Alex, I don’t wanna go home, I want you to speak to me, I need you to-“

“What do you want me to talk about?”

Bucky shrugged, “Dunno, tell-tell me about when you were younger, when you were that kid with the chip on his shoulder.”

“You would’ve had one to if you were me, sickly kid the bully’s liked to pick at-

“I bet you started a lot of the fights, bet you never backed down from anyone even if you shoulda.”

Steve laughed lightly, “can’t give em an inch cuz they’ll walk all over you.”

“Never let anyone talk down to ya.”

“Nope, I may’ve had the body of a six-year-old girl but my mind was strong, I knew who I was-“

“A god-damn hero even at that age.”

Bucky tilted his head up to the black stretch of the sky, slouching back on the bench he could feel his heart slowing down to normal.

“Not a hero, but a nice guy, I just wanted to be a nice guy and didn’t understand the ones that wanted to be assholes.”

“No question about it, you’re the nicest guy I know Steve...”

“If you’re comparing me to that boyfriend of yours it ain’t hard is it.”

Bucky released a bitter laugh, “ Alex is Alex...

“He didn’t seem like the nicest of guys...”

“No, but he’s realistic-

There was a slamming sound from the phone, a glass being hit to a counter? “realistic? Is that what you call it, he was a bully to you in the hospital.”

“He wanted me to know what he did...my career was over, I wasn’t the same person I was the day before. The accident was going to affect him too, his business, our relationship, at least he was upfront about it.”

“Jesus Buck, you’re defending his behaviour-

“I understand why he’s reacted the way he has...”

Steve said something else down the phone, something biting directed at Alex but Bucky was distracted by the figure jogging towards him.

“I gotta go...”

“Don’t, we can stay talking for longer, I won’t mention Alex again...”

Brock was a few meters away, mouth poised to speak.  
“Bye Steve.”

He hung up just as Brock settled on the space beside him. Brock wasn’t angry, his chest heaved, he gulped at the air.  
“Scared me babe, can’t just run out on me like that...”

“’m sorry I freaked out.”

Brocks hand came down on his thigh and he squeezed, “it’s okay, was unexpected I know, but we both enjoyed it, don’t need to worry about it.”

Bucky nodded glumly remembering Steve’s words-

“Now let’s get back to the room, bath will be cold but I’ll do you another one.”

He stood, offering a hand for Bucky to grab onto, after a moments hesitation he did just that, linking his fingers through Brocks, they walked hand in hand back to the hotel.

This time, the endless compliments and praise did nothing, he let Brock do all the usual things, wrapping him up and stroking his hair behind his ear. Kissing his forehead and brushing his stubbly chin over his cheek. There was no buzz of happiness, just a gaping hole.  
Becca, she was why this hollowness was worth it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve's up next....  
> Hopefully you guys are enjoying, this albeit uncomfortable ride....


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chance meeting with Pierce and a revelation. Dear oh dear Bucky....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd so typos are mine...  
> Steve's POV

Something didn’t feel right, a sensation gnawed in Steve’s head and it was getting harder to ignore.

Bucky’s reaction to being undermined at work was bordering on the extreme, he sounded like he was verging a panic attack and Steve managed to bring him back down. His own heart had ached painfully at Bucky in distress, he was moments away from demanding Tony did a sweep of the CCTV round the whole city to find him, but was it really about a disagreement at work?

Tony regularly went against the teams wishes, it was a daily occurrence and although annoying it never had Steve hyperventilating like that.

“Maybe he’s just not use to people standing up to him...” Sam tried, bobbing his head and agreeing to his own explanation, “yeah must be that, a stripper with an ego uncomfortable with someone challenging him, probably freaked him right out...”

Steve listened, but he didn’t agree, just narrowed his eyes an hummed to himself. Bucky had texted him later that night, saying he had calmed down and was safe at home, he followed it up with another message saying thank you for being so good.

The words haunted Steve, good, saying he was good implied everyone else Bucky was in contact with wasn’t. When he was upset he called him, not Alex or anyone else...Bucky thought Steve was good because he was being nice to him...

Fuck he wanted to see him, wanted to tuck his face into his neck like he had in the cold, like he had in the hospital.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

His jogging route became erratic, systematically mapping New York for a glimpse of the brunette, he even adjusted his running time, hoping Bucky might be around later in the day.  
He ran past the best pancake cafe’s, and ice cream stores, the ones Bucky had mentioned he loved. He jogged near the strip-club, thinking maybe he’d accompany Alex there, or go to see his old colleagues but he was never there, Sam and Tony had told him he was never inside the club either.

 

He slowed to a walk at the strip-club, it was shut, not opening till late but Steve still approached cautiously. The building was painted black, windows filled with plasterboard, strobes lights blared the name of the club, The Cobra...

A car door slammed and Steve jolted, hand reaching to his back to locate his absent shield. His hand dropped when he saw Alex climbing from a taxi...there was someone else on the back seat and Steve moved to see the figure, craning his neck.

The man in the back of the taxi wasn’t Bucky, his hair was shaved, build stick thin, he stared up at Alex in adoration. The greying man ducked his head in the open window, securing there lips before waving the taxi off...

“You’re with Bucky...”

Alex spun around, eyes wide when he saw who was talking to him, “Captain America...I’m terribly sorry but we’re shut right now-

“Why were you kissing someone if you’re with Bucky?”

“James understands the situation.”

The gloating in the greying mans face put Steve on edge, “what’s that mean...”

“He’s not the man he use to be, I’ve got needs that he can’t fulfil anymore,” he flicked his head back to the fading car, “he can...James understands, he knows he’s broken now.”

“You’re a bastard.”

The insult only made Alex smile bright, like it was a god-damn compliment, “I’m realistic...”

“Bucky’s worth a million of you.”

“James is a shadow of his former self, an empty shell of a person.”

“He’ll get by just fine without you, moving on from this,” he jutted his chin out at the club.

Alex sucked his lips together in amusement, “he still works for me you know...he’s still mine.”

“He’s got a job-

Alex nodded along, “he has indeed a very unique one I arrange for him.”

Bucky had never mentioned Alex was still his boss, hadn’t mentioned much about his job at all....

“I am curious though what has he told you his job is?...”

Steve didn’t answer and Alex rocked on his heels.

“Did he say it was some office job...or a cafe? Or a restaurant? Come on Captain America do tell me what MY James is doing...”

“He-he works with people...helps with there problems...”

Alex clapped his hands together in slow applause, “Clever boy, I guess that’s true, although he doesn’t help there problems, he is the problem and they do like sorting it out...”

“What are you talking about?”

All of Alex’s teeth flashed in a grin, “think my James has been lying to you, take my advice, stay away from him, you’re far too good for him Captain America.”

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Back at his apartment unease sploshed in his stomach, leaking into his insides and making his whole body feel off, every time he’d asked Bucky about his job he’d been vague, each time Steve asked what company he worked for the brunette didn’t commit to one, said they moved him around a lot. Something didn’t feel right.

“Hey old man?”

His cheerful tone didn’t sooth any of the uncomfortable churning, in fact it made Steve feel worse.  
“Hey Buck...”

“Someone’s a bundle of laughs today.”  
Bucky laughed lightly but there was nervousness hidden in it, Steve could tell.

“Where do you work?”

“I told you they move me about a lot, sometimes I’m one place, the next day ‘m somewhere else-

“Give me the name of one of them?”

There was another laugh, soaked in nervousness, “what I dunno Steve, don’t pay too much attention to the name on the door.”

“And what do you do when you’re there?”

“Help people out with whatever issues they got.”

“Like what?”

“Why-wh are you coming at me like that? Why the questions?”

On the defensive, screamed of a guilty conscious...Steve pressed on his eyelids, Bucky had been lying to him, he was sure of it-

“If you’ve had a hard day or whatever you can’t call me up and start something with me.” Bucky said with a shrill voice.

“I’m not starting anything Buck, just askin questions.”

“Well-well stop it.”

Steve perched on the kitchen counter, free hand clicking down on the marble while he thought how to approach the subject delicately.  
“I bumped into Alex today-

There was a sharp intake of air the other end of the phone, “wha-what?”

“He said some interesting things...”  
Alex had been vague as anything about the mystery job, but sewing that small seed of worry he thought Bucky would come clean.

“What did he say?”

“You don’t solve peoples problems, you are the problem.”

“He’s just trying to irritate you, ignore ‘im.”

Steve scrunched his eyes, he was going to try to lie his way out of it...

“All the lies Buck-

“I haven’t lied-

“You’ve made me believe one thing, knowing full well it’s not true, your don’t work in some company, you’re not doing work in HR, tell me? You think I’ll judge you? I won’t, I wouldn’t care if you cleaned toilets for a job, or collected garbage, but don’t lie, please don’t lie about it anymore.”

There was no sound the other end and for a minute Steve was sure Bucky had hung up, the brunette fuzzed the phone with a slow sigh.  
“I-I meet up with people, an-an I make them feel good.”

All the air in Steve’s lungs expelled, “what do you mean?”

“They erm- pay me to spend time with them.”

“Like an escort...?”

Material ruffled down the line, Bucky fidgeting against something, “no, not really like that...more for there...pleasure...”

“You sleep with them?”

Bucky didn’t speak but Steve could still hear his quiet breaths brushing the phone.

“I don’t usually sleep with them.”

The usually set off alarm bells but Steve swept it away, needing clarification.

“Tell ya what, why don’t you tell me, I won’t speak, or interrupt, I’ll just listen.”

Bucky released a breath that sounded more like a long drawn out ‘fuck’. Steve wasn't sure he was going to speak at all, but then suddenly, it was like a dam breaking.  
“I-I needed money, ‘n Alex said I couldn’t work at the club anymore, I wasn’t what I use to be...but he said he had another idea, he made this-this website, put pictures of me on it, of my face ‘n injuries, saying how I was disgusting an a monster and needed sorting out-

It was very hard for Steve not to interrupt at that point, but he ground his nails into his thigh’s to stop him saying anything or hurling a plate across the room-

“People would comment, write what they wanted to do to me...Alex set up this system, green requests...things that weren’t physically damaging, like no sexual contact or kissing...orange there was some sexual stuff and then red. I needed the money Steve, so I tried it an-an it wasn’t so bad, they say vile things but I can block it out, then afterwards they-they take care of me and whatever and it’s kinda nice...”

“They humiliate you for money? For their own sexual gratification.”

“Yes.” Was all the brunette said.

“You like them saying that stuff to you? Doing the things they do?”

“No, I don’t like it...but I need the money.”

Steve growled at the countertop, “everything isn’t about money Buck, what about you, you’re doing a job that degrades you, there trying to hurt you cuz it turns em on-

“You said most people hate there jobs, they do them till something better comes along, or until they’ve paid off a debt, that’s why I’m doing it-

“We’re talking about mental and physical abuse Bucky-

“It’s not physical, they aren’t allowed to touch me-

The churning in Steve stomach spasmed and he hunched over, “the-the other day, you were upset...told me something happened at work, someone did something you told them not to.”

In the following bout of silence Steve wracked his brain to think of what he said back...he said that Bucky should except he was wrong and the other guy was right....Steve hunched forward, placing one hand to his stomach to ease his guilty roll of sickness.  
“What did they do?”

“Steveee.”

“Tell me.”

“He wasn’t- he wasn’t suppose to go in but he did, wouldn’t pull out when I asked him to...but it all worked out in the end, I must’ve enjoyed it, cuz..well I must’ve.”

“You wanted to have sex with him?”

“No, I---I didn’t but-

“Did you enjoy it?”

“No-yes...I dunno okay! I must’ve.” Bucky growled, “I don’t wanna talk bout this anymore-

“He raped you-

“It wasn’t rape-

“You told him to stop an he didn’t.”

“It’s part of the game Steve! They like me trying to get away, they like me being all pathetic and asking them not to say that shit, it’s why they pay me, it’s why Brock pays me more that anyone else.”

“Money, again with the money, actually stop and think, you hate doing it, a guy rapes you and yet your still talking about money.”

“It makes it worth it!”

“Jesusss Buck, nothings worth putting your health at risk, your life-

“You don’t get it Steve...I’m everything they call me, all the horrible names, all the degrading comments about how I look, its true, all of it, but it’s okay, there not telling me anything I don’t already know, there words can’t hurt me. It’s a job, an easy well paid job.”

“Red....you said red requests, what are they?”

“I don’t do those ones-

“But what are they, what do those sick people wanna do to you?

“It doesn’t matter Steve!”

Steve’s fingers curled into the marble, cracking the top into pieces, “it does matter, it’s dangerous, you’re putting yourself in danger-

“I’m a mess okay, a monster, I can’t do anything, can’t work in some cafe making coffee, can’t model or strip or dance, but this-this I can do, I’m pathetic, a beaten down dog and they love me for it-

“Bucky it’s not love-  
The brunette growled in annoyance.

“Let’s meet, talk about this face to face.” Steve pleaded, Bucky was getting dangerously close to hanging up he could tell-

“No Steve! If you can’t accept what I am, what I do, then I don’t wanna speak to you no more.”

“I’ll never be okay with people hurting you Buck, and I don’t accept what those people tell you, it’s not true....”

“Goodbye Steve.”

Steve went to speak but the muteness on the other end had his mouth flapping, he stabbed the screen, dialling Bucky’s number again and again, he didn’t pick up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky up next an it aint gunna be pretty...


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to get worse for poor Bucky...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd  
> bucky pov  
> hope your enjoying, thanks for kudos :)

He and Steve were just friends, phone buddies, so why did it feel like he doused petrol on his heart and torched it...

Steve knew about him, what he did, what he was, but he didn’t understand. Steve was too good, someone as noble as him wouldn’t be able to see what Bucky had become, he’d blind himself to it, try to convince him otherwise. Try to save the un-saveable...

Bucky always knew their friendship would end. They were too different, the well mannered, fair Steve, not a etch on his skin, manly good looks and a caring expression that made granny’s immediately trust him, and that was ignoring the Captain America part...and then there was Bucky, dirty, deformed, a monster inside and out and proud of it...

They were opposites, Bucky’s ying to Steve’s yang....  
But, he didn’t realise how much it would hurt cutting him from his life, how his body ached knowing they wouldn’t speak again, he couldn’t call him and ask him to say those words. A wall in his mind had tumbled, exposing the last remains of himself.

 

Thinking of Steve ached too much, unearthed desires that shouldn’t of been there, not just lust, cuz Steve was the perfect specimen of a man, but an emotion bordering love, companionship and care, he wanted them from Steve, wanted to restart his own crippled heart and give them back to the blonde. But he didn’t deserve that, didn’t deserve Steve. And having that in the back of his mind was always going to destroy their friendship...it just felt a bit premature...  


 

Becca and Nat, they were the only good things left in his life.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“So what’s the face about?”

Bucky narrowed his eyes at the red head, “what face?”

“The lost puppy sad one...did something happen with one of your clients?”

“No.”

“Alex?”

“No.”

Nat scrunched her lips together, popping out the name, “Becca?”

“No.”

She bit down on her lip, “Mr X then...”

Bucky didn’t confirm or deny, he stared down at his coffee wishing it was bigger so he could drown himself in it...

“What happened?”

He took a sip of coffee, attempting to inhale it and die rather than have this conversation.

“James?”

“I told him what I do for money...”

She nodded slowly, “and he didn’t take it well?”

“He didn’t like it.”

Nat widened her eyes in an expression that said no shit!  
“I don’t like it either-

“But you understand why I do it?”

Another slow nod followed, “for Becca, to give her a happy life.”

Bucky smiled cuz at least Nat understood.

“Did you tell him that? You do it for her?”

He shook his head, long hair flapping against his jaw, “I said I needed the money...”

“’n what he say to that?”

Bucky didn’t answer straight away, “he said it’s not worth putting my health at risk, my life-

“An he’s absolutely right-

“Whose side are you on?”

Nat recoiled aghast, “it’s not about taking sides, it’s what’s best for you.”

“Keeping my sister happy, is what’s best for me-

“Not when it’s screwing up your life, not when your self-esteem gets so low you’re willing to lick a mans feet.”

A flash of humiliation was displaced by anger, “you said you understood.”

“I understand, but I don’t agree with it, it’s wrong, the way they treat you is fucking wrong!”

“It’s for Becca-

“How do you think she’ll feel when she finds out, cus she will find out.”

Over Bucky’s dead body would Becca know about any of this...she’d be- she’d be disgusted just like his mom and dad would be, just like everyone else was.

Bucky stood up fast, spilling his coffee and scraping his chair on the floor, everyone whipped there head’s to see, the sudden attention from everyone had his heart rate rocketing, breaths coming in staggered pants.-  
“Take a good look at the freak,” he sneered, “it’ll be the last time you see ‘im.”

Nat called out after him but he was running, not looking back, not caring where he ended up.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Becca, she was the only good thing left in his life, and he was going to make sure she had the best possible life she could.  
Bucky swiped his phone, bringing up the picture she’d sent him. Her grinning in front of the Eiffel tower, each day she looked more and more like their mother, brown orbs of eyes and wavy brown locks.

He tried not to think about his parents, they would’ve sided with Steve and Nat...but they weren’t here, they’d died, leaving Becca with a fear that he would do the same if he followed his dreams. So he left after completing his training, got spotted by Alexander Pierce who loved him in uniform, made him sexually undress it to screaming women.

His dad would’ve been ashamed he was making a mockery of the division, but he was dead, had done something so selfish as to die and leave him and his sister to it.

The message under Becca’s picture read, ‘get Alex to bring you here, so romantic...”  
Alex’s only romantic relationship was with wads of cash... The screen blackened and Bucky sighed into his pillow, not letting Steve’s or Nat’s word invade his thoughts.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Bucky knocked on the hotel door, waiting a beat before knocking again. Brock swung it open with a shy grin.  
“Hi...”

His favourite customer now made his skin crawl, but there hadn’t been anymore orange episodes, back to green...  
Bucky stepped into the room and froze, candles decorated the space, the flickers cast shadows on the walls. The bed wasn’t covered in the usual yellowing comforter, but red silk sheets and pillows, there was even a bunch of flowers in a vase beside the bed. Bucky didn’t really care for flowers, but the week he’d just had, seeing them brought a tear to his eye.

“Brock?”

He shifted foot to foot in the door way, “just wanted to do something nice for ya...”

Bucky frowned, the whole role-play sex was the opposite, based on humiliation, Brock wanted a romantic night...

“So room service is coming, a bit of champagne, some steaks...”

“What’s the occasion...?”

Brock shuffled into the room, shutting the door behind himself, “it’s kinda my birthday...and I wanted to spend it with you...”

Bucky’s first thought was shit, he had no idea...but then why would he know, outside of his name, he knew nothing about the other man...  
“Erm...happy birthday...”

Brock laughed uncomfortable, and Bucky joined in till it morphed into a real laugh.

 

The steak was mouth-watering, the champagne tickled Bucky’s nose and made his eyes water. Brock laughed, told him to take it easy, it was strong stuff...

That’s what he said...but his hands eagerly gripped the bottle to re-fill Bucky’s glass.

Bucky felt happily dizzy, laying down on the bed he rubbed his face against the silk and purred at the feeling, it was smooth on his prickly beard, soothingly cool-

“I-I wanna try something.” Brock said, weight settling next to Bucky on the bed.

“Try the champagne, the champagnes great....

“No not that....I wanna try something that’s a bit- a bit...red.”

Bucky frowned at the dancing shadows above him, “I don’t do red...”

“I know but...”Brock pulled a slip of paper from his pocket, passing it to Bucky’s palm.

It took a few attempts to focus on it, but when he did his eyes went wide.  
“Ten thousand dollars.” He said dumbfounded.

Brock nodded, tucking Bucky’s hair behind his ear, “yeah babe, direct to you, Alex don’t get a cut...”

Becca, it would pay for her final year, would pay for everything she needed. One night and his little sister was sorted, could graduate-

“What do you wanna try?”

Brock continued running his fingertips through Bucky’s hair, “I wanna do a rape scenario...”

“Wasat,” Bucky tried to unstick his fuzzy tongue, “what’s that?”

“Sex, but you gotta struggle and tell me not ta, gotta try fight me off.”

Ten thousand dollars, for something they’d already accidentally done before...

“I won’t do it unless you agree to it...”

Bucky slid the piece of paper on the bedside table, next to his fresh smelling roses, “Brock, for ten thousand dollars do what you like...”  
That’s what he thought he said, what his brain wanted to, but what came out of his mouth was a slurred jumbled mess. He didn’t have time to dwell on it, Brock was on him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steves up next....


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve gets dragged to the cobra and meets a fierce red-head...

Phone to his ear Steve muttered Bucky’s name over and over, yet again it went to voicemail and he struggled to think of something to say, he didn’t want to leave a mumbling message; he wanted to talk to him, understand what was happening in his head and try to help. 

Jesus he just wanted to see him, tuck his head under his neck and tell him everything was going to be alright.

“You gotta leave him for a bit, he’ll talk when he’s ready.”

Steve’s arm dropped at Sam’s words, he had to wait, he already felt like he’d waited too damn long. He had let the brunette slip through his fingers, lost him in a sea of people. He shouldn’t of left him in the hospital, he knew Bucky didn’t want him to go, only telling him to, to soften the anger of his boyfriend. He shouldn’t of gone, shouldn’t of shouted on the stupid cliff. He’d let the brunette down twice, he wasn’t going to do it a third time.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sam and Tony both linked there arms through his trying to walk him backwards towards the door. Steve stood firm, completely unmoveable against the two mere avengers.

“What you doing?”

“You Mr miserable are coming out and having fun with us.”

Steve rolled his eyes at Tony, he didn’t want to participate in his kinda fun.

“Come on Steve, just us and some drinks.”  
Sam had a much better way with words and Steve sighed, allowing himself to be walked backwards.

“Fine, but I’m not good company.”

Tony opened the car door, ushering Steve inside, “don’t worry there’s plenty of good company where we’re going.”  
The door slammed and Steve waited for Sam to climb in the other side of him.

“Where we going?”

“The Cobra.”

Steve shook his head, fingers finding the door handle before he was conscious of it, “no way.”

Tony sighed dramatically from the front, “Lighten up...you don’t wanna hear in but you gotta let Bucky go, he-he doesn’t care about you like you do about him.. He’s got a boyfriend, you got to stop this lost puppy bull.”

His fingers flexed on the door handle-

“Besides Peppers dancing tonight and I have to go along, she would like the support.”

Sam poked his head through the seats, “your encouraging us to hoot at your fiancée?”

“Just cheer extra loud...even if she falls over.”

“Your such a gentleman Tony.” Steve said deadpan.

“So you coming?”

Steve nodded, retracting his hand from the escape, “yeah why not.”

“Exactly, lets have some fun.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Steve didn’t disappoint on the miserable front, he stared into his beer watching the bubbles travel up and burst at the top. The club was stuff, darkly lit, with far too many people cheering and yelling.

He didn’t watch the show, even when Tony punched him on the shoulder and told him it was Peppers number, he grumbled down at the amber liquid.

Tony was tolerant of her desire to dance, had paid Alex so she had a spotlight on his rota. It made Steve angry that Tony co-operated with the asshole that was Bucky’s boyfriend, but he wasn’t going to let Alex ruin his friendship, his team. Besides Tony was doing it for Pepper, he loved her and wanted her happy, would do anything to make her so.

Pepper found it exhilarating, always returned to the tower with joyous smiles and excited energy, Tony was happy as long as she practised her routine with him watching, at least twice a day...

“That was incredible.” She beamed, settling in the chair next to Tony who scooted over and wrapped an arm around her.

“You were, very, IN-credible.” Tony nibbled at her earlobe and she dissolved into giggles.

Steve was saved from the sappy display by a glass thudding down on the table, froth sloshed over the top and for a split second Steve was reminded of the cliff.  
“For saving my best friend...”

Steve looked up into the fierce eyes of one of the dancers, sweat had her red hair in clumps, her clothing was tight black latex and Steve inwardly thought Sam would be salivating at this girl. A quick look to his left, Steve saw Sam with his tongue lolling out.

“Erm thanks...”  
He didn’t bother asking about where or when he had apparently saved her best friend, it could’ve been New York, could’ve been the disaster with ultron, Steve didn’t want to think about those incidents so he didn’t bother asking.

“Natasha, take a seat...”Pepper said cheerfully.

The red head glanced over her shoulder, before slipping in the seat beside Steve, “yeah why not-

“I’ll get you a drink.” Sam announced, tripping over his feet to get to the bar.

Steve sat next to the equally depressed looking woman, if he had more energy he would’ve attempted to talk-

“Jesus, face aches, what’s your problem?” Pepper laughed.

“Bucky-

Steve stopped speaking at the same time as the red head, both there mouths had popped open at the realisation they had said the same name-

“How do you know Bucky?” She demanded.

“We’re friend...”

She frowned suspiciously, “like...you see him?”

“Erm, no, we talk on the phone.”

Her expression that was bordering aggression morphed into wonder, “your Mr X?”

“Erm...what-

“Mr X was captain America.” She said to herself.

“Steve.” He said, he was Steve to Bucky not the captain.

Sam approached, spilling Nat’s drink as he slid it across the table, she caught it without even looking.  
“When was the last time you spoke to him?”

It had been 15 days exactly, far...too...long...”’bout two weeks...you?”

She bobbed her head slowly, still with her eyes fixed to the table, “about a week...we had an argument, he hasn’t picked up since.”  
Steve swallowed down the bubble of dread in his throat-

“I’m worried about him, I’ve called but he never picks up, every time I’ve been to the apartment Alex say’s he’s not there...I know he is, can see his blinds twitch when I leave...” Nat sighed sadly, letting her voice trail away.

The bubble of dread had sunk to Steve's stomach and weighted him to his seat, something was defiantly wrong-  
“You-you know what his job is?” He asked.

She nodded.

Steve went to speak but noticed the audience of Sam, Pepper and Tony all watching with various levels of confusion.

“Do you think something might’ve happened, someone hurt him?”

“All they do is hurt him, he just doesn’t see it.” She mumbled.

Steve’s grip tightened around his glass, the liquid inside jogged about in his relentless grip.  
“Where is he?”

She shook her head, “he won’t come out if you go there, he won’t answer...he-he doesn’t want you to see what he’s become-

Tony huffed loudly, “well you’re being rude.”

Pepper swatted him on the arm, “shut it Tony.”

“They’re having a conversation right in front of us, but not giving us anything juicy...I know you’re talking about Bucky...the dancer that use to be here...the one that our captain is smitten with.”

Steve was too worried to blush or react-

“What does Bucky do now then?” Tony asked, he shot a curious smile between Nat and Steve. Steve never mentioned Bucky’s job, it was no one else’s business.

“He’s an escort for sick bastards that wanna torture him.”  
Nat’s words were so blunt and venomous, Steve was sure the tables around them had hushed to listen.

“Escort? What site does he work for?”

Steve’s eyes grew wide, he hadn’t thought to ask that.

“Alex arranges it, its his website-

Evil, that man was a whole other league of evil-

Tony hummed, pulling his phone from his pockets, “come on, what’s it called, can’t be that bad.”

“Fucked up fetishes...”

Pepper’s eyes grew to balloons, Sam was miming what the fuck to the side of Steve’s face.

Tony rolled his eyes, typing on his phone. Whatever came up made his face freeze, Steve could see he was scrolling down-  
“Jesus...what the hell has he got himself into?”

“Let me see.” Steve said, reaching across the table-

“No Steve,” it wasn’t Tony that spoke but Pepper, “you don’t wanna read this stuff.”  
Rage was spilling in Steve’s body, he thought about what the brunette had told him, the requests of his clients, his refusal to tell him about the red ones...

“I’m gunna go get him.”

Nat protested, “Alex won’t let you anywhere near him.”

“I don’t care what Alex does or doesn’t want. We need to get Bucky outta that,” he gestured to the phone, no longer wanting to know what was on it, both Tony and Pepper had turned a ghastly white, tears prickled in Peppers eyes-

“Steve wait.”  
He stood, still vaguely listening but ready at the drop of a hat to start running round the city and knocking on every door-  
“Maybe we can bring him to us...”

Tony tapped away on his phone, “I’ll request him....Alex will listen to me, he’ll want my money-

“’m never stripping at this place again.” Pepper said, “not with that man owning it.”

Tony kissed the top of her head, “an I'd not let you work for a man that does that to his staff-

Tony stood, followed by Pepper, “We’re leaving.” 

Sam did the same, darting looks back to the red head.

Natasha’s expression was downcast, fixing on the stage, “it use to be so much fun with him...”  
She straightened, running her hand through her striking hair, “I’m done here.” She said, following the others out.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Tony had booked a green session with Bucky at the tower. For a whole week Steve couldn’t concentrate on anything else. He was terrified, rocking on the bed, pacing his apartment. He didn’t know what was going to happen once Bucky walked into the room, he didn’t know what he was going to be confronted with.

Natasha was going to be there, the vague plan was to try to convince Bucky he was worth more than those peoples sick fantasy’s, make him feel some self-worth again.

The day arrived, and the time ticked by, nine o’clock approached and there was still no sign of Natasha. Even Tony seemed nervous, non stop talking about god knows what.

The meeting was on Tony’s floor, Steve, Sam and Pepper were going to wait in one room until Tony had gotten Bucky into the apartment and settled him, then they were going to attempt to talk to him.

A knock sounded on the door and Steve froze, Tony pushed him into the other room with a stern glare.  
Steve waited, ears trained to the room, listening.

“Oh my god! Can’t believe I’m in Stark tower.” The joyful voice shouted-

“Shit, your iron man, like actually iron man!”

Steve pushed the door he was hiding behind, a smiling girl bounded around the apartment aweing at everything. Nat was there too, trying to calm down the other woman.

“Sorry-sorry, this is crazy.”  
She spied Steve and her mouth went wide, she approached, “Captain America..you-you saved my brother, I- thank you.”  
She was hugging him, Steve gripped back stunned.

“Steve, this is Becca, Bucky’s sister.” Nat told him.

Becca pulled back, eyes darting the room again, “soooo, where is he, why the mystery?”

Natasha strode over, holding on to Becca’s hands, “this is gunna be a hell of a shock, but he drove me to it.”

She frowned, smile still tickling her lips, “Okay Nat, whatever, just let me see Bucky, I’ve got so much to show ‘im.”

Natasha held her hands tight, “Becca, you have to stay calm, he’s not- he’s not.”

She flapped her hair side to side, “Not what Nat? Come on, let me see him. You asked me to fly back ‘n I did, now I want to see my brother.”

Natasha was struggling, she blinked in quick succession, eyes watering. Pepper stepped in, inviting Becca into the room they were hiding. She launched into conversation, asking where Becca had been, she was happy to talk about it, scrolling through her phone and showing pictures.

Natasha sunk against the wall, “think I’ve just made one hell of a mistake-

“She doesn’t know about any of this...”Steve muttered.

She shook her head, “not a thing, I shouldn’t of brought her here.”  
Nat’s hands were trembling, she shut her eyes, trying to control her reaction-

A faint knock on the door had her eyes snapping open, fixing on Steve’s, the same sense of utter terror radiated from them.

“Show time.” Called Tony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky up next and advanced warning for rape in the next chapter, skip chap 11 if you don't wanna read about it.....


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky thinks about the night with Brock, avoid altogether if your don't wish to read about the rape, the next chapter will still make sense without it.
> 
> Unbeta'd so mistakes are all mine.

Bucky locked himself away in his room for days, using the sink in his tiny bathroom to wash his skin. His hair was matted and still had the dark tinge of blood to it. He didn’t drag his eyes up to the mirror; he knew he was even more of a mess than before. 

The skin under his eyes had puffed into two sore black bumps, he could see the purpled skin blurrily when he looked around. His mouth stung, he resorted to small sips of water even though he was parched. Each movement of his face had a stab of pain shooting through his lips where the stitches pulled.

He staggered back to his bed, crawling under the comforter and wishing the world away. Replaying the night with Brock made him sob, made his self-disgust peek to a height it couldn’t descend.

 

It started off with him playing the scene, asking Brock to stop, doing a bit of thrashing and being pinned. The champagne had gone to his head, made it swim with dizziness. Brocks damning words became funny, Bucky had started laughing hysterically into the mattress.

“Is that all you got.” He goaded Brock, and the other man got harder, digging his nails into his flesh and ripping his clothing off in a rage.

Brock called him the usual insults, telling him he was dirty, unlovable, a poor excuse of a man.  
Bucky blew a raspberry into the silk, dissolving into a fit of giggles even though Brocks hands on him were starting to hurt.

He laughed till he ached, until a swell of sickness grew in his stomach, the champagne and steak no longer agreeing with him. He felt the heaviness in his gut, the way his diaphragm flexed and his body convulsed.

“Brock, ‘m gunna be sick-  
He tried to pull off the bed but hands brought him back, forced him down.  
“Get offa me!”

Brock didn’t hear too caught up in his fantasy, he thrusted deep into Bucky and he cried out, doing his best to shift up the bed, to get that stabbing in his rear to stop.

“Stop, please stop!”  
Pushing up from his arm was useless, he wasn’t strong enough, and all it did was exhaust him, made him panic when he realised he couldn’t escape.

Brocks hand closed around Bucky’s wrist, stretching him on the bed, face down.  
Agony flared at the base of his spine, the air in his lungs was stolen with every thrust and the churning in his stomach intensified.

His body heaved, he choked on the vomit, eyes burning. Brock held his head down, smothered him in the sick slick sheets. The smell of it had Bucky’s stomach clenching again, no more came out, but it threatened to, ached the tender flesh of his throat-  
The words Brock spat at him broke through the barrier in his head, his heart rate soared, his eyes leaked and his lip wobbled. He was _terrified._

He tried again to tell Brock he’d changed him mind and to stop, and for a second he thought he’d gotten through to the rampant man.  
He flipped Bucky onto his back, staring down at him with cold eyes, his face dropped down, lips connected with Bucky’s, drowning him with a slick tongue and the taste of bile.

Bucky struggled, pleaded, but Brock got more violent, more aggressive. His teeth latched on to Bucky’s tongue, slicing through till blood clogged the back of his throat. His chin and stubble smeared with a mixture of blood and vomit, Brock bit at Bucky’s lips, clamping down hard. Bucky screamed at the crunch, the tearing of his lip as Brock pulled at it, sliced it open slowly.

It felt like his face had been split in two, burning with raw blistering pain, Brock growled more words, laughed at Bucky’s begging. He was crying, hiccupping on blood and sick and despair. The pain where Brock rutted into him only increased, a fresh pain of splitting skin in the intimate area.  
“’elp..me...”he gurgled, with no volume to alert anyone.

Brock came with a roar, smashing his mouth into Bucky’s burning one. It took a while for Brock to come around, panting huskily against Bucky’s skin, “wow, didn’t know you’d be into it that much-

Bucky couldn’t speak, his mouth felt like it had tripled in size, the pain was fierce but the fear was more powerful, keeping him paralysed in place as Brock hurried off to the bathroom.

Brock wiped a damp towel over his face, cleaning off the vomit and blood, trying to sooth Bucky’s raw flesh.  
“You coming back to me baby?” Brock cooed, under the impression Bucky was floating in some fucked up bliss.

Brock kept wiping his lip, frowning more and more.  
“Babe, think we gotta go to the ER....”

He was redressed by Brock, then helped to his feet. He quaked, body unable to stand under its own weight. Brock shushed him, holding him up with a hand around his waist-

“Must’ve been good if your legs still tremble...”

Bucky couldn’t speak, had forgotten how to, could only walk with the aid of the man that had put him in this mess. His head played the ordeal on loop, the sensation, the swell in his stomach, the smell of vomit and the taste of blood, drowning in his own grotesqueness.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

He couldn’t talk at the hospital, Brock kept a reassuring arm around him, and it was fucked up cuz it was kinda nice to have someone touching him, rubbing his back in attempt at soothing him.

Brock told the doctors he’d been mugged, when he asked to access the rest of the brunette, Brock was quick to say he got there before anything else could happen, the attacker had just struck his face. Bucky shifted an a splitting pain flared at the base of his spine, at the sore abused flesh. The saddle of his jeans was damp, from Brocks bodily fluids and what Bucky suspected was blood.

The nurse patted Brocks shoulder in awe, he was Bucky’s saviour in her eyes. He needed stitches, under a local he had his lip sewn back together, had his tongue patched up. Brock held his hand tightly while it was done, an expression of sympathy on his face when the nurses were looking, but when they turned, it transformed to one like pride.

Things got worse when Alex arrived, sneering from the opposite end of the bed.  
Brock told him about the ‘mugging’, there was no sympathy in Alex’s eyes, just mild annoyance. 

“Maybe-maybe he should stay with me tonight.” Brock had said, “I’ll take care of ‘im.”  
Bucky shuddered, doing his best not to show anything on his face, Brock was still embracing him and Bucky was torn between shoving the man away or tugging him closer. He wanted care and comfort and he was the only one offering it.

“No, I’m here now, I’ll take him...” Alex sighed.

Brock was reluctant to let go, giving a small kiss to the top of his head and whispering, “call me baby.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

As soon as Bucky got back to his apartment, he crawled into his bed and sobbed, stuffing his pillow against his mouth so Alex wouldn’t be disturbed. Every part of him felt broken, being pulled all different kinds of way’s had finally shattered his mind.  
Alex left food for him outside the door, Bucky thought maybe he felt a bit of sympathy, it was a way of saying he cared.

“Need your strength up, you got a client Friday...”

Bucky didn’t eat the food, pushed it away, it would’ve just come back up again anyway. He didn’t go outside, didn’t even open the window in his room, he dissolved into a pit, worse than before, this time there was no light, no crack of brightness to aim for.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

When he found out he was to go to the tower he said no, there was no way he was going anywhere near Steve, or doing anything with someone he knew. He wanted to curl into a ball and die of starvation-

“Think of Becca, after she graduates, she’ll need money for a place...”

He swallowed guiltily at Alex’s taunts, wincing at the burn in his throat.

“Tony Stark, who would’ve thought he’d have sick desires...take some pictures when you’re there, might be handy for blackmail...”

Bucky didn’t want to do it, but each time he said so Alex grew nastier, biting comments about how he didn’t care for his sister.  
It’s only a green request he sneered, but Tony’s paying money like it’s a red one.

Becca, he could do it for Becca, it was the only thing he could do for her now he was a useless mess, provide for her by any means necessary.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

The taxi dropped him off outside the tower and he limped from the car, his body slow and sluggish, lack of food and recovery from the trauma had made him weak. He ducked his hoodie down, concealing his face as best he could.

Tony had given Alex the passcode for his private elevator, he bypassed reception and went straight to it.  
It was the longest elevator ride of his life and the whole time he was trying to fight back tears. Steve, he knew he was in the building somewhere, it was the closest he’d been to him since the hospital and it hurt to know he couldn’t see him.

“He wouldn’t wanna see you.” He muttered to himself.  
The elevator dinged, and he was confronted with a door. He stepped forward, picturing Becca’s smiling face, that was why he had to do it, push everything aside and accept what Tony Stark wanted to do with him.

He rocked on his heels, glancing back to the elevator. Escape, he should leave. His mind was screaming at him to go, it couldn’t cope with another night like the one with Brock. The chant of Becca took over his thoughts though.

His knock was soft, too soft, one that said he defiantly didn’t want to be there, but somehow Tony had heard, swinging it open with a huge smile.

The smile dropped off his face when he saw Bucky for the first time, “Jesus.” He breathed.

“Not quite...”  
The door was opened wide, and he passed in, eye’s trained to the marble floor in submission.

“Erm...come this way.”  
Bucky frowned, Tony was usually a lot more quirky in the videos he’d seen.

“So, how’s this usually work?”

Bucky shrugged, following behind Tony, “anything goes...I guess.”

“Anything?” Tony stopped, spinning round to Bucky.

“Just-just nothing...”he gestured to his face not sure how to describe it, he didn’t want anyone closing in on him like that, biting his lips and drowning him in his own blood, he never wanted to kiss anyone again, didn’t want the pain and the dirtiness-

“Hey?”

Bucky snapped back to attention, “sorry what?”

“Said you could sit down here if you want...”

Bucky glared at the chair, oddly sat in the middle of the room, “erm sure.”  
He perched on the edge, eyes whipping the room. Tony closed the door they’d just walked through, Bucky tried not to dwell on the sound of a key securing the lock.

There was another he could escape through, one in the corner swaying in the slight breeze...there was no breeze...Bucky frowned.

“Don’t panic okay...” Tony said slowly, and the door at the far end began to open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steves up, will hopefully be a much longer chapter monday....  
> don't hate me for hurting Bucky...
> 
> [tumblr](http://cookie-book-took.tumblr.com) if you fancy saying hey :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things don't go quite as planned....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little longer  
> Hope you enjoy.  
> Unbeta'd all errors are painfully mine.  
> Hope ya enjoy, let me know if ya do.
> 
> <3 thanks for kudos and comments <3

Steve often felt nervous, mainly when approaching a battle or fighting off some whack jobs idea of global domination. This in many ways was much worse. He knew in his gut he wasn’t going to enjoy seeing the brunette like he imagined he would, Bucky had gone into self destruct mode since the accident, the accident Steve had caused...and worse than being responsible he hadn’t realised how far Bucky was sinking, what he’d gotten involved in. 

Even the fake meeting left a sour taste in his mouth. Bucky was meeting with Tony to fulfil his sexual needs, his friend and Bucky. Jealousy was ridiculous but there was an element of it. Bucky wouldn’t even meet with him for a coffee but was turning up at the tower to see a client...

 

It was Becca who pushed the door open after hearing her brothers exchange with Tony, as soon as she did her hands slapped to her mouth to capture her distressed gasp.  
Nat put an arm around her shoulder as they walked into the room and Steve followed in after.

Steve’s whole body pulsed with the urge to rush over to the brunette, to trace his fingertips over the injury’s on his face. To demand the name of who had done that to him.

Bucky’s hair had grown by inches, just tickling his jaw. The scars from the fall were mere silver lines on his flesh, delicate like a spiders web. He wore a hoodie, it covered the stump of his absent arm, the material was creased as it hung on his frame.  
The dark bruises under his eyes made him appear sinister, zombie like against his pale flesh, his pink lips looked sore and cracked, not to mention the very obvious stitches that held them together. Someone had hurt him, Steve stood to attention with his hands behind his back, one had throttling the wrist of the other. He had to ground the rage, had to anchor himself to the floor not to rush over.

 

Minutes passed where they all stared at each other, Bucky glanced at each of them in turn, no emotion in his eyes, a coldness that itched Steve’s skin.

“No.” The brunette said finally, shaking his head minutely, “no no no no no-  
He dissolved into a bark of laughter, still repeating the same word, tears clogged in his eyes, spilling over his puffed up skin and falling to the floor.

“Bucky?” Becca asked- 

He stood up so fast everyone in the room startled, Steve could see he was trembling, see his body scrunched in its stance, hand clinging the back of the chair so he wouldn’t fall.

“Bucky...who did that to you?” Becca asked.

She approached, Nat and Steve stayed by the door Pepper and Sam were yet to come through.

“I-I..got mugged.” The brunette finally settled on.

There was another high pitched gasp from Becca as she continued her slow steps to her brother. Bucky was looking shifty as hell like he wanted to bolt or snarl, Becca reached her hand out tentatively, as if her brother was some startled animal stuck in-between fight or flight.

“Tell her the truth.” Nat whispered, Steve swallowed uncomfortable at the hitch in her voice.

Becca spun around, fixing Nat with a confused expression.

“’tis the truth...I got mugged-

“You’re lying, I can tell, you-you never make eye contact when you lie.” Nat hushed.

Bucky dragged his eyes off the floor, mouth poised to speak but the words didn’t come out when he looked at his sister. He sunk his teeth into his lip hard and Steve winced, shifting forward-

“Did...did Alex do that?” Becca tried.

He flapped his head left to right, eye’s unmoving on his sisters.  
“Well, who then, what? When did that happen?” Becca demanded with a broken sob.  
She pointed towards his face and he tilted his head away, looking for a second like he was going to ignore the questions.

“’bout a week....” He muttered finally, answering only one.

“And you didn’t even tell me? Nat had to call me an ask me to fly back.”

Bucky’s attention locked on Nat, his nose wrinkled and his teeth pressed firmly together, “how could you do this to me.” He forced through them with a snarl.

Nat took a step forward, “I want to help you James.”

“This is the opposite of help!”

“Becca needs to know the truth-

“Truth about what?” She asked, darting glances between Natasha and Bucky-

“About the money-

Bucky flapped his head side to side, lips pulled into a grimace, “don’t.”

“About how you can afford that holiday, college, about your living expenses, food-

“Our parents left us money” Becca argued, frowning fiercely at Nat, clearly not liking Natasha knowing about hers and Bucky’s money situation-

“There was nothing when they died, everything your brother has paid for.”

Becca wore the same irritated expression as her brother, “they left us money.”  
Nat shook her head, flicking her chin out to Bucky-

“You said there was plenty?” Becca questioned.

“I know what I said,” he bit out, “and there is plenty, for whatever you need or want.”

Becca took another step forward only for her brother to retreat from her, “where’s the money from?”

“Work.” He said finally.

Becca’s expression shuttered like she’d been slapped, she turned back and searched Nat’s face, even glared at Steve’s for clues.  
“From the stripping?”

A shallow laugh bubbled from the brunettes mouth, “stripping? Do you really think I could do that anymore,” he gestured to himself, eyes to the floor, “look at me, I’m a beaten down dog.”

He said the words with such poison that even Steve shuddered, Becca backed up a step and Nat took control of the exchange.

“There Alex’s words...there not true.”

“But they are Nat, I’m a mess, horrible to look at... People pay to torment the monster, to punish me for being what I am.”

Nat shook her head side to side, fiery hair flicking out, “you’re not, you’re my best friend, lost...you started going down this road and it’s time to turn around, it’ll only get worse-

“Worse than what?”

He smiled the predatory grin, the one that made Steve shift at the unpleasant expression. They did not plan for this situation, they thought there would be tears, lots of them, but then acceptance and hope, but Bucky looked hostile, unapproachable-

“You’ve got people that care about you,” Nat placed her hand to her heart, flicking her head over to Becca who had retreated beside Steve, white as a sheet, then Nat jutted her chin to Steve.

Their eyes met and the blonde did his best to push his sincerity through the gaze, his longing and his worry, Bucky smirked turning away.  
“A best friend, who betrays me and gets my sister here, and you,” he sneered at Steve, “who mocks me with your perfectness, who stares at me like you see some good in me, there isn’t any...it’s all gone-“

“I care about you Buck, a lot.”

“Some messed up hero complex.” Bucky snapped.

Steve swallowed, edging forward, “No, I care about you, want you to be happy-“

“Well I’m currently ecstatic so you’re all doing a swell job...”

“Buck, what you’re doing is messing with your head, the people hurt you mentally,” Steve repressed the surge of rage and added, “’nd physically.”

“It’s worth it...or it was...there words can’t touch me, a small bit of me’s locked away and they can’t destroy it...that small-tiny bit of me that remains is only there cuz of my sister, the way she speaks to me, an thinks of me, her happiness, now it’s gone.”  
He gazed down at his sister who couldn’t raise her eyes, they’d popped wide in horror.

“Not gone, Becca loves you, just as I do and Steve does.”  
Nat tried to reach for Bucky’s arm but he drew back with a hiss.

“It’s gone cuz of the way she looks at me,” he pointed towards Becca, “like I’m dirty and fucked up, that’s how everyone else see’s me too...Nat you’ve just taken that last bit of humanity outta me, you made the one person I never wanted to be disgusted by me, disgusted...Now I’ve got _nothing._ ”

He turned towards the locked door, Tony who had been leaning against it bristled-  
“Easy now-

“Out. Of. My. Way.”

Nat was frozen in place, Becca had slid down on to the floor face blanched...Steve stepped forward, palms up.

“Wait, please.”

Bucky didn’t turn, he just rocked on his heels trying to burn a hole through Tony.  
“Let me go.” He snarled again.

Tony moved from his position in front of the door, handing the key to Steve.

“I just wanna talk to you Buck-

“I don’t wanna talk to you.”

Steve could see the valley of tears dripping down the brunettes face, the wobble of his lips as he pressed his head to the door.

“Please, please Steve let me go.”

His plea ached so intensely Steve had to steady himself on the wall, blinking back his own waterlogged eyes.

“Please, stop this...I want it to stop.”

Confusion rattled Steve’s mind, “stop?”

“I don’t wanna do this anymore...please let me go it hurts, please.”

Bucky panted, forcing stuffy breathes at the blockade in front of him, he was shaking but not from anger from terror.  
Steve tried to reach for him but the trembling increased, Steve pulled back his hand fast.

“Pleassse.”

Hearing the fear in his voice had Steve surging forward, slotting the key and twisting, their eyes connected for a second, concerned reaching out to withdrawn and scared. Bucky blinked back the tears that were swimming.

“Thank you.” He breathed, stumbling into the lift.  
It was the fear in Bucky’s face that made Steve stay where he was, it had been directed at him, at him not letting him go- Bees buzzed anxiously in his gut and he rested his forehead to the wall.

The room was quiet, when he turned back the expressions on everyone were ones of shell shock. Pepper had wrapped an arm around Becca, with Tony hovering close by and Sam was doing his best to comfort a stricken Nat. Steve gawped at the lift, wanting desperately to follow but not sure how to help Bucky, he never wanted to see panic like that, let alone be the source of it.

“Wha-what’s happened to m-my brother...” Becca stammered  
No one answered....

She pushed away from the embrace with Pepper, stepping forward on shaking legs, her movements seemed to wake Nat from her paralysed state and she whipped around.

“Bring me back my brother.” Becca said to Steve, brown eyes red rimmed and desperate.

Steve found himself nodding and she slumped in relief. He had no idea how he was going to bring Bucky back, not without terrifying him, he wasn’t going to do it against his will, that was for sure, Bucky would have to choose it.

“He just got one hell of a shock...He needs to think about stuff, calm down. Then you’ll be able to speak to him, might be able to get through to him.”

Steve nodded along to Sam’s words, Bucky would need some time to digest what just happened-

“He’ll go back to the apartment.” Nat muttered, zipping her jacket back up, “you got a car?”

Steve nodded, fishing for his keys in his pocket.  
“He might be more willing to talk if it’s on his ground.” Sam added.

Nat grimaced, “he’s just gone from the frying pan into the fire, I wanna make sure Alex doesn’t screw him up anymore. You ready Steve?”

The blonde nodded, suddenly very eager to see Alexander Pierce again.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Steve thought he would be the one that needed calming down on the drive, but when he looked over to Nat her nails clung to the seat hard enough to puncture and her face was stone as she glared through the windscreen.

“What’s the plan?”

“I’m gunna punch Alex in the face.”  
Steve’s eyes went wide but he nodded in complete understanding, he also wanted his fists to get acquainted with Alexander Pierces teeth.

“Apart from that.”

She shrugged, there attempt at stark tower had been poorly performed, they were all stuck dumb by his appearance, haggard and hurt-

“Do you- do you think he picked one of those red requests?”

Her jaw flexed, shifting side to side, “I don’t know...he swore he’d never do them.”

“Back at the tower...he was terrified when I wouldn’t let him leave, he-he told me to stop, he didn’t want to do it anymore...”

Nat whipped towards Steve, glaring at the side of his face, “I’ll kill anyone that hurts him again.”

A chill ran down Steve’s spine, he believed this woman, believed she’d enjoy murdering someone that hurt her best friend.  
“He’s lucky to have a best friend like you.”

Her lips twitched into an unsure smile, “he’s lucky to have you too Steve, what he said back there...he didn’t mean it...I know how he feels about you, could see it in his face when I teased him...”

Steve let a small smile spread his lips but it didn’t feel genuine. He had let Bucky down yet again, was he always destined to fail him?  
Nat flicked her finger at a place to pull over, Steve did, unclicking his belt and climbing from the car. He stood on the pavement, staring up at the block of apartments.

“What floor?”

“First floor.”

The lights were on, slipping through the blinds. Steve walked towards the door, stopping at the keypad. Nat breezed past, typing the code and waiting.

It was declined, flashing red when she tried again. “bastard must’ve changed it.”

She spun around, spotting a man walking towards them.  
“You live here?”

The man nodded, but didn’t rush forward to help them into the building.

“Alexander told me to beware of the redhead.” He snarked.

Steve turned slowly, pissed by the mans attitude to Natasha and the situation, “what about me?”

“Cc-cap-Captain America?”

Steve nodded, patting his hand on the door, “and I don’t wanna have to smash your door in, but I will...”

The man bounded forward, tapping the keys for the building. The door unlocked with a loud click.  
Nat sprang the stairs, fist colliding with the door without skipping a beat. Her pounding was relentless, Steve stood by her side, ready to jump in and batter the door off its hinges.

It opened a crack and she shoved at it, knocking Alex on his back.  
“What the hell?”

“Where is James,” she roared, stalking into the apartment.

Alex followed her, “he’s not here,” he sniggered to himself, “why don’t you ask you friend where he is?”

Steve frowned, realising he meant Tony, “he hasn’t come back here?”

It was Alex’s turn to look confused, “he’s been booked over night-

“Yeah by Tony, I know...”

Alex lost his gloating expression, “then go check with him.”

“He’s not here.” Nat called, returning from one of the bedrooms.

Steve backed away to the door, eye’s having a battle with the smug one’s of Alex.

“Oh and Miss Romanov, your fired...”

She huffed, bowing her head in mock sadness before launching her fist at his face, Alex’s nose gushed with blood in an instant and Natasha nodded at what she done with a satisfied smirk.

“You kinda stole my moment, but I quit...” She smiled brightly, “and so does Bucky...”

They left Alex in the apartment, plodding back towards the car defeated, Nat flexed her hand, seemingly proud of the purple blob growing over her knuckles. Steve was slightly jealous he didn’t get to give Alex a good punch, but with the anger he was feeling it was highly likely he would’ve killed Pierce, concaved his face with a brutal hit.

They climbed back into the battered old car. Steve shoved the keys in the ignition, looking over to Nat for instructions. She bit her lip, trying again on her phone to get through to Bucky’s cell.  
The familiar voicemail echoed in the silence of the car.

“Where else would he go?”

Nat drummed her fingertips to her forehead-

“Is there a coffee shop, cafe? Bar he likes?”

She shook her head, “Steve, he hated leaving the apartment after the accident, only did when I made him go for a coffee but it wasn’t often-

Steve clenched his fists on the steering wheel, growling at himself for not trying harder with Bucky, for not asking the right questions, for not being the friend he needed.

“He-he might go to one of his clients.”

The buzzing bees intensified, Steve smacked a hand to his stomach to stop the fuzzing, “where-who?”

“It was always hotels...they didn’t trade names...apart from one.”

“Who?”

Nat scrunched her lips together before pushing the name “Brock Rumalow,” through them.

“You think he’d go to him?”

“Feeling this shit, with nothing and no one left-

Steve stopped her by gripping her arm, a man with a hoodie low over his face walked the pavement.  
His head was tilted down, bowing at the area as if he was unworthy to be walking it. Nat patted Steve’s hand and they both climbed from the car.

The figure had stopped at the keypad, the hoodies arm hung flattened one side, he used his only remaining hand to type the numbers-

“Bucky?”

Nat approached, but the figure didn’t respond, he paused in his movements but he wouldn’t turn to face them.

"Bucky please." she tried again.

“What do you want?”

“I want you to come with us now, I want you to see this job is bad for you, I want you to see Alex is cruel. None of this is good.”

“And your good for me?”

“Yes, cuz I care about you, I want you to be safe and happy.”

“I don’t wanna be happy or safe,” he spat, “I just wanted Becca to be...”

“Becca’s not right now-

“Who’s faults that.” He growled at the door.

Nat rocked back on her heels, stung by the words, “She’s upset because you left, she wants you to come back to the tower... asked me and Steve to come get you.”

Bucky’s head thumped to the door, “Steve’s here?”

“Yep, don’t get rid of me that easy-

“You never know when to quit, even when somethings...unwinnable.”

Steve took a step forward, “I don’t think your unwinnable-

“Cuz you’re an idiot.”

Steve huffed a laugh, “maybe, maybe not-

“I’m not worth this.”

“You are,” Nat called, “worth a hellova lot more than your clients, more than Alex.”

Bucky’s head tilted up to the sky and he let out a slow sigh.

“Look, we’re not going to stop you going in there, it’s your choice.”  
Steve ignored Nat’s glare of protest, taking a step forward.  
“It’s all gunna be alright Buck, if...if you come with me.”

His outstretched hand hung in the air, the sound of the street muffled till it was pin drop silence. Bucky swayed on his feet, turning slowly to Steve.

His expression was downcast, eyes struggling to crawl up Steve’s body, but when they finally reached the blondes face, Steve smiled.  
“Whatcha say?”

His hand no long clung to the keypad for support, his reach was hesitant, but when there finger met Steve gripped him, pulling him into his chest. Bucky ducked, placing the top of his head against Steve’s collar bone.  
Resting his head on top of Bucky’s Steve released a long sigh, wrapping his arms around but not too tightly, Bucky could still leave if he wanted to. Complete is what Steve felt in that moment, the hole in his chest had been filled by Bucky, the only piece that could possibly fit, he knew he had a long way to go to get through to him, but he'd chosen Steve, trusted him.

A few seconds of hugging and Steve noticed Bucky was leaning on him heavier, his face had drooped lower on his chest.

“Bucky?”

Nat moved closer, removing the hoodie from hiding his face, “’m just tired.” He mumbled.

She rubbed her hand over his back, but when she went to tuck his hair behind his ear he shrunk away, attempting to hide in Steve’s body.  
They shared a worried look, before Nat asked for Steve’s keys. Steve had to carry the exhausted Bucky back to the car, tugging him on to the backseat still connected to his chest.

Nat started the car, darting looks in the mirror, Bucky had managed to get his hood up again, head hanging low so he couldn’t be seen, he kept his arm around Steve’s body, as close as possible to the other man.

“Becca’s gunna hate me.” He mumbled miserably.

“No she’s not, she loves you Bucky...she’s just shocked-

“She looked at me the way everyone else does.”

Steve squeezed his arms to cocoon the brunette, “She’s worried, of course she’s gunna be a bit frightened when you’re covered in bruises and stitches.”

Bucky just hummed a denial and went quiet, Steve could feel the rise and fall of his chest, the slow thud against his fingertips when he felt for a pulse.

Steve mouthed ‘is he asleep’ in the mirror and Nat whipped round, analysing the brunette before nodding.

“Yeah, his eyes are shut.”

The drive back to stark tower was the two of them exchanging worried looks in the mirror and Steve clinging on to Bucky like a life line.  
Steve was reluctant to wake Bucky when they arrived, even Nat shot a sympathetic look behind. If it was possible for the other man to look peaceful, he certainly did draped in Steve’s arms with his face to his pulsing heart.

“Time to wake up,” he gave the brunette a shake, and he grumbled in reply, fingers crawling Steve’s t-shirt so he could secure himself there in his exhausted state.

Nat had gotten out of the car, holding the passenger door open.  
“Come on, we’re back at the tower now.” Nat tried.

Bucky stumbled from the car with the grace of a child, back hunched and head wobbling on his neck. Steve took his arm, hooking it over his shoulders to support him. He could feel the weakness in the other mans steps, the sluggishness and the uncoordinated feet.

“Where we going?” He asked the floor.  
Steve shuffled his hold, trying to get his head upright but it wouldn’t budge from its lolling, the brunette was very reluctant to put their faces at the same level, he was happier bowing with his hood concealing him.

“Tony’s floor, Becca’s still there.”  
There was an added sag to the brunettes shoulders at his sisters name.  
“What am I t’ tell her?”

“The truth.” Nat told him, pressing the button on the elevator.

The ride up was tense, only the replacing of Bucky’s swaying feet scuffed in the silence, the door dinged and Nat was out, gently knocking on the door to Tony’s floor.  
Tony answered, slumping in relief when he saw the growth attached to Steve.

“Nice work Cap...”

Steve bit his tongue not to question the ‘Cap’...he was Steve to Bucky, unrelated to the Captain America mantle, and Steve not the captain wanted to help him.

As soon as they were through the door, Becca rushed forward. She went to grip Bucky’s face, but he tugged it up sharply out of her reach. The action made her face crumple, an expression close to devastation, but she schooled it out.

“Where’d you go?”

Bucky licked at his lips, still mostly leaning on Steve to stand, “a walk.”

Steve helped him further in the room, settling him down on the chair in the middle. As soon as he sat Bucky placed his face in his hands, curling himself over.

“Can we talk about it?” Becca asked.

Bucky nodded in reply before crawling his eyes up to the strangers in the room. Tony and Pepper got the hint and left with bumbling excuses.  
Nat was fidgeting just as much as Steve, hoping they weren’t going to be dismissed to.

“Can they stay?” Becca asked.

Bucky dragged his gaze across the two before huffing out a, “yes.”

Steve relaxed, noting that Nat did the same. They stayed propped up against the wall, doing there best to be invisible.

“They showed me- that website...”

Bucky didn’t nod, just rubbed at his face till Steve was sure it was painful.

“Why-why would you do that-that...it’s it’s...” She didn’t finish but her shudder said more than her words could.

“I needed to...I lost my job stripping and ran outta money...Alex set it up...I didn’t know anything about it, then he showed me-

“And you said yes to letting people do that to you? Humiliate you? Hu-hurt you..”

Bucky let a bitter laugh rumble out, “what they tell me isn’t anything new, it’s easy-

Becca looked on the verge of slapping her brother out of his dazed expression or bursting into a fit of tears, in the end she pressed her forefingers into her temples.

“You’re not what they say, you’re not who they say you are...you’re my brother and I love you, always putting me first before your needs-

“Exactly, that’s why I did it. You will always come first. I’d supported you all that time, I just needed to do it one more year, but then-

“I wanted to go travelling...”  
She shook her head, walking away with her hand on her lips and guilt on her face.  
“So how does this work? You talk to these guys and see if you like ‘em, an arrange to meet?”

Bucky drew a long breath through his nose, “Alex arranged it...I just got in the car and it took me to whatever hotel he’d picked.”

Becca nodded, before pointing a shaking finger to his face, “one of them did this?”

It took Bucky longer to answer, he seemed to contemplate before saying, “yes,” with no emotion.

Steve stood to attention and so did Nat, both listening to the exchange. He knew Bucky had been lying about it being a mugging, but knowing someone had done that too him for their own sexual gratification made Steve’s blood boil. He rolled his shoulder, stiffening and releasing his jaw. There was a growl vibrating in the base of his throat, not loud enough for Bucky to hear but Nat did, gripping his arm to anchor his anger.

“They-they showed me those red..ones...was that one of them?”

“Yes.”

Nat squawked in her throat, catching Bucky’s attention.  
“I know I promised you, but- I...”  
He dropped his head back to the floor and shrugged.

Becca kneeled on the floor in front of the chair, “tell me what he did...”

Bucky shook his head, tilting his face away, “no Becca.”

“Yes Bucky, tell me what he did, tell me what I'm responsible for...” Her hands gripped on to the brunettes knees.

"Your not responsible-

Becca squeezed Bucky's knee to silence him, "but I am, your telling me you did this for me, this is my fault."

"No Becca-

"What did he do? and how much did he pay?"

“Why do you wanna know?”

“You say you did this for me, then I wanna know exactly what he did and for how much...”

Steve stole a glance at Nat, seeing her looking equally edgy-

“Tell me how much!”

“Ten thousand dollars.”

“To do what?”  
Bucky scrunched his face as if he’d tasted something unpleasant, Becca shook his knees demanding an answer.  
“He wanted to rape me.”

Becca recoiled back on her knees, Nat bristled and Steve was holding on to such a deep breath he was close to explosion.

“Happy now,” He seethed, “you see how far I was willing to go to make sure you had everything.”

“I didn’t want everything...I want-no I need my brother, I don’t need a holiday, or an education...I need my brother and you could’ve died...”

She was crying, valleys of tears ran from her eyes an she sniffled constantly.

“Please don’t cry, ‘m fine.”

Becca went to touch his face, but he pulled back sharply. “Not fine, we gotta call the cops-

“What? Why?”

“To get this bastard locked up.”

Bucky shook his head with another twisted laugh, “why? I agreed to it...”

“You agreed to having your head smacked about, your lip split open while he forced himself on you.”

The brunette just shrugged with a weary smile, “I said he could do what he wanted...”

Steve noticed his bouncing leg, the way his eyes darted around the room as if he was trapped and scared.

“Jesus Bucky-

He shifted in his seat, hand burrowing its way into his pocket and retrieving the slip of paper, “haven’t cashed it yet...” he offered it out for her to take.

“What? I don’t want it!” She yelled getting back to her feet, and backing away as if it was the most grotesque thing she'd ever seen, “you think I’d want it-

“It’ll pay for your last year-

“I don’t care, I don’t want it, I don’t want it!”

Bucky shot to his feet, gripping the back of the chair for balance, “you have to take it.”

“No-

“You have to!” he staggered, raising his hand to his chin and circling it, “make this worth it.”  
He was crying, fat drops of tears ran down his face, he scrunched his eyes shut, chest heaving.

“It wasn’t worth it...” Becca sobbed, “my brother, I only ever needed him.”

“well I’ve let you down, he’s gone, and he’s not coming back.”

Becca shook her head adamantly, “You’re wrong, he’s here, standing right in front of me, I’ll not lose my brother.”

Bucky stayed with his eyes shut, reaching back blind for the stability of the chair, his feet were swaying and his neck drooped towards the floor. 

Steve was there in a flash, catching the brunette in his arms before he could fall.

“What’s wrong with him?” Becca squeaked, moving towards the unconscious Bucky, Steve was clinging to.

“He’s exhausted.” Nat supplied, coming closer.  
Becca tipped his head back, brushing her thumbs along his cheeks and laying a kiss to his forehead.

“We need to get him to the doctor...” Steve grumbled, shifting Bucky in his grip and searching out the door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckys up nexttttttt...
> 
> <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky moves into the tower....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd, all mistakes painfully my own.  
> Hope I still got some readers.  
> Big love for Kudos and comments, they keep me writing.  
> <3

The day’s passed in a haze, Bucky was aware he’d been hooked up to an IV, the cannula itched his delicate skin. Food arrived three times a day and either Nat or Becca stayed with him till he’d finished his serving.

The whole situation felt detached, he was a ship adrift and just going along with the tide, hoping it would lead him to safety, or his destruction, he didn't mind either way as long as something happened.

Becca told him everyday how amazing he was, what a good brother, Bucky smiled, but only to make her happy, inside the words were agony, picking away at a festering wound. He wasn’t a good brother, he’d made her cry, had made her that frightened she was afraid to leave his side, only did so when Pepper made her. His mom and dad would be ashamed of him that was for sure. Whenever Becca mentioned them, Bucky was quick to announce he was tired, reminiscing about their childhood was mental torture, looking back and seeing how happy they were, all of them together. Becca with big joyous smiles, not the pitying one she wore most of the time she was sat by his bedside.

Nat tried a different approach, not talking about anything from the past, she wasn’t sickly optimistic either. She sat next to Bucky scrolling through jobs on her phone. He wasn’t the only one out of a job after all.

“Here’s one...teaching assistant...kindergarten.”

Bucky burst out laughing and Nat narrowed her eyes.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Kids Nat,...they annoy the hell out of you.”

Her plump lips bunched together as she hummed in agreement, “you’ve got a point...okay, cafe down the road, looking for a barista...”

Bucky failed at hiding his smirk, “you’re not exactly Miss customer service are ya...”

“I can be nice...” She said affronted, “right, I’m applying for it Mr smug...”

“Where’s Becca?”

Nat took up his hand in reassurance, “with Pepper, think they’ve gone out shopping, Pepper said something about Tony Starks credit card...”

“She-She alright?”

Nat sighed giving his fingers a squeeze, “she’s worried about you, wants you better...”

“What if I can’t get better?”

Nat shut him down with a look, “you will.”

Bucky felt the presence of someone else, the slight brush of air current that told him someone had entered the room. Steve hovered, visited several times a day, but Bucky never tried to speak to him, or draw him into the room. Most of the time he perched in the doorway, like a mother hen with its chick, watching out for it, waiting for it to do the next idiotic thing...

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Tony offered an apartment and Bucky quickly declined, telling him he’d prefer the gutter, that’s what he deserved.  
Nat had swatted him on the head with a rolled up paper.

“Thank you Tony, we’ll take it, pay you back when we’ve both got jobs...”

“There’s no rush, actually I was wondering-

“Not now,” Came a growl from the corner, Bucky hadn’t even realised Steve was in the room, he spent so long analysing the floor that he forgot stuff happened beyond it.

“Okay, okay, another time...”  
Tony skirted away from the bed, humming to himself as he passed through the door. Steve went back to being the silent lurking man so Bucky carried on as if he wasn’t there.

“Why’d you say yes?”

“Cuz we need some place to stay...I can’t afford the rent at my place without the job-

“I’m sorry.”

Nat nudged his arm, “what did I tell ya, don’t you dare apologise, I wasn’t gunna stay working for him was I.”

“It paid well,” before Nat could protest that not everything was about money, Bucky added, “’nd you loved it.”

“I loved it when I was with you, when we danced together...we can still do that without the audience.”

Bucky snorted, counting the tiles on the floor for the millionth time, he couldn’t dance, he couldn’t even stand without shrinking in on himself.

“I’m gunna hold you to it Bucky Barnes, when you’re feeling...more like yourself. You owe me a dance.”  
She squeezed Bucky’s hand to emphasise the point, he was about to huff fine but spotted Nat’s knuckles, it was the first time he’d drawn his eyes towards her, normally staring holes in the floor or the sheet on the bed.

“How’d you do that?”

“Oh,” she pulled her hand back admiring her bruises, “punched Alex in the face.”

“Naaat-

“He deserved a lot worse.” A grumbled voice said, he didn’t turn towards Steve but could hear the rage that leaked into the words.

“Alex...he..”

Nat wagged her eyebrows, “we’re gunna have problems if you’re about to defend him.”

“I needed a job, and he got me one...”

“He also treated you like garbage and used you.”

Bucky went to open his mouth to say that he deserved it, he was everything Alex said, but he was silenced by one glare from the red head.

“Bucky, if I lost my arm and couldn’t dance anymore, would you think I was dirty-disgusting-

“Of course Not!”

Nat pointed with an expression that said ‘exactly’.  
“Would you of been fine with me meeting clients and letting them say horrible shit to me...and the rest.”

Bucky daren’t speak, to worried he’d do something as embarrassing as outright sobbing, he shook his head, even imagining Nat in that situation had his stomach churning and eyes watering.

“So you see why I hate Alex...he pushed you down this path for his own gain.”

“But-but...” he lowered his voice so Steve wouldn’t hear, “I’m a mess Nat-

“No, you need to get better...your lip will heal up, the purple under your eyes will fade, gunna get some food in you and your strength up. Then we’re going to get your confidence back, I know it’s there...I can see it in your eyes, it’s like a fire that can’t be distinguished, Alex couldn’t stub it out completely, neither could that guy that did that to ya...gotta keep going, Becca needs you, and-and so do I.”

“Fire in my eyes hey?”

Nat nodded with a pout, “yeah, Becca’s the newspaper to get you started, and I’m the kindling...and Steve- Steve’s the fuel to keep you burning.”

“Jesus Nat, you just called my sister newspaper.”

There was a rumbling laugh from the doorway, “I’m happy being called fuel.”

Bucky smirked at the cheer in Steve’s tone. Nat was blushing down at herself.

“Sorry, Sam had me watching some documentary about steam trains.”

Bucky was grinning, frowning at the same time, but the grinning was more important.  
“Steam trains?”

“Yeah, kept saying the coal glowed like my hair, I’m as hot as a steam train, apparently.”

“That guy sure knows how to complement a gal...”

Steve laughed and a warmth expanded in Bucky’s chest, the vibrations travelled to his heart and made it thump quicker. That wasn’t good, stupid body reacting subconsciously to Steve.

“I’m pretty tired, mind if I sleep.”

Nat nodded, getting the hint and jumping to her feet, “buzz for me if you need anything.”

She moved round the bed, her heels slapped on the floor fading in the distance. Bucky could still feel Steve in the room, standing near the doorway.

He closed his lids lightly, making sure they didn’t twitch and give him away and waited for the blonde to leave. Steve’s steps were soft for such a big guy. He crept round the bed, Bucky could feel the blondes gaze on him, but forced his face to stay stoic.  
Steve reached, he could see the shadow of his fingers on the reds of his eyes. Every other time someone had come close to his face, whether that was Nat going to squish his cheeks or Becca kissing the top of his head he always recoiled sharply, but Steve’s fingers tucking his hair behind his ear felt so bloody nice, so soft and caring that Bucky melted and let out a sigh.

Steve chuckled, perching at the end of the bed, “I know you’re faking it.”

“You have no idea what I sound like when I fake it.”  
Bucky smiled, hoping Steve found what he said funny too, for some reason he could talk to Steve with his eyes shut, imagine it was the old confident version of himself teasing Steve.

“I miss your eyes.”

Bucky paused, jaw unhinging before he recovered and smirked, “still got my eyes you jerk, missing an arm, but the eyes are still there.”

“I miss them looking at me...into mine.”

Bucky swallowed awkwardly, there was no point denying he had a problem with eye contact, he was having a conversation while pretending to be asleep for god sake...  
“You are a sappy git ain’t ya.”

“Maybe, maybe not...get some sleep Buck, some proper sleep.”

“S’what I’m doing.”

Steve chuckled again, rising to his feet. He squeezed Bucky’s hand and the shadow of Steve moved from Bucky’s limited vision. A tightness coiled in his chest and he knew Steve had left the room, not by sight, or the sound of the door but the hole that expanding in his chest.

-__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Bucky, Nat and Becca moved into an apartment in the tower, Bucky had a room the size of his and Pierces whole apartment. The en-suite was huge, a shower big enough for two or a whole football team to fit comfortably.

Washing his skin was the closet thing to real pleasure he had experienced in months. His skin tingled in the warmth, his scalp was massaged by streams of hot water. He washed his hair one handed, using the shampoo Nat had given him. The whole shower ended up smelling like her, artificial flowers and sweetness. A million times better than his stale body odour and the scent of greasy hair.

He ran his hand over his body, noting the notches of his ribs, more pronounced that they had been. He kept his muscle, but that against bone with no cushion of healthy flesh was unnerving. The word disgusting rattled in his head and he did his best to push it away, but once that word was in his thoughts it was hard to get out.

He swiped his hand over the stump of his left arm, feeling the ugly scar tissue, he did the same to his face, running his finger tip down the etches in his head and on his cheek and the added chunk missing from his lip.  
Monster, he looked like a monster. Without being aware of it his frame started to hunch, bowing in the water. He slipped down the wall, curling in a ball and hugging his knees to his chest.

Nat found him an hour later, his skin had shrivelled to that of a raisin adding to his already distressed state. His only saving grace was it hadn’t been Becca that walked in on him, he didn’t want to crush her any more than he had, and seeing her brother, her only remaining family member having a break down might’ve dunked her into depression she couldn’t escape from.

“Go lay down, I’ll get you some food.”

He crawled into the bed, the smell of clean bedsheets invaded his nose, far too nice for an animal like him. He shoved his face into the pillow, letting the creasing material muffle Nat’s words, he knew she was being nice, saying kind things to him but all it did was make him want to scream till his lungs fell out.

 

He woke knowing Steve was in the room, not in the doorway, but right next to him.

“I know you’re awake Buck...”

Bucky sighed, “how can you possibly know...I was barely sure I was awake.”

Steve laughed, “hard to miss when you squeeze my hand like that...”

Bucky didn’t know he was clutching at Steve, hadn’t been aware they’d joined hands while he was sleeping. He blinked in the light, tilting his face so there was no chance he’d accidently meet Steve’s, their fingers were joined, Steve’s thumb stroked his skin, tickling the small hairs.  
“Deja vu...”He breathed.

The stroking stopped and Steve leaned in, “what?”

“We’re been like this before.”

Steve’s fingers squeezed his lightly, “so we have.”

“Starting to think you like holding my hand...”

“What if I do?”

Bucky didn’t answer but when Steve tried to withdraw his hand he clamped down keeping it in place.

“Think you like it too...”

Bucky snorted, attention glued to where their bodies met, Steve was soft, his skin was porcelain and smooth, Bucky’s was rougher, his skin darker, whether that was from dirt and grime he wasn’t sure. Trust Steve to have perfect fucking hands.  
“So...this is where you live?”

Steve ducked his head, trying to catch Bucky’s eye, “well, not this floor, the one below but yeah...”

“It’s nice...but then again I’ve only seen the bedroom and the bathroom.”

“Plenty of time for you to explore.”

Bucky wagged his eyebrows, Tony would have enough of him soon enough, so would Steve, they’d dump him from the tower-

“You don’t like looking at my ugly mug?”

Bucky frowned, flexing his fingers around Steve’s, “have you never seen yourself in a mirror? You ain’t ugly pal.”

“So why won’t you look at me?”

He huffed a breath down his body, not sure how to explain his messed up head to Steve.  
“If I look at you...I’ll see you looking at me, and I don’t wanna see my fucked up face in your perfect eyes...”

A noise escaped Steve’s throat and he coughed it back, “Bucky-

“Tell ya what, you stop staring at me and I’ll look at ya?”

A breath of amusement breezed from Steve, “okay...I’ll stare at your feet.”

Bucky took a deep breath, stealing a glance at Steve to make sure he was sticking to his end of the bargain, he was, an unsure smile spread his lips but his eyes were trained to the end of the bed.

Rolling his shoulders, Bucky straightened from his stoop, finally seeing Steve in all his glory. Since he’d gotten back to the tower he had peeked looks at him, quick to duck away if Steve tried to connect, but now he could openly look.

His blonde hair was kept short, exactly the same length since the last time they’d seen each other on the cliff, his skin was clear, healthy and glowing, from everyone’s worried expressions when they looked his way, his didn’t look like that.

His irises were blue, when he looked extra close he could see specks of green shimmering, his blonde eyelashes fanned out, brushing gently together when he blinked. Then there were his muscles, straining against his tshirt, hard and defined, his bicep was defined without him even straining, and Bucky tracked the vein traveling done it with a dry mouth. Steve was beautiful, even at the height of his stripping career he couldn’t compete with someone as extraordinarily beautiful as Steve.

“Erm Buck...your kinda killing my hand...”

Bucky released his hold immediately, noting his own hand had gone completely white from pressure, “sorry, there I looked at ya.”  
Bucky ducked his head back down just as Steve turned. He hated being looked at, imagining what Steve thought of him, he didn’t believe Steve looked at him with disgust, but pity, by the bucket load, Bucky didn’t want pity or guilt...

“So maybe- I thought you’d wanna come outta your apartment tomorrow-

Bucky was shaking his head before Steve could finish, “I can’t go outside, I can’t Steve-

“Not outside...I could show you the training dome.”

“You wanna show me your video game?”

Steve nipped Bucky’s arm and he squawked, “training exercise.”

“Don’t think I’d be much of an ally, make a good villain though, got the fucked up face and everything-

“Buuuck,” His name was said with warning and he immediately shut up, “I’ll just show you it, without anything on it, big white dome...”

“Sounds...bright?”  
Bucky didn’t have a clue what to say about it, he thought back to Steve’s earlier visit and wondered whether he was intending blinding him, giving Bucky an actual reason not to look him in the eyes.

“It’s a big blank canvas.”

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut, filling himself with his old confidence, if only for Steve’s sake, “sounds like an interesting first date, Grampo-pops."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steves next............  
> Looooove Bucky! <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve takes Bucky down the dome...that sounds dirty...but it's not...not yet...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd.  
> Small chap to keep it going.  
> <3 thanks for kudos

Bucky was late, Steve wanted to bound up the stairs to knock on him but he kept himself fixed in place. They had agreed to meeting outside the elevator, a quick flash at his watch showed him the brunette was twenty minutes late.

Steve sighed, maybe he’d pushed Bucky too soon, he’d been at the tower just over a week, perhaps he needed more time, Nat had said he struggled with leaving his apartment.

Steve stepped into the lift twirling around to press the button to the basement. A figure caught his eye, and he slammed his arm through the gap before the doors could shut.

Bucky creeped up, head tilted down and eyes skittish, he stepped through the open doors, shuffling as far away from Steve as he could get in the tiny space. His hoodie was baggy and all-consuming but at least he hadn’t hiked the hood up so Steve couldn’t see his face.  
Steve opened his mouth to say hi, but snapped it shut, that was awkward, he didn’t want Bucky to feel anymore awkward than he already did.

“There was me thinking you’d stood me up.” Steve teased.

Bucky shifted, still not bringing his gaze off the ground, “traffic was horrendous.”

Steve laughed, Bucky relaxed a fraction, loosening his grip on the elevator rail.  
“So where we going?”

“The domes in the basement.”

Steve watched as Bucky bunched his lips and nodded. They descended in silence, Steve swallowed awkwardly, willing his brain to come out with something comforting to say but not over the top. In the end he stayed quiet and the only noise came from the churning of the elevator.

It dinged out its arrival, Steve walked out first, leading Bucky through a door.  
The room was filled with weaponry, guns, knives, bows and arrows. Tony had several floors dedicated to his tech so his was absent, there was a special cabinet for thors hammer but it stood empty he was off on some intergalactic mission with it.

Up high on the wall was Steve’s shield, Tony had even positioned a spot light on it to make it glow.  
“Wow...tis very patriotic.”

Steve went to reach for it before remembering he wasn’t training, he was showing Bucky the blank room.  
“Come on, through here...”

Bucky trailed behind silently, Steve had to glance a look over his shoulder to be sure he was following.  
Steve squinted when he stepped in the room, he heard the curse from Bucky and was sure his eyes were probably on fire too.

"Here put this on..."

Steve handed the head set over and Bucky was quick to withdraw, backing up a few steps.

"And I thought I couldn't look any worse." Bucky mumbled.

Steve watched as he struggled to get the headset on one handed, he wanted to help, but knew his interference would have a negative impact.

“Well it’s certainly big and white...” Bucky finally said.

“A blank canvas.” Steve replied, twirling round to face the brunette, as soon as he did Bucky ducked down, positioned himself away from Steve.  
Steve wasn’t going to lie, Bucky’s reluctance to even look at him stung, his presence seemed to make the brunette feel worse and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

“Look Buck, if-if you’d prefer I keep my distance I will.”

It was the first time the other man had looked up and horror stuck to his face, “fuck..” he glanced away again, searching for the door, “there was me thinking it would take a few weeks for you to have enough of me, want rid-

“That’s not what I meant-

“Can safely say this was wanna the worst dates I’ve been on...”

Steve caught his hand before he could leave, “I don’t wanna make you feel uncomfortable.”

“I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, nothing you can do to help that....” Bucky shrugged, “Steve...just, show me this dome thingy.”

“Okay, where would you like to go?”

Bucky’s face scrunched at Steve’s question.  
“Movie, dinner, thas most peoples idea of a first date..right?...”

Steve could feel his glowing cheeks, stupid reaction, he was sure Bucky wasn’t even looking at him yet they flamed, “not familiar with too many dates...Buck...”

“Never would’ve guessed with you taking me to a blank room an’ all...”

Steve laughed, tracking the blinding white, thinking of a good starting place to blow Bucky’s mind.  
“Jarvis...Maldives...”

The white morphed into a beach, endless blue stretched in front of them, there feet sunk into grains of warm sand, and the breeze was sweet and warm on their skin.

“What the fuck!”

Steve smiled at Bucky’s wide eyes, they weren’t facing his way but looking out, Steve could finally see the pale blue irises, framed by dark lashes. His expression of utter gobsmack.

“Jarvis the Rockies-

The beach pixelated out, white morphing into a huge mountain range, tall pine trees. The ground there feet was on became uneven and Bucky swayed, the temperature dropped slightly, but not uncomfortably so.

“Jesus, how can it even do that...”

“The rooms kinda flexible, Tony’s put moulds into the software and the gradient changes...also the headsets stimulate our brains to make it feel real.”

“It’s....amazing.”

Steve hummed in agreement, Tony was gifted that was for sure, “so where do ya wanna go?”

“Dunno...where would you go?”

Steve straightened, shifting awkwardly on the spot, “I’d go to the past...that’s where I go when I’m low.”

“The past? Can I see.”

“Jarvis...1942...”

The space grew darker, the mountains flattened, mud sludge around them and when Bucky started to slip at the sudden change, Steve gripped hold of his hip, keeping him up.

“This is your happy place?”

Piles of mud, dips in the ground and overpowering smell of earth and dirt, it was a far cry from most peoples ‘happy places’.  
“It’s what comes with it.” Steve said, turning Bucky to face the other way.

His men, the howling commandos. Tony had done a good job recreating them, Steve’s memory, and the museum had served him well. Given him a little bit of home and that was nice, no matter how haunting.

“Can they move or talk?”

Steve shook his head, “there only holograms, so they do what there programmed...Tony’s made a programme of them sitting and eating their rations, moaning about how awful they taste and longing to be home...He thought it’d make me feel less lonely but kinda made it worse, I have few memory’s of them and I don’t wanna be tricked into believing I have more.”

Steve went round the men, weirdly introducing them to Bucky. The brunette didn’t seem fazed my meeting Steve’s ghostly friends.

“How often do you come down here?”

Steve shifted, “too often. I guess I kinda feel guilty.”

“Why?”

“For crashing into the ice and leaving them to the rest of the war...they all made it out..but they might not’ve.”

Bucky prodded Steve’s temple, “see, hero complex...they had lives, got home and whatever, but you were frozen in the ice and missed out on that...don’t feel guilty Steve, they wouldn’t want ya too. They would want you to have a happy life, whatever century you ended up.”

Steve knew that, they’d feel bad themselves for not launching into action and searching for him.

“Sooo I know where I wanna go.”

Steve blinked himself back to awareness, “yeah?”

“Mountain range, snowy one...I know you won’t have the exact one of that day, but-

Steve shushed him with a wave of his hand, “Jarvis, run the fall simulation.”

The temperature dropped, their feet sunk into fresh snow. The sun was bright, sky clear. How could something so terrible happen on such a beautiful day? Bucky shivered, Steve hoped it wasn’t fear, a memory surfacing of when he fell, but Bucky hugged his arm around his body, trying to conserve his heat. Steve took a step towards him to offer his own warmth but thought better of it and retreated.

“This-this is the exact one...” Bucky mumbled.

Steve nodded, unnerved by Bucky’s eyes now on him, all that longing to be looked at and suddenly he was the one to shrink away.

“Why would you want this-

Bucky's words stopped when he spun around, seeing himself further down the path. The black shades were reflecting the sun, his smile was smug and confident, he stood with swagger, staring at the path in front, more specifically Steve.

Bucky took a step forward but Steve gripped onto his waist, “wait-“

The cliff rumbled, the ground beneath the hologram cracked and broke, even with the real Bucky secured in his hands Steve felt his stomach drop to his heels, his heart beat thundered and his breath came in pants. The fake Bucky disappeared over the ledge, hidden from view by piles of white.  
The mountain was deathly silent again, mound of snow and rock gathered at the bottom.

“Why-wh would you want to see that?”

Bucky turned, their roles suddenly reversed with Steve unable to face the brunette and Bucky trying to coax him up.

“Jesus Steve...you’ve been torturing yourself with this, why?”

“I let you down.”

“You couldn’t of done anything, the cliff fell, it wasn’t your fault.”

Steve laughed with no humour, “If I hadn’t of shouted.”

Bucky prodded him in the chest, “we’ve talked about this before, it was my fault for being an ass.”  
Steve went to speak back but stopped when he realised Bucky was actually facing his, not ducking away. He lifted his gaze, staring deep into the cool pools.

He was sure the brunette was seeing directly into his soul. They were level, perhaps Steve was a mere inch taller, finally Steve could see him, he may’ve been scared, may’ve still had the withdrawn expression and the pink slit in his lip, it didn’t matter, he was stunning. Steve’s panicked heart continued its fast rate, not because of fear, but something else. Something stirring like need and desire. Steve swallowed loudly taken aback my the sudden rush of feelings, he had to look away, distance himself out of fear of doing something stupid.

Bucky’s face flashed with hurt before he backed off, body curling over again out of Steve’s sight.  
"Can-can I see the hologram...”

Against his better judgement Steve asked Jarvis to materialise it.  
The shaded version appeared beside them, Bucky gasped, pulling away from Steve and walking around the other version of himself. Clean shaven, short styled hair, a confident smile, all things the actual Bucky no longer had. He circled himself with an unreadable expression before stopping next to Steve again.

“You coulda told me...”

Steve frowned, “told you what?”

“Those shades were far to big for my face.”

Steve grinned, it didn’t feel right to smile, especially when he didn’t know whether the one Bucky wore was genuine.

“So erm...I think...can I go back to my room now?”

“You don’t have to ask Buck.”

The mountain path vanished, back to the white room with the one door, Bucky trudged towards it, pushing through with an audible sigh, Steve wondered whether their trip to the dome had done more damage than good...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully a longer chap next time, I'm pushing for them to get together ;P


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky stays at the tower, Tony offers him an arm....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd all mistakes painfully mine.  
> Thanks for the kudos :) really does brighten my day

Bucky wasn’t sulking, he was feeling sorry for himself, there was a massive difference. It had been nice in the dome, with Steve trusting him with his past, introducing him to his soldiers but then the situation had turned.

Steve was torturing himself with what happened on the mountain, after swearing over the phone their friendship wasn’t due to guilt, it was a shock to see for himself the lie. He was in the tower purely because of Steve’s feelings of messed up responsibility.

The hologram of himself had been gutting, to see what he was in comparison to now. What he hadn’t expected was anger at his former self, a sense of jealousy. He remembered on the cliff, pressing his body to Steve, the way the blonde had shivered watching his lips. The conflict in his pupil, trying not to dilate at the sight of him.

But back in the dome Steve had looked at him, deep into him and recoiled at what he saw, denied Bucky the connection.  
So he was avoiding him, staying in his room and conveniently being in the shower every time he knocked at the door.

What he wasn’t expecting was to walk in to the living space one morning and have him sat with Nat and his sister.

“Pancakes,” Becca announced, “Steve made us pancakes.”

The one time he really had been in the shower Steve must’ve come round, if he’d of known he would’ve stayed in his room.  
Bucky scratched at the back of his neck, “not hungry...”

Becca’s face fell and that was enough of a kick in the head to make him walk further into the room, dropping down into a seat at the table, “maybe one...”

She bounced off happily, plating a breakfast for Bucky. That left him glaring at the table top and Nat and Steve watching him.

“So...Steve showed us the dome...” Nat said.

Bucky hummed as if he gave a shit, “yeah.”

“Me and Nat both worked on our tans, can’t ya tell.” Becca chirped.

It was hard to tell anything when he never pulled his eyes up from stomach height.

“Then Steve showed us the control rooms, and all the tech, and the vehicles...Steve had such a nice bike, you’d love it, maybe you could-

She trailed off, probably remembering the lack of arm, he didn’t wanna be unbalanced on the bike. Bucky jumped at the sound of a plate dropping down.  
“’m sorry Bucky.”

He smiled wearily, “nothing to be sorry for.”  
Silence stretched and retreating to the bedroom hovered at the front of his mind-

“You like bikes?” Steve asked, trying to catch Buckys gaze, he would have to crouch down pretty damn low to get any contact.

Bucky didn’t answer...maybe once he had, but what was the point in dwelling on the past, he couldn’t do that, couldn’t dance, couldn’t provide for his sister, couldn’t satisfy his ex boyfriend.

“Buck...”

He blinked rapidly rolling his shoulders to wake himself from the depressive daze, “yeah bikes...loved them-

“You crashed every one you owned.” Becca added with a smile.

“Minor detail.” He muttered.

“You remember when you smashed up dads, literally thought he was gunna throw you through the window when you told him.”

It was probably only cuz of his mom his dad hadn’t, a few scrapes on her sons face and she went into motherly worried mode, rushing around the house calling for a band aid. God, what would she do if she could see him now, face slashed up and missing an arm, good job she was dead, she would’ve had a cardiac arrest at the sight of him.

The door opened swinging wide on its hinges.  
“Knock Knock.” Came the overly enthusiastic voice.

Tony walked towards the table with a smug expression.

“Will be down in a minute Tony.” Steve said with a ticked off smile.

The other man rocked back on his heels, “actually I’m wanting to talk to him.”  
Without raising his eyes he knew Tony was referring to him, this was it, Tony was kicking them out of the tower.

“Not now.” Steve hissed.

Bucky stood up suddenly and everyone quietened, “sure....”

Even if it was bad news it saved him for reminiscing about mom and dad, saved him from Steve’s concerned puppy look.  
Bucky followed Tony out, thinking of a way of bargaining for more time, at least allowing Nat and Becca to stay in the apartment.

“So I was thinking...about your arm.”

Bucky frowned, plodding into the elevator after the strutting man, “what about it?”

“I want to give you a new one...”

The doors closed and they were moving down, not as far as the basement but it was still a time consuming descent in silence.  
The door opened and Bucky went wide-eyed at the tech, computers everywhere, random chucks of machinery with wires in a rainbow of colours. 

“Prototype...”Tony said walking over to a messy desk.

Laying on top was a metal arm, propped up on pins. Wires connected to it and when Tony taped a nearby computer the fingers flexed, curled into a fist before releasing.

“It’s new, will have a few hiccups to fix...but if you’re willing this can be yours.”

“A metal arm.” Bucky said, frowning at the contraption.

Tony was clearly expecting more of an enthusiastic reaction, “look, be my guinea pig...it’ll move just like a real arm, function like one.”

“Look like a metal one...”

“Yeah well, but at least people would focus on that hey.”

Bucky couldn’t argue with that, people would ignore his face and be terrified by the robo-cop arm instead. Tony was waiting, coaxing a response with flicking head movements. Was it so bad being this mans experiment, he’d given them a place to stay.

“Yes...if you promise not to throw me, Nat and Becca out.”

Tony rocked back on his heels, shaking his head like Bucky had said something stupid, “of course, place is yours as long as you need it.”  
Being a guinea-pig he was still providing some sense of stability for Nat and Becca.

“Okay..what do I need to do?”

Tony smiled brightly, clapping a hand down on Bucky’s shoulder, “first things first, gotta put some meat on ya, got to tone that muscle back up...”

He was skipping his way back to the elevator and Bucky followed like a loyal dog with its master, he guessed Tony kinda was.  
The elevator zoomed back up, no silence lingered this time, Tony whistle a joyful song to himself in the mirror. They stopped the floor above his apartment, the other man fumbled in his pocket for something, mumbling to himself.

“Ha, here it is...”  
He flashed the key card, slotting it into the steel door.

A gym, with high tech equipment all sparkling new. Running machine, weights, benches, some of the machines were useless with one arm but Bucky could still work out with the rest.

“Gym, should be able to get yourself up to fitness here.”

Bucky swallowed, a gym in the avengers tower, that they probably all used, there was no way he was going to be able to do that with the flaming avengers watching.

Tony seemed to read the brunettes hesitation, “no one uses this...Steve and Sam train a few floors down. This is Clint’s...but he’s kinda semi retired so it’s going free.”

Bucky breathed a sigh of relief, he would be able to work-out alone, not with a freaked out audience.  
“In that case...I’m in.”

Tony clapped his shoulder again, handing over the key card with a small laugh, “think we’ll get on fine Barnes.”

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The time spent in the gym was an added distraction, he avoided Steve, spending most of his time up there on his own. He could stare out at the city below without anyone giving him grossed out looks. He jogged till his heart pounded in his ears and sweat dampened his t-shirt. He worked the muscles in his legs till they burned with raw fire, till his bicep ached and his fingers cramped...it made pressing the buttons in the elevator interesting...

Nat had got herself a waitressing job down the road and bought home stomach soothing coffee, not the crap they use to drink. Becca had been searching for a job near her university, excited at the thought of getting in debt and having to scrape to afford everything. 

After two weeks of daily visits to the gym, powering through his burning muscles, he prodded his pecs, feeling the solid flesh, his abdominals were more pronounced and the muscles in his legs shifted when he moved side to side. There was improvement, not enough to pout in front of the mirror, but he could feel it under his fingertips. The tightening skin and the toned body, no longer necessary for his day job, he just hoped Tony would be satisfied with his effort and not withdraw the home from over their head.

He avoided contact with Steve, learning his daily routine so they never bumped into each other. For a week the avengers were out on a mission and the anxiety at having Steve far away crept up on him, completely unexpected. When Becca bounded into the apartment and announced they were back and all okay, he had nodded, mildly interested on the surface. On the inside he’d dropped to his knees thanking the earth the blonde was unharmed.

He knew the times Steve trained, whether in the dome or the other gym, it was a small opening for Bucky to go eat in his apartment with Becca and Nat. He didn’t want to see Steve back up from him like that again, Steve was worried cuz he looked like a train crash.

Bucky had a crush on him, it was only going to end badly, with Bucky being rejected...he even imagined in his head how it would go. The whole ‘it’s not you it’s me’ kinda thing, Steve would probably do it with a soft voice, hand gripping his knee. He’d stare deep into his eyes and say he was sorry, not interested, he was flattered by Bucky’s feelings but they were misplaced. Bucky shuddered, Steve would say one thing but inside he’d be thinking it was a lucky escape, he was Captain America, he wouldn’t settle for some stray dog like Bucky.

Becca watched him like a hawk when he got back from his work out. They locked eyes but his stomach grumbled loud and broke the tense exchange.  
“So why you avoiding Steve...”

Bucky was stuffing crackers in his mouth when he answered, “’m not.”

“You are...he likes ya.”

He sighed, trying hard not to accidently spit out crumbs, “no, he feels sorry for me, like I’m some responsibility of his...”

Nat and Becca exchanged looks, rolling their eyes at Bucky’s piss-poor reasoning.  
“Don’t avoid him, he’s been good to us.”

Bucky wiped the back of his hand across his mouth, “’m not avoiding him, I know he’s a good guy.”

He didn’t add too good, he didn’t want the acid glare from Nat.

“I’m glad you say that, cuz he’s coming over in a bit...”

“What?”

“Yep, me and Nat are going out.”

Bucky stamped his foot in annoyance, “’nd what? you think I’m a pet that can’t be left alone.”

“No, but I’m fed up of seeing Steve looking down every time we say you’re in the gym or in the shower...like seriously how many ‘showers’ can you have in one day.”

Before he could argue back at his sister, a knock rattled the door.  
“Ready Nat?” Becca called.

Nat nodded, jumping up from the chair and linking arms with Becca. Bucky was caught between wanting to run and hide and finding a bag to cover his face, he could smell the sweat on himself, the grossness but with Becca and Nat heading towards the door there was no time to change.

“Wait.” He hissed, but it was too late the door opened to the shy looking blonde.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steves up next, should be up before christmas :) x


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A T.V night with Steve and Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone had a great new years :)  
> Trying to get back into the swing of writing.  
> Short chap but hope ya'll enjoy.  
> Unbeta'd, all mistakes painfully mine.  
> Happy smiles for kudos and comments <3

The door opened and in the flurry of red and brown hair bounding past Steve didn’t immediately see Bucky.

“Don’t wait up guys.” Nat called, dissolving into giggles with Becca.

What the hell Steve mouthed, turning his attention back towards the open door.

Steve swallowed hard when he saw the brunette. He’d obviously just got back from a work out, his t-shirt clung to his body, damp in the centre from sweat. His warm skin glistened, and his hair was raked back, staying in place from perspiration. With the hair not hanging onto his face Steve could see his jaw, sharp and angled, his blues eyes blared against his skin, not hidden by any wayward strands. His chest still heaved slightly from whatever exercise he’d been doing the floor above and his cheeks were apple blushing. He looked gorgeous, adorable, fuckable, all three rolled into one.

The longer he stared the more Bucky shifted, the lower his eyes fell to the floor and the more creases appeared at the top of his nose.  
“You eaten?” He blurted.

Bucky flicked his head towards the counter where a packet of crackers was open, crumbs were everywhere. There was even some on Bucky’s chest which he suddenly noticed reddening more before wiping them away.

“”Well, I bought Pizza...” Steve said, flicking the lid on the box so Bucky could see.

“There was me thinking Captain America would never eat junk food...”

Steve shrugged, flicking the lid back in place and taking a step into the apartment, “Captain America only eats the healthiest, but me...Steve...I like to indulge in this stuff now and again...”

Bucky turned away marching towards the couch and Steve took it as an invitation to come in and shut the door.

They ended up munching pizza on the couch, a space between them but Steve was okay with that, he hadn’t seen Bucky for two weeks so just being in the same room as him made him feel lighter. His body gnawed with a protective energy, even with Sam reminding him every day Bucky was fine, he was healing, it still itched Steve’s skin, made him pace in the night and stare longingly at the elevator to his floor. He wanted to talk about everything, but could see how much Bucky was tensing up, as if anticipating a barrage of awkward questions. Steve didn’t want every interaction they had to be strained, he needed Bucky to trust him, speak to him with joy in his voice like he had on the phone, or express what was troubling him without any coaxing.

“So what we watching?” Steve asked.

Bucky paused mid chew, “Whatever you want- just...just not any boring documentary’s.”

Steve laughed remembering Nat’s comments about the steam train programme with Sam, thinking that was what Bucky was referring too. The brunette didn’t smile, his eyes were cast low and his face was stone.

“Erm...okay, how about some walking dead?”

Bucky nodded along, Steve put it on settling down on the couch beside Bucky, maybe an inch closer than he was before...  
Steve grinned to himself when he noticed Bucky was no longer straight like a pole, he had relaxed back into the couch in a slouch.

Three episodes in the sun had set, the apartment was dark, only light flashing from the TV, projecting shadows all over the walls.

“’m just gunna put the light on...”

He went to stand but a clutching hand on his knee stopped him, “no, leave it off.”

He smiled wearily, not that Bucky could see, then agreed, sinking back down into the cushion, If Bucky was more comfortable in the dark then they were gunna sit in the dark together.  
He tentatively took up Bucky’s hand, lacing his fingers through the gaps.  
“This okay?”

The shadow of Bucky appeared to nod, before he muttered out, “yeah, it’s..good.”

Sat side by side in the dark they watched another episode, Steve felt Bucky turn towards him, could tell by the reflection of the TV in Bucky’s eyes, he was staring at his face.

Steve turned too, and the odd connection between them buzzed. It was harder to see the brunettes face, the only detail that stood out were his intense eyes. They had the ability to draw Steve in, he didn’t ever want to face away from them, he could happily fall into them, have the world melt away to nothing, but that clear blue.

“Ever fought any Zombies?”

He blinked, yanking himself from his admiring daze, “erm...not zombies exactly.”

“What then?”

“These odd space creatures, tentacles and two sets of jaws, they were pretty bitey.”

Bucky’s eyes narrowed at the edges, was he frowning? Steve didn’t know for sure.

“Kinda like in alien?”

“I guess they were aliens-

Bucky laughed, shaking his head, “no...from alien..the monster in the film.”

Steve’s mouth flapped a few times, “what’s-what’s alien?”

Bucky’s finger squeezed his as he breathed another laugh, “it’s like a horror sci-fi classic, there’s this iconic moment when...  
He trailed off and Steve tensed, hoping Bucky wasn’t about to withdraw from him-  
“You know what, we’ll give Rick a rest, lets watch alien...”

There was a moment when Bucky scrolled through the films, the light from the T.V was bright white, Steve stole a look at him, he was grinning, properly grinning with crinkled eyes and flexing cheeks.

Steve had to remind himself to breathe. This whole feeling was new, unnerving and exciting but Steve wasn’t going to mess Bucky up worse by forcing his sappy emotions on him.

Bucky bounded back over to the couch, taking up Steve’s hand eagerly.  
“Here we go.” He announced.

 

Special effects and make-up had defiantly advanced, after watching hours of walking dead, Alien was laughable. Steve did laugh when it popped up from the mans stomach playing a skilled game of hide and seek.

Bucky shoulder nudged him, “not supposed to be funny.” He said, with amusement lacing each word.

“Is it not...I’m sure this was under comedy.”

“This terrified me when I first saw it.”

Steve turned towards the brunette, bringing his other hand up to grip Bucky’s knee, “don’t worry I’m here to save ya.”

“Where were you when I was twelve and watched it the first time?”

Steve bunched his lips together, opening them with a pop, “probably frozen in a block of ice.”

“Fair point...I’ll forgive you then.”

“Good, but next time if an alien gets inside you I’ll be there.”

Bucky laughed, the warm puff of air tingled Steve’s collar bone, he hadn’t realised how much he was leaning over the other man, he had turned almost the opposite way from the T.V, perching at the edge of the cushion.

“An if there’s one in my stomach whatcha gunna do, can’t whack it with your shield can ya.”

Steve hummed, “no, but I could poke it out.” 

Steve prodded Bucky’s side till he burst out laughing, thrashing to avoid tickling hands.

The blue eyes watching him were full of joy and mischief, and without any warning he bucked forward, chest pushing Steve.

He slipped off the couch, landing on the floor with a thump. Bucky chuckled, the light from the screen illuminated his smug face, his pouting lips.

“Jerk.” Steve said, squeezing Bucky’s thigh.

“Thought you’d have better balance cap.”

“Hmph, I was distracted by the monster wiggling around in your stomach...trying to save ya Buck, like I always will.”

The happy face looking down at him froze, his smile slid from his lips and he blinked the joy outta his eyes. Steve inwardly kicked himself, climbing back up.

They watched the rest of the film in silence, each glance to Bucky and his eyes had drooped further, no longer watching the movie but glued to the floor.

Steve sighed, he thought he’d made progress, he was just about to apologise and retreat when he heard the small puffs of air from the brunettes lips. Steve ducked his head, grinning to himself when he saw Bucky wasn't curling in on himself but was asleep, limp hand still connected to Steve’s. Steve risked a tug of his shoulder, drawing Bucky to his chest. The sleeping man went willingly, snuggling up to Steve’s warmth with a relaxed sigh. This was defiantly progress, had to be...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky up next...


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trip to the coffee shop, how bad can it be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for Brock showing up and a panicked Bucky.

Bucky was back training in the gym, not actively avoiding Steve but still kinda. In the safety of the dark he could look at him, hold a conversation and feel like...well himself. Steve could bring it out, and he looked elated when he did so. 

“So I’m gone for a month and they move the new guy in...”

The man smiled warmly pinching his chin, Bucky knew they called him Hawkeye, suddenly all the targets around the room made sense...

“’m sorry,” Bucky said ducking his head, “I’ll go.”

“Nah it’s fine, didn’t use much of the equipment anyway, just the targets.”

He flicked his head towards the huge board, only the centre had marks from the arrows, while Bucky was staring Clint pulled the bow from his back, launching an arrow at the target furthest away.  
“I’m Clint. Or Hawkeye...”

“How about arrow-man.” Bucky mumbled.

Clint laughed, gripping hold of the brunettes shoulder, “Steve said you have loadsa nicknames for him, you got one for me...guess that means you like me.”

He pulled another arrow, firing it in a flash of movement, splitting the first arrow right down the middle.

“Impressive.”

Clint puffed a sudden breath and bowed, “thanks, would ask if you wanna try but...guess that would be difficult.”

Bucky glared down at his absent limb, “guess I could pull the bow back with my teeth...”

Clint’s eyes sprung wide, “you serious?”

“No...it was a piss poor joke...I-I could try with a knife though...”

“A knife,” Clint hummed to himself, stroking his chin, “you think you can hit the bull’s-eye with a knife.”

Once upon a time he would’ve been able to, but he hadn’t trained with weapons for years and his centre of gravity was off with the missing arm.

“I could try...”

Clint grinned lopsided, “you’re on Bucky...is it okay I call ya that?”

He nodded and Clint crouched, pulling a blade from his boot.

“Do you always dressed that armed?”

“We were training in the dome...cocky git won again....that’s Tony if you didn’t guess.”

Bucky took the knife, shifting his stance and bending his knees slightly, he practised swinging it, feeling his balance and then he threw it, destroying the weaker arrows in the centre.

Clint clapped his hands together, “Okay come on...they said you were a stripper, I don’t know when you’d need to do that stripping, what’s your secret...”

Bucky pulled out the knife, walking back to stand beside Clint, “Special forces...” he said matter-of-factly.

“How special?”

“That’s classified.”

Clint looked impressed, both eyebrows shot up to his hair, then he frowned bringing them back down.  
“You went from special forces to stripping to...”  
He trailed off scratching his head, “well,” he pointed at Bucky’s missing arm, “good job you’re right handed...”

Bucky shrugged, “I could throw with my left too.”

“Ambidextrous...I bet that’s handy in all kinda activity’s...”  
Clint bit his teeth together, pulling an awkward smile, Bucky just laughed, throwing the knife again and hitting the target.

He was surprised he could still throw it so well. His body hadn’t forgotten his training, neither had his mind...so why in the moment he needed his skills did he panic, rock around helplessly in terror.

“Bucky?”

He shifted, rubbing at his temple, “sorry what...”

“How are you with smaller targets with bigger risks?”

Bucky frowned in confusion and Clint shot a toothy white grin, he pulled an apple from behind his back.

“Where the hell do you keep pulling stuff from?”

Clint leaned in, “you don’t want to know.” He said with a bark.

“You want me to hit the apple?”

Clint nodded moving away, if anything a whole apple was a bigger target than the centre of the board.

“Easy.” Bucky pouted.

The other man smirked, walking his way to the target board. He stretched his arm out to the side, finger pinching the stalk.  
“Go on then...”

He shook his head, brown strands whipping his face, “no way, I could take your hand off.”

Clint bunched his lips and nodded, “prefer if you don’t...but you’re doing alright with one hand.”

“Not doing it...”

“Come on, I know you can, throw the god-damn knife...”

Every negative emotion was pushed from his mind, Bucky focussed on his training all those years ago, his skill and focus. He threw the knife, it whistled as it passed through the air. The crunch forced all the air out Bucky’s body and then Clint screamed.

“Ahhh my hand!”

Bucky slapped his hand to his mouth, rushing over ready to throw himself from the window if it was bad. Clint cradled his hand, rocking back and forward sobbing.  
“Shit,....let-let me see.”

Clint panted a gasp, unpeeling his hand and flicking the bird at Bucky with a laugh, “got ya.”

“Fucking arsehole!”

He scrambled away and Bucky followed, stalking around the room with Clint in hysterics. Bucky caught him, shoulder barging his stomach and picking him up, even with one arm he still managed a fire-mans lift. He stood in the middle of the room with the quaking man on his back and spun in circles fast till the laughing stopped.

With Clint significantly dizzy, Bucky put him back down, letting him stagger around the room till he flopped to the floor. They were both laughing, when Clint tilted up and pulled a broken arrow out from behind him Bucky howled louder, till tears leaked from his eyes.

“You know what Bucky...think me and you are gunna get on fine.”

He held his hand out for Clint, and just as the other man went to take it he pulled back, letting Clint slump back to the ground.

“I think so too.”

 

He returned to the apartment, smiling to himself for the first time in ages. Becca shot him a concerned look an ushering him to the couch.

“Summin I gotta tell ya...”

Bucky swallowed his happiness away, “what is it?”

“I got myself a job, I’m gunna fly back and start asap pay my way.”  
She was nervous, nipping her lip and staring with bulging eyes, waiting for....approval?

“That’s great Becca.”

She gripped his hand tightly, “I’m not abandoning you, Steve and Nat are gunna look out for ya.”

Wow he was feeling like a pet again...  
“I’ll be okay.”

She nodded, “I know you will, Steve’s a good guy.”

Ever since they’d got back and found him sprawled over Steve, Nat and Becca had been giving him dopey smiles, Bucky just found the whole thing embarrassing, he couldn’t just fall asleep on the couch like a normal person, he had to climb on to Steve.

“So I thought we could go an celebrate my job...”

Bucky shook his head, he couldn’t go out, couldn’t be around alcohol or too many people, the stuffy atmosphere.

“Bucky?”

“Sorry what?”

“I said not out-out...just to a cafe or summin, I need to see you outta the tower.”

A cafe...Bucky could handle that, he managed with Nat all those times. Becca was looking at him with such hope he had to glance away.  
“Okay...”

She squealed in delight, “me, you, Nat and Steve.” 

Steve, he both inflated and deflated at the name, he still had to apologise for mounting him when asleep.

Steve looked just as edgy when they left the tower, it became obvious why two paces down the road. People spotted him and immediately rushed over. Autographs and pictures, there was too many people, too much attention near him. Bucky didn’t stop to wait, he steamrolled the path with Nat and Becca following after.

Bucky picked a table right in the corner, sat so he was able to see the whole room..if he wanted to.  
He only had a cup of coffee, sipping it leisurely while the girls chatted. Steve came in ten minutes later, stooping in his walk.

“Sorry bout that.”

Bucky shook his head, “don’t be, everyone wants a piece of captain America, who can blame ‘em.”

“Steve, what do you want?”

Steve’s whole face blushed scarlet, “erm...what?”

“To eat of drink.” Nat asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh just a coffee.”

The trip out of the tower was going better than he thought it would. Becca, full of excited energy non stop talked, Bucky laughed when she expected him to, nodded when she spoke and shook his head and frowned when she spoke about negative things.  
They were all trained responses, Bucky wasn’t taking anything in but that wasn’t important, his sister was happy, thinking he’d made progress.

She couldn’t see him pinching his thigh under the table, couldn’t tell Bucky was sweating and swallowing a dry throat constantly.  
His coffee was nearing the bottom, he chucked back the last of it. He’d done it, sat in a coffee shop and had a drink like a normal person.

A shadow hovered by the table, the same one that had been at the counter shooting glances back. Bucky hadn’t taken any notice, assuming it was another one of Steve’s admirers.

“Can I help you?” Steve asked politely.

The gruff voice made Bucky gasp, styling it out with a shuffle. _no ___, It couldn’t be.

“No...I wanted to talk to Bucky...” 

He coughed, forcing himself to face the man at the end of the table. Brock stood, scratching the back of his head with a shy smile. He was dressed in a fitted suit, smart and official. Never would anyone expect him to have such dark fantasy’s. 

He flicked his head at the window, “I saw you from across the road...” 

Shit, emotions were bubbling, negative and biting, panic made his heart soar, his brain threatened to flash images of that night.  
Becca, her confused face made him put a stop to it. She was happy, seeing her brother have a freak out would upset her, would make her stay in New York when her life was somewhere else, he wouldn’t ruin it for her. 

“How do you know Bucky?” She asked. 

There was dread in her voice, she started to realise what both Steve and Nat had. Brock hesitated at the question unsure what to say. 

“We worked at the strip club together.” He blurted. 

Becca relaxed at that, but Nat had straightened in her seat like a rod. 

“Yeah...can I talk to ya, real quick Bucky.” 

No, the answer was a blaring no, but he forced himself to nod, made himself stand and shuffle past Steve, pushing away his hand when he subtly tried to pull Bucky back. 

He didn’t want to see Brock, didn’t want to speak, but Becca was back happily chatting and his feet followed the other man, to the opposite end of the shop where it wasn’t busy. 

Brock turned, eyes tracking body. He reached his hand to Bucky’s face catching his chin. Bucky froze, let him take hold and turn it left to right gently. 

“Nearly all better...” 

His eyes dropped to Brocks shoes, he didn’t understand why his body was reacting this way, stiffening and unresponsive, like a rabbit in headlights. 

He wanted to smack Brocks hand off him, wanted to back away and tell him to never touch him again, but he couldn’t. 

Brock stroked his face gently, cooing at him, “where you been baby? Alex said you don’t do it no more?”  
He couldn’t shake his head, could only stand paralysed and let Brock pull him towards his body.  
“Oh baby...you’re shaking, your thinking about our night...it was wild..I think about it a lot too.” 

Brock’s pupils had popped black, Bucky’s had shrunken to fearing pinpricks. Fingers were pinching roughly at his hips. Bucky could feel the swell in Brocks pants pressing into him. 

“My fucked up little slut...”  
He was leaning in, pushing his words directly in Bucky’s ears, a shudder rolled through his body. 

“You like that? I’ve got thirty minutes break, wanna make the most of it?”  
The fingers on his hips dug in harder, attempting to move him towards the door. 

“Let go of him.” 

Steve, defiantly his voice in a rage, words spoke through his teeth. Bucky didn’t look towards him, he couldn’t face away from Brocks dark eyes, his lip had pulled back and he looked about ready to rip Bucky apart. 

“We’re good here, just catching up.” Brock tried. 

“Get off him now.” Each word Steve growled out, Bucky saw the moment Brock glanced his way, swallowing hard and backing up a step. 

He shuffled back on his feet, the nasty expression had gone, back to his shy professional one. He bowed his head at Steve. 

“Thanks for all you do Captain America.” 

Bucky couldn’t force his eyes to Steve’s face but he could see how tense his body was, muscles straining. His neck had pulled tight, vein bulging under the surface. Bucky imagined that was how Steve looked just before he killed someone. 

“Get out.” He said, straight to the point. 

He did, scarpering from the shop. 

Steve didn’t move from his side, Bucky could see his hands clenched into fists, could hear his furious breaths of air. 

Bucky spied his sister in the corner, facing away from the commotion with Nat, her laugh travelled over, joyous and light. Bucky needed to leave, he could feel the overwhelming pressure building in his head. His internal projector was about to play his horror story, he would feel, smell, see and hear what happened again. 

“Can-can you take me home...” 

Steve was still tensed to the max, struggling to get his temper under control, “I’ll get the others- 

“No...” He was shaking, he tucked his hand inside his pants so no one would notice, “she can’t see me like this Steve...make summing up.” 

He felt Steve’s gaze, analysing his state, “okay...wait here.” 

Steve rocked on his heels, reluctant to move away. 

“Please Steve.” 

Bucky didn’t know what Steve told the two in the corner, but they winked at him through the window as they passed. 

“Nee-need ta...get back.”  
Steve walked briskly, puffed up to full height. Trying to intimidate people out the way. It worked for the men, but women swarmed, asking for pictures and autographs. 

“Not now-“ he tried, but they were undeterred, closing in on him. 

Too many people, to many judging eyes on him, wondering why he was walking with Captain America, why would he favour that.  
Bucky carried on, breathless as if he’d broken through the ribbon on the marathon. He left Steve behind, getting into the tower and collapsing into the elevator. With his last ounce of energy he pressed the number of the apartment, sinking to the floor, and then the night with Brock played. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost at the end, few more chapters left <3


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Panic attack warning.

Trying to dodge a maze of people, Steve grit his teeth, politely telling the adoring public he couldn’t stop, they only listened when he yelled it was an avengers emergency, then they parted like the sea letting him sprint by, cheering their captain on. It wasn’t an avengers emergency, not a Captain America one either, this was purely Steve’s. Bucky was in trouble and Steve was going to be damn sure he was there this time.

Bursting through the doors to the tower, Steve saw the elevator, the levels stacking up high. He galloped towards the stairs, easily leaping the flights. He got to Bucky’s floor, banging on the door for him to open up.  
There was no shuffle of feet, even pressing his ear to the door Steve couldn’t hear a thing. He turned desperately towards the elevator, finally spotting the slumped legs through the open doors.

“Bucky?”

He had slid down to the floor, face pale and eyes fixed at nothing, like they had at the bottom of the cliff. Steve could see his body jerking, thunderous heart rate making his body rock.

“It’s me, it’s me Steve.”  
He crouched down, but there was no response. Even waving a hand in front of the other mans face didn’t get a reaction.

“Okay, ‘m gunna your key card and open the apartment.”

He reached into Bucky’s pants pocket and immediately Bucky began trembling, mumbling a rush of words. Steve pulled his hand back fast-

“Okay...my place...”

He wasn’t risking freaking him out any further, he pressed the button for the floor below-

“Hey Buck, I’m gunna help you up...”

Bucky went willingly, stooping low but he was still standing, taking small steps to get out of the shaft. Steve slotted his card in the door, swinging it wide and coaxing Bucky inside.

The couch seemed safe territory, Steve eased him down. Kneeling on the floor in front.  
“Easy there Buck...”

There was no reply, unnerving staring at nothing and trembling limbs. His hand had curled tight, Steve spotted the red in his palm, skin splitting under his panicked grip. He wormed his own fingers between Bucky’s to stop anymore damage being done. 

“Sick-let me..please.”

Steve nodded, gripping the other man by the hips and drawing him off the couch.  
“Toilets here-

Bucky staggered out of the clutch, bouncing on the door frame as he went into the bathroom. Steve tried to follow but Bucky pointed his finger back.  
“No, please- don’t...I don’t wanna.”

Steve stopped, flinched when the door was slammed in his face. He rested his head against it, listening to the heaving and gasping for breath in the other room. Fear had laced his words, frightened of Steve harming him.

After a few minutes Bucky stopped being sick, Steve readied himself for the brunette to appear, rushing to the kitchen and filling a glass of water as well as putting the coffee machine on to help sooth his throat.

The door didn’t open, Steve could hear rushing water. He was having a shower, surely that was a good thing. Abandoning the drinks for now Steve went into his bedroom, grabbing one of his hugging t-shirts and sweat pants, the brunette wouldn’t want to climb into his old clothes, not once he’d cleaned off the sweat and fear.

 

He was taking too long, Steve paced, scratched at his neck, took a sip of coffee that burned his tongue. Why was he taking that long? He almost asked Jarvis for help but the only room that didn’t have a camera was that one.  
Sod it, he gently pushed the door, finding it unlocked. The shower still poured but the lack of steam alarmed the blonde. The shower cubical was cold, water streaming out like ice needles.

“Jesus Buck.”

He was slumped at the bottom, fully dressed and soaked through. His brown hair hung down his face, hiding his features from view.  
“Come on, lets get you up...”

Sopping wet and cold, Steve helped Bucky from the shower, leading him through to the living room. It didn’t matter that he left great puddles of water each step. Steve hesitated, wanting to peel the cold material off the brunette before he started to ache from it, but unsure how he’d react being undressed.

Steve didn’t risk it, he slumped on the couch bringing Bucky with him, arranging his legs so he straddled the blonde, resting his dripping face into Steve’s neck. He wrapped a towel around Bucky’s body and held him in place.

“Fuck-why the cold?”

He didn’t expect a reply, but Bucky’s teeth chattered together, pushing out the words, “numb, wanna be numb.” 

Steve rubbed at his back, it was useless, no warmth could penetrate the soaking wet material. Steve whined, rubbing his chin against the side of the frozen mans face and rocking him.

“Sir perhaps I can suggest a few things.”

Steve nodded to the lampshade completely out of his depth. “yeah, do em.”

The apartment filled with trickling noise, the sway of trees and the squawking of birds.

“What the hell Jarvis?”

“Jungle noise.”

If Steve wasn’t clinging on so tight he would’ve thrown the lampshade. Bucky pushed his face further into the embrace, nuzzling Steve’s flesh.  
“How is that going to help?”

“Of course sir...”

The sound ceased and Steve breathed a slow breath, still rubbing his hands on Bucky’s back with him slumped over. He was bordering a melt down over what to do, how to help.

Deep rumbling started, loud enough to vibrate the seats. A chorus of moaning muffled by water.

“What in heavenly-fuck is that?”

“Whale music sir, most beneficial.”

“He doesn’t need animal music!”

The apartment went silent again, and Steve didn’t register that Bucky had got his hand under his shirt, was pressing his cool palm to Steve’s body as if checking he was really there.

“Apologies sir.”

Steve was too irritated to reply, and was verging the edge of an emotional break down. He’d never felt so helpless, apart from that one time when the cliff fell and the AI was not helping his elevated emotions.

“Listen to me...where ever you are in there,” He tapped Bucky’s head, “I’m here, not gunna hurt you, won’t let anyone else hurt you either-

Classical music poured into the room, violins and pianos.

“Jarvis!”

“Mozart sir, soothes distressed babies.”

Steve’s heart was thundering, his breath was coming out in disbelieving pants.  
“He’s not a god damn baby.”

“Trying to help-

“Well you’re not.” Steve yelled aloud.

He was going to be having a discussion with Tony about the usefulness of the AI.

“I think I’ve been most affective.”

“Do you now, how is that!”

A breath tickled the skin of his neck, a warm puff of rattling air. Steve tilted back finding Bucky smiling. He moved the hair from his face, noting the colour had returned, now Steve could really concentrate he realised Bucky was no longer trembling, he had nestled himself against Steve’s chest snuggly. It would’ve been nice had he not been freezing cold.

“Your..your laughing?”

“Maybe a little.”

His voice was croaky, quiet so near to Steve’s body. 

“You okay?”  
Stupid question but it was all he could think of to ask.

Bucky shuffled, snuggling deep into Steve’s chest before freezing, and opening his eyes slowly-

“Shiiiit, I’ve climbed on your lap again.” He smacked his lips together and grimaced, “why does my mouth taste like acid?”  
Steve was reluctant to let Bucky pull back, he stayed straddling but his expression was one of utter confusion.

“Why am I wet?” His attention flicked towards the window, “it’s not raining...”  
Every time Steve went to speak Bucky butted in, more questions with a frown stuck face-

“Where are we? This your apartment?”

Steve put both paws onto his shoulders, “Bucky...what’s the last thing you remember?”

“Erm...Becca...coffee shop,” he squeezed his eyes closed “Brock.”

Steve nodded, “yeah, he was there.”

Bucky escaped Steve’s hold, sinking onto the couch next to him, “shit I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be.....was he the one...that raped you?”

Even saying the word made Steve want to hurl things around the room and hunt the bastard down. If he could find his surname he was certainly going to try

“No, he’s the one I let rape me...there’s a difference.”

Steve scoffed, already planning to go to the coffee shop again and wait on the off chance that man went back there.  
“He hurt you, abused you...we got your medical report when you got here....and our own doctors found other injuries that weren’t reported, he forced himself in you.”

Bucky whipped round to face Steve, pressing his hand over the blondes mouth to stop him from saying more.  
“Don’t...it was my stupid fault...”

Steve shook his head, gripping onto the brunettes knee. “S’not.”

“I didn’t care what he did to me, I had such a shit week and he was so nice, bought me dinner, posh champagne, even fucking flowers...and I was an idiot, I thought I’d be able to handle it, but-but...I couldn’t and he wouldn’t let me go, not even to-

He stopped alarmed, verging on the edge of saying something before shrinking in on himself. Steve knew he had to tread carefully, didn’t want to distress Bucky further, but he wanted to help, needed to.

“Were you...were you drunk?”

“The champagne was strong...if I hadn’t of had so much maybe I wouldn’t of fucked up.”

“Who gave you the drink?”

Bucky frowned not seeing the relevance, “he bought a load of champagne...”

“Did you keep topping up your glass or did he?”

He shook his head, before pausing with a pained expression.  
“I know what you’re trying to do Steve...but I consented, when things got- when I wanted to stop he thought I was going along with his fantasy.”

“No, he knew you wanted to stop, He bit you, sliced your tongue and split your lip open...”

Bucky shuddered, leaning towards Steve slightly before realising and straightening up.

“You flinch when your own sister hugs you...you cower when Nat try’s to kiss your cheek.”

He moved his hand so Bucky could clearly see his intention before cupping his jaw and turning him so they were facing. He didn’t make eye contact but Steve wasn’t expecting it. His jaw was stubbled, neatly trimmed, he’d expected it to be sharp, but it was soft under Steve’s caresses, just like the hair on his head. Steve realised Bucky didn’t fear him, leaned into his hands and let out relaxed sighs of contentment.

He brushed his thumb across the scarred pink skin, pushing the plumpness of his lips, Bucky closed his eyes, his breath jumped but he didn’t look frightened, he enjoyed the touches Steve’s laid to his face, to his skin. Steve trailed his fingertips up, towards the silver lines of his head and cheek.

Using both hands he held his face, brushed his thumbs over Bucky’s under eyes. They were no longer purple, healed and firm.  
His eyes opened and the mesmerising blue stared deep into Steve’s. His wet hair clung together and Steve brushed it away from his face, able to see Bucky properly. The energy was back between then, the room melted away and all that was left was each other. That was fine by Steve, he didn’t want anything else, he’d found something he wanted, he actually craved and desired and he was terrified he was going to fuck it up, push him away and lose him.

He was gorgeous, and before he could help it he was watching his lips. Bucky bit his bottom one nervously and Steve un-popped it with his thumb. The skin was soft and fragile and Steve’s chest expanded with deep breaths, there wasn’t enough air in the room let alone his lungs, not when Bucky was actually connecting with him, not shying away.

The barest of kisses was pushed to his digit and the effect on Steve’s body was immediate. Thumping heart and skin tingling, the heat flooded his groin, and he pulled away sharply. His hands wanted to touch, lips wanted to kiss, his whole body wanted to pull Bucky down on top of him and rub against him, replace all the bad memory’s with pleasure.

Worst moment ever to get an erection, bringing Bucky down from a panic attack, he cursed his stupid body and his muddled up heart. Sex certainly wasn’t what he needed.

Bucky had shuffled away, face cast towards the floor, “thanks...for covering for me.” 

Steve coughed awkwardly, hiking his leg up slightly so the brunette couldn’t see his hard on.  
“Yeah erm- no problem....there’s some clothes there for you to change in to.”

Bucky took them, brushing his hands over the fabric, “I think I’ll got back to mine.”

“Stay Bucky, I don’t like the thought of you all alone.”

Bucky sighed, “I’ll be find Steve, need to get my head in gear and can’t do it here.”

“You sure?”

The back of his head nodded, and he moved to the door taking the clothes with him.  
He probably needed space from Steve considering he’d just grown a boner from a single-non-sexual kiss...to his thumb tip. 

“Steve...erm...can you say it?”

“It’s all gunna be okay Buck.”

He didn’t reply, floated through the door like a ghost and managed to close it still facing away. Steve slumped back into the couch, rubbing at his face in anger. He was fucking things up without even meaning to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are almost at the end!!!!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of Bucky and Clint bonding time...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd mistakes painfully mine  
> Thanks for the kudos and comments, they really do brighten my dull existence ;)
> 
> <3

The day came for the fitting of the metal arm, Tony flicked his head towards what looked like a dentistry chair.

“Take a seat...me an Bruce will get started soon...”

Bucky’s eyes shot wide, “the hulk, he’s gunna be putting it on.”  
In that case every bone in his body was about to be broken-

“I’m not the hulk all the time...” Came an amused rumbled. 

“Sorry.”

He waved his hand dismissively with a kind smile, “lay back, gunna give you some nerve blockers.”

Bucky whistled out a slow breath, sinking into the seat.

“Gunna open you up, attach the wires and pads to your muscle and nerves.”

Well that sounded gross, Bucky just nodded along-

“There was one problem...”

He glanced at Tony waiting for him to elaborate.

He sighed, scratching his beard, “attaching the top to your shoulder and chest...it’ll leave scars with the join.”

Bucky was already scarred, didn’t make much of a difference, “so?”

Tony smiled at that, clapping his hand to Bruce’s arm, “see told ya he’s a trooper.”

Bruce didn’t seem as enthusiastic, he shook his head, “it’s your funeral...”

“Steve will be fine with it, he said yes..didn’t force him.”

Trust Steve to be protective Bucky thought with equal fondness and annoyance.

“Let’s get this started,” the other man sighed.

True to their word it didn’t hurt, lots of tugging, shoving and the smell of burnt flesh that made Bucky’s stomach roll.  
“Jarvis, flood the room with...with roses.”

“Roses?” Bucky stuttered.  
The scent of flowers over took the other smell, flowers like Brock had bought him that night. They had made him happy, him lured into a false sense of security with Brock. The Flowers had been in a vase next to the bed, when...when...

“Easy there Bucky, lets calm your heart down.”

The colour was draining from his face, dizziness made it hard to focus on Bruce. His body was paralysed, from whatever drugs he’d been given. He couldn’t move, couldn’t defend himself.

“Does it hurt?”

He didn’t reply, Bruce turned towards Tony, who was oblivious to his freaked out patient.  
“Something’s up...”

Tony stopped humming, putting his face in front of Bucky’s fixed one.  
“What is it?”

“N-N-Not- not flowers...”

Tony’s mouth popped open, he darted a look towards Bruce, mouthing ‘flowers?’

“Put something else through the air filters.” Came a stern voice.

Steve, for heaven sake, was he always destined to enter the room every time he was freaking out?

The smell in the air changed, something sweet and sugary, almost like candy floss.  
“Better?” Bruce asked.

“Ye-yeah...thanks.”

Steve watched the rest of the procedure from the foot of the bed, arms folded and angry scowl set in place.  
“You found a better way of attaching it to his skin?”

Tony shuffled, coughing and shuffling again, “well no, Bucky was fine with it.”

Steve puffed his chest out, intimidating the very air out of the room-

“Steve I’m scarred enough, a few more won’t matter...”

The blonde deflated, still not happy but no longer threatening in his stand.

The arm was attached, then it became a waiting game. The drugs needed to fade before Bucky could feel anything. Tony was rattling on about there last session in the dome, he and Bruce getting the top score with Sam and Steve just behind.

“Poor old Clint...” He laughed, apparently arrow-man was the bottom of the scoring.

“Don’t wind him up.”

Tony’s jaw dropped in shock, “what? He shouldn’t of semi-retired...might have got a good score if he hadn’t...never as good as me though.”

Bucky zoned out to the conversation, there was a tingling down his left side, an odd pressure in his shoulder. He focused on the metal fingers, they moved, a fraction, but they moved, he moved them. He did it again until they could curl.

He let out a disbelieving laugh and the other three froze.  
He twisted the wrist, moving each finger in a wave. It felt odd, not at all like his flesh arm, it tingled, pinched his muscles but it wasn’t uncomfortable.

“How’s it feel?”  
Tony was poised at his computer, fingers ready to dance out whatever Bucky noted about the arm.

“It’s fucking amazing.”

Tony nodded with a smile, “lookin for a lil more than that.”

“Sorry, erm...it tingles, kinda like an electric shock but it doesn’t hurt, fuzzy.”  
Bucky gave up trying to explain it, he lifted his elbow up, reached for the ceiling and curled his hand into a fist.  
“Fucking amazing.”

Steve chuckled, “you said that.”

“The more you use it the less you’ll notice the tingling...it senses pressure, you should be able to teach it to function like your other one.”

“Teach it?”

Tony pouted his lips, “practise, lotsa practise Okay.”

Bucky nodded, before giving Tony a thumbs up with his new shiny hand. He met Steve’s gaze and smiled, if it was possible to see happiness flood someone’s face he just did. 

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

He practised in the gym on the machines, he practised more minuet movements spinning blades and knives. He had no danger of slipping and cutting himself and the arm reacted quicker than he could even think.

“Have to say...” Clint puffed, “Kinda jealous.”

Bucky stopped showing off his knife juggle, grinning brightly towards the arrow man.

The other avengers were out on some public relations initiative, giving Bucky and Clint full range of the tower. Clint was excited to be trying the dome without Tony’s watchful eye, he danced around giddily while they went down in the elevator.

“Right...your good with static targets...”

Bucky followed through the weaponry room, letting Clint load him up with straps and knives.

“Now some moving ones...”

They stepped through the door into the blinding white room. The added addition was a net full of balloons.  
“What the hell?”

“99 red balloons...”

Clint grinned, walking over and releasing the balloons from the net, they floated to the top of the dome.

“They’re not exactly hard to hit...”Bucky mumbled.

“Jarvis, give us wind, hurricane power.”

The red balloons whizzed round the space, and Clint smiled, “how about now, bet I can hit more than you Bucky boy.”

“You’re on....”

"Oh and Jarvis...put the song on too..."  
They rushed round the room with giddy excitement, popping balloons to the song 99 red balloons on repeat. Clint had oddly filled them with red glitter, shrugging when Bucky questioned it.

Sometimes there tactics were more to hamper there opponent. Clint tripped Bucky over with a mocking ‘whoops’ so Bucky picked him up and spun him in circles again, only stopping when Clint turned a shade of green.

He enjoyed his training sessions with Clint, Clint didn’t look at him like he was about to shatter, he didn’t duck to avoid his look or bristle at eye contact. Clint was old school, army comradery, and it was refreshing to be around.  
Clint won, only just, his arrows could reach further than Bucky’s arm after all.

“Think I beat ya.”

“Only just...”

Clint laughed, “how about you fight some people, close combat holograms...”

Bucky nodded, anything to redeem himself.

“Jarvis, you know what to do.”

The room warped to a street, darkly lit. Bucky rocked on his heels breathing deep, close combat, this was what he excelled at.  
“I’m ready.”

The holograms appeared from windows, doors, from round the corners of buildings and alleys, even from the ground. He took them apart, close combat, he sliced them open with brutal efficiency. Not stopping, not taking a breath until they were all slayed.

“That’s all of them.” Clint said, walking over.

Bucky smiled triumphantly-  
“Take a look at the holograms Bucky.”

He glanced down, heart jumping to his throat.  
“Brock?”

Clint nodded, “yep, all him...”

“Why the hell is there holograms of him...”

“Steve asked Tony to make ‘em, takes his anger out on the man that hurt you, your ex boyfriends one too...”

Bucky twirled on the spot, seeing all the body’s of the men in his nightmares.

“Still scared of them?”

“I-I had knives...the advantage.”

Clint shook his head, “you killed quiet a few without them...if Brock comes as you again remember this, see what you can do if you focus.”

The room pixelated back to white and Bucky sat down, taking Clint’s offered bottle of water.

“I dunno what happened the other day when I saw him...I just froze.”

“Next time you won’t.”

There was a knowing smile spreading over Clint’s face, “never seen anyone get under Caps skin like you do.”

“Guilt, some stupid guilty conscious about the cliff fall.”

“Bucky...he likes ya, not from guilt.”

“He sees me as weak...a victim for him to take care of.”

Clint pushed his lips together in a pout.  
“That sucks, you know what you gotta do then right?”

Bucky frowned, Steve was always going to see him as some inferior, see his weakness, couldn’t really blame him though, he’d froze like some frightened pup at the cafe.

“You gotta prove ‘im wrong.”

“And how do I do that?”

A sparkle glinted in Clint’s eye, “might have an idea...”

That was about the scariest thing Bucky had ever heard....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be some loving from Steve and Bucky at some point, hang tight :)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for Kudos and comments <3 love y'all.  
> Unbeta'd, mistakes painfully mine.  
> <3

There was a knock at his door, an unscheduled one, hope bloomed that it was Bucky. He couldn’t avoid Steve forever.  
When he swung the door, it wasn’t Bucky but his sister. She had her suitcase behind her, shades on her face.  
“Wanted to say bye.”

Steve moved his bulk from the doorway and she followed inside with a bright smile.

“I won’t stay long....just wanted to say thank you...for saving my brother.... again.”

Steve shook his head, “don’t thank me,” he sighed.

Her smile didn’t drop, in fact it seemed to grow in size.  
“Will you take care of him?”

“Of course.”  
His response was far too quick and desperate sounding.

“Do you like my brother?”

“Course I do...he’s a good guy that’s gone through some shit.”

She laughed lightly, “that’s not what I meant...what are your intentions with him?”

Intentions? What the hell, “erm...we’re friends.”  
His face was aflame again, he spun so she couldn’t see. 

“You don’t want to be more?”

Yes, the answer was a blaring yes with jazz hands dancing, instead Steve coughed, sure his throat was also flushing...

“You’ll be good to him.”

“Yes.”  
He didn’t know what question he was answering, but she seemed satisfied, taking a step forward and wrapping her arms around Steve in a hug.

“I expect you to be together next time I see ya.”

Steve was in danger of spontaneous combustion, he squeaked in reply and she laughed, retreating with her suitcase from the room.

When he told Sam about the exchange he burst with a howl of laughter.

“She’s scoping you out.”

Steve agreed, “yeah and I flushed like a kid with a crush..”

“In sexual conquests you are a kid-

“Shutup.”

Sam bellowed a cackle again, jumping up on the running machine.  
“Come on...lets do this...”

Sam was going to end up regretting his eagerness.

Steve was galloping on the running machine like a stallion, Sam was gulping and hiccupping on the machine next to him.

“Okay, time out.”

“Aww, thought you could handle my pace.” Steve teased.

Sam stopped his machine, climbing off on jellied legs and collapsing on the floor, “was wrong...”

Steve only stopped when the door swung open behind them. Nat appeared, coffees and muffins in her hands.

“The perks of my job.” She said.

Sam tried to stand before dropping back down.

“Look at that,” she pouted, “men falling at my feet.”

She glided over, passing Sam a drink and then Steve.

“Thanks.” They said in unison.

“So why you on the floor?”

Steve puffed his chest out, shaking his head down toward the exhausted man, “couldn’t handle it.”

“I couldn’t handle it...?” Sam squeaked aghast.

“I’m just too tough for ya.”

“Not tough enough for a certain someone’s little sister...”

Nat snapped to attention, narrowing her eyes at Steve.

“She was searching out his intentions.” Sam offered.

“And what exactly are they?”  
Her flirty tone had gone, replaced by one of steel.

“Me an Bucky...are friends.”

Sam laughed, “friends don’t look at each other how you look at him-

“What, how you look at Nat?”

That shut him up, also made the atmosphere suddenly tense. Nat placed the bag of muffins on the floor.

“Right well...sometimes the friend card goes on for too long...best when someone makes a move.”  
She twirled on the spot, wagging her hips before disappearing into the elevator.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Training in the dome, it morphed into a city, New York to be exact. Tony and Bruce went first, enemies and civilians, a clean run was making sure the right people died. They cleared the map, Tony whooped at their score while the hulk beat his chest and roared. Sam and Steve watched from the observation point, the dome has multiple camera filming, and watching Tony and Bruce had been like watching a destructive action movie.

“Let’s see what ya got Cap.”

Steve and Sam were up next, clearing the map with less destruction, earning them a few more points. The time ran out with a few enemies remaining on the rooftops where Steve couldn’t get them.

They walked from the room panting, Sam grumbled about his suit and Tony pulled a face.  
“I’ll look at it later bird boy.”

The scowl Sam directed at Tony made Steve laugh, in the suit Tony would hands down win a scuffle, but out of it, Sam was sure to batter him.

The door opened saving anyone coming to blows.

“Sorry Clint, but it’s doubles today....,” Tony looked around him, “an there’s no one to spar with you.”

Steve was just about to offer when Bucky walked into the room.

“That’s okay An-Tony-O, I’ve got myself someone.”

Steve couldn’t breathe, all he could do was gawp, only aware he was doing so when Sam hit his chin to close his mouth.

Dressed in black combats, covered in holsters and knives. His hair was swept back off his face, the blue in his eyes was fierce, focussed, even when Steve looked at them they didn’t cower, they made him shiver, his body erupted in tingles from one gaze. Straight like a rod he didn’t duck, Bucky didn’t droop his shoulders or tuck his chin, Steve had never seen him looking so confident, so deadly.

“No can do, can’t have a civilian in combat training...even if you dress him up like a ninja.”

Clint rubbed at his chin, “aww Tony, you afraid a semi-retired avenger and a ‘civilian’ gunna beat your score...”

Tony scrunched his face, unimpressed.

“Let them have a go.” Bruce said, squeezing his nose, coming down from a rage fuelled migraine.

Bucky turned and Steve’s eyes snapped to his behind, his pants hugged his thighs as he shifted waiting for Clint.  
Steve’s mouth went dry, he licked at his lips to moisten the parched skin.

“Calm down Steve...” Sam mumbled.

He looked over to Sam, who was trying his best not to laugh, “’m calm, so calm...couldn’t be calmer.”

“Your face has turned into a tomato, never seen you blush this bad.”

He wanted to deny it but he could physically feel his face pulsating. He gulped, coughed, aware that everyone in the room was watching him, thank god Bucky had already disappeared through the door to the dome.  
Tony ran the same programme before chuckling darkly to himself.

“Not gunna be easy for them...Night time, thunder storm...”

The City dulled, rain pelted and bright flashes of light erupted.

“There, see how you deal with limited visual...”Tony rumbled to himself.

The programme ran, Clint hung at the back firing off arrows and Bucky...vanished. In a flash of lightning he was gone. Body’s fell to the floor, flung outta windows, but he was invisible, stalking in shadows and appearing for the killer blow before vanishing again.

They worked as a team, Clint taking out holograms from a distance, with Bucky storming the buildings, killing at close quarters.

“What the hell?” Tony yelled, eyeing Steve suspiciously, “how has Clint got him that good?”

Steve didn’t reply, completely transfixed.

Tony took over the keys of the computer, the last hologram held onto a hostage as a shield, each time Clint pulled his bow back for the shot, Tony typed on the keypad, moving the hostage in the way.

“Cheating git!” Clint yelled aloud.

Tony chuckled, “no way your beating my top score.”

Clint growled, trying to edge closer.

“Any closer an I’ll slit her throat.”

“Jesus Tony,” Sam muttered, crossing his arms in disgust.

Clint whined, the mission had ten more seconds before the end.  
“No fair!”

“You did well, but not well enough.” Tony snarked.

His words stopped dead when the holograms head split in two from a blade. The hostage fell to the floor unharmed just in time.  
A perfect run, limited damage to buildings and vehicles, no hurt civilians and every hostile efficiently stopped.

Clint cheered, rushing up and grabbing Bucky around the hips, he hauled him onto his back, spinning him in circles till they both burst out laughing dropping to the floor.

“Oh Tony,...you’re too easy to distract.” Clint shouted to the roof.

Steve smiled, watching on the monitor the two in the room, Clint ruffled Bucky’s hair and Bucky tripped him over when he tried to rush away.

Bucky was grinning, having fun with Clint...he shouldn’t of been jealous but he was, his stomach crunched uncomfortably and he faced away from the screen.

Clint strutted in the room, bowing in front of the hacked off Tony, Bucky followed, shooting a shy smile in Steve’s direction. It was Steve’s turn to duck away, to deny the contact.

“What’s the secret...?” Tony asked.

Clint threw an arm over Bucky’s shoulders, “that’s classified Stark.”

Bucky shrugged, not offering anything.

“Since we won, we’re going out to celebrate...I expect a drink from each of ya.”

Tony grumbled, spinning to the computer for solace.

Clint danced away, gripping Bucky’s arm, “one thing irritated me though...”He ripped the combat jacket, exposing the metal arm in its entirety, “sorted...”

Bucky peeked a look at Steve, pressing his lips together in an uncomfortable smile. He seemed unsure, trying to work the blonde out. Good luck to him, Steve had no idea what was going on with his wayward emotions himself.

 

Steve thought Bucky would decline from a night out, but he agreed, disappearing in the elevator to change.

“You think he changed his mind?” Steve asked.

Sam shrugged his shoulders and Pepper and Tony shifted behind.

Clint heard, shoulder bashing Steve, “course he hasn’t.”

Jealousy still prickled, and Steve swallowed loudly, tilting away from the cat smiling Clint.  
The elevator dinged and out walked Bucky, fitted black pants and a burgundy buttoned up shirt. His hair was styled back away from his face, jaw trimmed showing off his splitting jaw bone and he paused at the audience in the lobby.

“Hi.” He said shyly, but he didn’t curl away, he straightened, walking towards them smiling.

The second time that day Steve was rendered speechless, thankfully Nat walked out from the elevator afterwards linking arms with the brunette. She whispered into his ear and he lowered his eyes with a blush.

“Let’s go!” Clint yelled, waving everyone out.

The third breathless moment happened at the club, Steve was in danger of passing out from lack of oxygen. His whole focus was on the brunette, even his unconscious actions such as breathing and his heart beating were being effected, he had to actively remind himself to function. Speech was out of the question and Tony soon gave up on starting a conversation with him.

Bucky was dancing, moving his hips with Nat seductively, he was positive Sam was staring with his tongue dangling too. Every other person in the room blurred to insignificance, even the music drowned out to nothing. All Steve could hear was his own heart, his ragged breaths. His skin was fire, his hands clutched at the base of his stool. He had to look away, think of non sexy thoughts, calm down the bubbling heat in his crotch.

“Wanna dance?”

Bucky was in front of him, metal hand outstretched, no Steve didn’t want to dance, didn’t want to make an idiot outta himself, but he wasn’t going to reject Bucky’s hand, he might pick someone else, might dance with Clint.  
Steve shot to his feet, making Bucky jump back with a laugh. 

“Someone’s eager.” He murmured.

Bucky led him to the dance floor where Nat had dragged Sam, they were close dancing much to Steve’s amusement. Sam looked like he was in a daze and she raised her eyebrow at Bucky when he got close enough.

Steve was positive he looked equally enchanted. Bucky didn’t smirk like Nat though, he grinned, crinkling his eyes. The blue twinkled each time the beams of light caught them.

They were close, not just because of the crowded dance floor but Steve was maganistied towards the other man, body’s brushing, faces millimetres away. He could feel the heat of Bucky’s skin, caught the scent of him, exotic and hot.

Their crotches touched and Steve groaned low in arousal, Bucky was just as affected by their closeness. In fact he leaned forward, rubbing against Steve slowly. Steve panted, was unable to help it. In the back of his mind he found it embarrassing, turned to a breathless, worn out mess and all they were doing was moving fractionally.

Bucky pulled Steve the final millimetre and the heat in their pants throbbed, rutting against each other. They were both panting, caught up in the frenzied moment, Bucky’s lips hung open, his cheeks blotched red.

“fffuck.” Steve muttered to himself, Bucky looked undone, gorgeous and fuckable.

Their faces touched, Steve’s blushing one snagging on Bucky’s stubbled jaw. He tilted back, allowing their lips to brush, such delicate skin Steve would kill to caresses. He tried, leaning in viper quick, too fast, Bucky darted away at the contact with a rush of breath.

“No--

The moment broke, Steve yanked his body back from the brunettes, even when Bucky tried to secure his hips he moved away, not looking at him.

There was hurt in the brunettes face, but Steve didn’t see it as rejection, he thought Bucky was distressed by the attempted kiss.  
He hurried away, leaving Bucky alone on the dance floor. 

He didn’t go back to their table, he stalked outside with a hanging head, gripping his hair in both hands and growling at his inability to stop fucking up.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some smut this chapter...  
> unbeta's mistakes are painfully mine.
> 
> Thanks for kudos and comments <3

The day had the potential to go down hill mighty fast. Clint had told him to meet at the dome after lunch and he agreed, unnerved by the massive grin thrown his way. Instead of hiding in the gym or his apartment he ventured outside. He still avoided peoples gazes but he no longer faced the pavement, instead his target.

The Cobra.

He stood in front of the neon flashing lights, blaring the venues name even though it was the middle of the day and unopen. There was no longer a poster of himself and Nat, but one with two dancers he’d never seen—

“Was wondering when you’d come crawling back.”  
He stiffened, but didn’t drop his shoulders, he twirled to face Alex’s smug face.

“Not crawling back-

Alex flicked his head at the door, “can’t ever come back here, not with you broken.”

Bucky nodded, “No, but I don’t wanna....I’m more than you made me.”

“You were nothing till I gave you this job, Mr ordinary.”

“An I’m happy being Mr ordinary again.”

Alex shook his head with a bitter expression, “Tony Stark gives you an arm and what? You think you’re normal again...you’re not-

Bucky rolled his eyes, clapping his thumb and fingers together on one hand. “yeah, yeah, yeah...a lot of talk for an old man.”

He stumbled back as if Bucky had struck him, “how dare you!”

“Oh Alex...I wouldn’t frown like that, really does show your age, a skeleton has more youth-

He reeled up, ready to slap Bucky but his hand was caught by metal fingers.

“Don’t wanna break your fragile bones do ya...”

He pulled away, eyes wide and darting-

“See we all have our insecurities...and I know yours...triple my age, no stamina, couldn’t get it up for long....”

Alex swung to hit Bucky again but it was easily brushed off.

“Bastard!”

“There’s all sorts of medication now to help ya-

“Fuck you!” Alex spat, rage making his body quake.

Bucky laughed, rolling his shoulders, “that was the problem, couldn’t feel a thing...even when you did.”

Alex rocked on his heels, darting looks to people passing by on the street, a few chuckled having heard some of the exchange.  
“No one will love you James, they will only see a mess.”

Bucky winked, “Better be a hot mess then, not an old one.”

He turned in triumph, grinning to himself and leaving Alex and the cobra behind. He had a date fight with Clint and riding the waves of endorphins he was going to smash it.

He hadn’t expected Steve to be in the dome, nor everyone else. Clint had conveniently not told him.

“Let’s show them how kick ass you are.” Clint whispered to him.

His training of years ago, surfaced, and even with Tony trying to make it more difficult for them, it only added to his skill. Trained to get as near to a target as he could and effectively take them out before vanishing.

His dad would be proud of his skill, of his focus and teamwork with Clint. For the first time in ages he thought of his parents, hoping they weren’t disappointed with him.

 

The day continued on a high and when Clint suggested going out, he nodded his head in agreement. He could handle it, couldn’t he?

He jogged to the elevator in a buzz but the second he walked into the apartment he shrivelled in on himself. Nat was there, stroking his arms and telling him it was okay if he didn’t want to go.

The thing was he did, he’d said yes in front of all the avengers after just proving he wasn’t weak, he couldn’t shy away at such a normal activity.

Nat picked the shirt, telling him the dark red went well with his complexion and hair. Bucky just nodded along like that meant something, he hadn’t tanned in ages and the last time he’d seen his skin it had glowed white.

He climbed into his fitted pants, buttoning up his shirt and standing downcast in front of Nat. She gripped his hand, tugging him into the bathroom.

“Look.”

He knew he was standing in front of the mirror, could see the shift of his reflection.  
“I don’t wanna...”

“Please...for me..for Becca...for Steve.”

He expanded his chest full, whipping his eyes up and darting them away...he did a double take, shyly looking at himself as if expecting a torrent of abuse.

His hair was long, but clean and thick, swept back on his head, his skin was indeed paler than before, but not sickly. Purple no longer clung to his under eye and the scars, even the one on his lips had morphed to silver lines, so slight they were unnoticeable unless you were searching for them.

“See...” Nat said childishly.

His reflection wasn’t as bad as he’d feared, if that’s what he looked like to others it wasn’t so cringe worthy. Bucky raked his nails over his jaw-

“You-you think it’ll look good if I trim it down another grade.”

Nat smiled, flashing her pearly teeth, her forehead pressed between his shoulder blades before she chuckled.  
“Yes Bucky...I think it would.”

He shaved his facial hair, styling it and humming in approval. 

“Erm Nat, could you cut a bit off for me?”

He tugged his brown strands so she understood.

She cut his hair in silence, but Bucky could see her grinning in the mirror, he was pretty sure he saw tears in her eyes too.

“Does it look that bad?”

“No,” she hiccupped with a laugh, “looks good, you look good.”

He wasn’t what he was, but that wasn’t so bad....

 

No one looked at him in the club, except from Steve who couldn’t stop looking. It wasn’t pity, or concern, it was unmasked lust and that made Bucky’s insides flip with excitement.

When Nat asked him to dance, he did with no hesitation and when she flicked her head at Steve, he grinned and made his way over.

 

Then the kiss moment happened, and the day soured. He wanted to tell Steve it was alright, close contact like that would take him time and trust, but the blonde ripped away from his body, disappearing from the club.  
He sank back on a stool at the table, gutted by himself and frustrated by Steve’s reaction. He had thought he was aroused from him, but maybe he wasn’t, maybe watching Nat dancing had gotten him hard-  
But, he was the one that leaned for the kiss...  
Was Steve’s mind at war? Half wanting Bucky and half being repulsed by him.

“Stop that right now.” Nat said, prodding his shoulder.

“What?”

She sat down, gripping onto his knee, “you’ve had a great day....been...yourself, don’t go back down that road...”

“Steve left-

“...what happened?”

“I think- I think he tried to kiss me and I pulled away.”

Nat bobbed her head for him to continue.

“Then I tried to tell him, I’m okay...just the kissing part might need work, he was gone, running off.”

“He’s worried he’ll fuck up...and in so doing...he fucks up.”

“Does he even see my like that? Or am I making an idiot outta myself.”

“I’m not certain of much in life...but I am certain he’s in to you...wants you...I’d go as far as saying he’s in love with you...he’s just scared to death he’s gunna screw it up.”

Bucky slouched in his seat, breathing deep through his nose.  
This occasion he didn’t agree with his best friend. He scratched at his chin before standing up abruptly.

“What you doing?”

“Taking initiative by the balls.”

 

He didn’t give himself time to think, setting himself the task of getting back to the tower and Steve’s door. He’d fallen for Steve, even with his chaotic mind he knew that...what he didn’t know was if Steve felt the same. Did Steve desire him, was it a lingering guilt complex making him extra protective. Bucky didn’t even know for sure if Steve liked men that way.

He breathed deep, letting out a slow breath before knocking. Steve opened, slapping an apologetic mask on, before he could speak Bucky shushed him.

“I know I’m messed up-

“You’re not-

Bucky stopped him with a glare, “the night with Brock...screwed me up, made me...second guess, that- that kinda intimacy.”

He gestured to his mouth so Steve could understand.

“I’ve never felt that terrified and helpless in my life.”

Steve took a step forward, arms reaching out but Bucky pushed him in the chest-

“So, in my head...I kinda worry...it’ll happen again...the kissing..erm, that’s gunna take a while.”

God he felt like an idiot. Exposing himself to either be excepted or rejected.

“But...I really want you Steve, like...a lot. And I just thought I’d tell ya that...”  
He backed up to the still open door, he’d said his peace, got the words out he had wanted to stay at the club.

“Coffee?” Steve blurted.

A laugh struggled through his mouth, “yeah...that’ll be great.”

Steve jogged to the kitchen, flicking the switch on the machine.

He turned, eyeing Bucky like he had in the club, the interest and dazed wonder.  
“You-you look real good.” Steve whispered.

Bucky looked down at himself. He’d picked the shirt with Nat’s help, she said burgundy was a good colour for him. It had been oddly satisfying putting it on, able to slot buttons through holes now he had two hands.

Steve was shifting, his cheeks had pinkened and he kept licking at his lips. The coffee announced it was done but Steve didn’t seem to notice.

He had bared his soul to Steve, but still didn’t know what the other man was thinking, whether he was interested.

Bucky channelled every ounce of focus he possessed from the army, every seductive mask he had learned from stripping. This was the ultimate test to see if Steve felt the same or if he was reading his signals wrong. If it was the latter, he would run, start again somewhere far far away.

In the centre of the room, with Steve’s eyes on him, he began unbuttoning his shirt. A narrow column of his skin showed and Steve’s eyes had stuck to it, Bucky saw the large gulp he took.

He let the material slip off his shoulder slowly, pooling at the floor. His torso was on show, he blocked out the scars and thought of what attractive qualities he did have. He’d built his muscles back up, there was a dusting off dark hair on his pecs and chest. He didn’t have to wax for the cobra anymore.

He knew his stomach was flat, small trailing of hair that went below his waistline. He wasn’t what he once was, he was different, inside and out. But there was hunger in Steve’s face and it made his cock thicken. The blonde was watching unblinking, the only movement he made was swallowing...a lot.

Next Bucky unhooked the latch on his pants, taking down the zip slowly. There was defiantly a squeak from the kitchen where Steve stood, glancing up Bucky could see he had stooped forward, balancing himself on the counter between them. He looked like a tiger ready to leap the gap.

The pants slipped down his legs, and he stepped out of them, nudging them with his foot to the side.  
His shorts were tented, could see the blondes eyes zooming in on that area, seeing how aroused Bucky was removing his clothing for Steve.

The socks quickly followed, there was no sexy way of removing them really, he did so without breaking eye contact. Steve’s body was heaving, from meters away Bucky could see his jugular throbbing in his neck. They were all good signs.

He slipped his thumbs either side of his shorts, slowly tugging them down, Steve was swaying, muttering breathless curses Bucky couldn’t quite hear, but still he made no move towards Bucky.

The shorts landed on Bucky’s ankle and he stepped out, sweeping them to the side with his foot. There he was standing stark naked in front of Steve Rogers. A feral looking Steve Rogers who’s nails dug into the marble countertop. The only sound was the splitting of the surface under Steve iron grip and the gulping of air.

Steve’s attention was on his exposed cock, sticking ridged from his body. He knew it was leaking, felt it when he removed his shorts, that was new....he’d never got that aroused stripping at the club, or when Alex insisted a private showing.

The time stretched, Steve had frozen, his body was heaving and his jaw was set but there was no movement towards the goal.

Bucky felt the prickle of self-consciousness. Steve wasn’t rushing over to take him, he’d put himself completely at his mercy and he wasn’t reacting...didn’t want him. Shit, he had got it wrong, got it all wrong.

He twirled sharply, facing away and scurrying for his shorts, fuck he had ruined their friendship, had screwed up big time.  
Steve slammed into his bare back, wrapping his arms around and stilling Bucky’s frantic hands. He removed the shorts from his grip, letting them drop back onto the pile of clothes.

“Wait, wait wait....”

They rocked forward and back, Steve holding him to his chest. He was still panting, right at the base of Bucky’s neck and it made him shiver.

“Can I-Please...let me touch you.”  
It came out a desperate whine, Bucky couldn’t reply verbally, just bobbed his head in case Steve had tried to formulate a question.

Fingers mapped his skin, feeling the dips and rivets. Bucky leaned back into Steve hold, angling his neck to the side. Steve didn’t need much encouragement, he started laying kisses along the responsive skin. Bucky was shivering, his whole body waved with pimples at the caresses.

“This okay?” Steve breathed.

Bucky groaned a yes in reply, closing his eyes and feeling the touches to his body. Embarrassment didn’t register in his head when he whined low in his throat. Steve’s hand had dropped down, taking hold of his hot skin, he drowned Steve’s hand in pre-cum, unable to stop his needing body.

“You’re something else.” Steve breathed into his skin, licking along Bucky’s shoulder where the metal met the man.

If it wasn’t for Steve holding onto him, he would’ve pooled on the floor just like his clothing. Steve’s mouth and tongue on his neck, one arm, stroking his chest and following his muscles and the other enjoying how excited it could make Bucky’s cock. Standing required too much effort, he left it to Steve to hold him up and shivered in pleasure. Focussing on all the areas Steve was making feel good.

Steve was groaning, swearing huskily in his neck. He was raging hard, grinding into Bucky’s back with vigour.  
In the middle of the apartment Steve got him off, hugging Bucky, mouth glued to his neck and hand working him fast.

It felt so perfect to come apart from this mans touch, to release with a shuddering climax into his hand.

“Jesus Buck...your gorgeous.”

He didn’t roll his internal eyes like he normally did, when Steve called him gorgeous he felt like he was. He was turned around, Steve’s eyes had blackened, they dropped to his lips for a minute before he pulled them away.

Bucky lay a kiss to his cheek in apology, that was the nearest he could get without a possible freak out.  
Steve was still hard, Bucky darted a look down before licking his lips. He wanted to make Steve feel that good, needed to prove to himself he could.

“Can I suck you off?” He purred.

Steve’s eyes rolled in their sockets-  
“Fuuuck.”  
Steve staggered back, the look on his face was almost shy, Steve Rogers being shy somehow boosted Bucky’s confidence.

“You ever been sucked off Steve?”

His flushed cheeks were the only answer Bucky needed.

“I’ll make it good for ya.”

Steve groaned again, fingers scrabbling at Bucky’s hips.  
“You don’t haveta Buck, can wait, I can wait.”

Bucky whined in his throat, “But I can’t, I really really want to.”

He was pouting, knowing his teasing voice was effecting Steve. He backed him over to the wall, sinking down to the floor with another needy groan.

Steve bit his wrist, muffling his moan, his other hand pushed against Bucky’s forehead, keeping him at bay.  
“Jssssst a sec Buck- or ‘m gunna come.”

He growled at the hand keeping him away, moving his head so he could nip the fingers, draw each one in his mouth in turn and suck on them.

“Buck, gotta let me get my head-

“’m trying to get your head, your stupid hands stopping me, please Steve.”

The hand stopping him weakened, and he took the opportunity to nuzzle forward, relishing in Steve’s desperate breaths.  
“Fuuuckk.”

The hand no longer resisted, it cupped the back of his head and drew him forward. Bucky’s hands gripped the waist band inching it down. Every section of skin exposed Bucky lathed his tongue at, smiling at Steve’s needy groans.

Of course Steve would have the most perfect cock possible, it was a crime it hadn’t been sucked off before. The thought made Bucky’s stomach flip, his own cock thicken with interest again. He was going to be Steve’s first.

“Am I the first to taste you?”

Steve went to groan a reply but Bucky leaned in, licking him an stealing his breath with a single swipe.

“Taste so good.”

A shiver ran through Steve’s body, Bucky felt it rattle through his knees all the way to his toes.  
Smiling, Bucky leaned in again, pushing his lips out and kissing the tip, another shiver erupted from Steve, the skin of his thighs had pimpled pulling tight.

“So sensitive...”

Steve sobbed, gnawing at his wrist again when Bucky gave his cock a slower kiss.

“’m gunna enjoy this...”

Steve was shifting restlessly, eyes closed with his eyelashes fanning, his face scrunched each time Bucky licked or kissed him, a shudder ran his flesh and his face relaxed when Bucky drew back.

“Relax Steve...”

He grumbled, looking pissed, “’m trying hard not to come-

Bucky didn’t let him finish, stretched his mouth open with Steve’s cock, tongue lapping the underside in time with his movements, sucking greedily on the tip.

Steve was swearing, gripping onto the wall so he wouldn’t fall. He chanted Bucky’s name, voice growing more pitchy each shout.

Bucky wasn’t going to stop the punishing pace, he knew Steve was bordering the edge when his cock swelled bigger, desperate for relief. He tiptoed his metal hand up Steve’s skin, circling a nipple before tweaking it.

Steve opened his mouth but only a breathless squeak came out. He was coming, deep down Bucky’s throat, he swallowed it, amazed by the amount and the force it came out at.

“How-how was that?” He asked, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth.

Steve was flushed, blue eyes glassy as he curled over and panted. Bucky sat back on his heels, keeping Steve secured to the wall by his hips.

“You alright?”

He didn’t answer, slid down the wall to the floor and reached for Bucky, pulling him flush with his body in a hug.  
“Bastard.” He puffed out and Bucky’s eyebrows shot up in confusion. “Teasing me like that...” Steve explained.

Bucky shrugged, rendering Steve speechless had inflated his barely there ego. Steve found him attractive, without hurling a torrent of abuse Steve got raging hard with a look at Bucky.

“How was your first blow job Steve?”

“’m still panting...”

Bucky grinned smugly, kissing Steve’s cheek gently.

Steve glanced down, “your hard again...?”

Bucky glanced down too, “looks like it.”

It was Steve’s turn to grin smugly, “guess I should help you out...”

“Guess you should...”

Eventually they made it to the bedroom, not before long make-out sessions on the couch, the kitchen...the back of the door.

They climbed into the shower when they thought a clean up was needed, but ended up getting each other off in the spray, snogging the shit outta each other’s body’s and neck, but not lips, never mouths.

When they did make it to the bed, the most comfortable place to perform those activities, they were too tired. Steve shuffled up behind Bucky, laying kisses on the back of his neck and stroking his hair.

For the first time in forever Bucky fell asleep with a smile, feeling filed to the brim with an emotion close to love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this part, I enjoyed writing it.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky you are a clumsy-guy when it comes to heights...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd mistakes my own.  
> Thanks for kudos and comments, much love x

The Captain America aspect of his life was always fulfilled, from the war till now he fought side by side with friends to eradicate the evils of the world. Captain America was admired, a public figure as well as an American asset. He was what the world needed him to be, self-sacrificing, patriotic and always standing up for the weak.

For the first time ever, Steve Rogers felt complete too. Bucky had rolled over in the night, forehead tucking to Steve’s neck. A giddiness expanded in his chest, butterfly’s flapping excitedly in his body, beating there wings trying to escape, he almost laughed at their tickle. He grinned like a moron remembering the night before, being taken over by such lust, each time Bucky gasped his name, love reared up, made Steve lean to kiss him, he had to make do with sucking and licking his neck and collarbone but with trust and patience Steve knew they would be alright.

Bucky shifted, lips brushing Steve’s skin when he mumbled, “I can feel you staring at me...”

“Can’t help it.”

The brunette snuggled closer, trying to hide his face in Steve’s body. “Stop it...”

“I like looking at you.”

He felt Bucky roll his eyes and chuckled, he gripped the other mans arms, pulling him over so he was laying flush on top of Steve. Chest to chest, naked skin to naked skin, Steve buzzed with happiness, squeezing his arms around Bucky and kissing the hair on his head. Best feeling ever, that and having Bucky draw orgasms from his body with his mouth and hands, and that was second behind doing those activity’s to Bucky, having him shuddering in his arms and panting for air.

“Oi don’t get any ideas...I don’t heal as fast as you, you’ll have to give my cock a rest for a day or two.”

Steve made a grumpy snort before ruffling Bucky hair.  
“S’okay, I just wanna hold ya right now.”  
Because clinging on to the man he adored was the best, most overwhelming feeling ever.

“You’re a soppy idiot.” Bucky muttered.

Steve didn’t reply with the words he wanted to, didn’t want to declare his love with Bucky still half asleep on his chest, but he gripped tighter, kissing the top of Bucky’s head again.

A blaring siren started up and Bucky shot up in alarm. Steve climbed from the warmth of their bed.

“Duty calls.”

Bucky slumped back onto the mattress, “go get ‘em Cap.”

Steve hesitated, wanting to say more, wanting to freeze the image of Bucky in his bed forever.

“Sir...” Jarvis chirped.

“Yep, on my way.”

He took off through the apartment, out the door and into the elevator, the universe couldn’t let them have one sweet moment together, some asshole had to rear their ugly head and stop Steve from telling Bucky how he felt. 

Even though he was about to gallop out and take on whatever selfish bastard had appeared, he grinned with his cheeks rounding to apples. Hopefully he could get this situation all wrapped up, if he did it quick enough Bucky might still be snoozing in bed and Steve could clamber back in and snuggle up.

He suited up in the basement, Sam at his side, giving him that look that said ‘spill.”

“Bucky stayed at mine last night...”

Sam punched his shoulder with a laugh, “about time.”

Steve was flushing, blushing....he was pretty much on fire, he had to focus, sink into the role of the captain, he straightened up, breathing deep.  
“What we got?”

“Thor’s brought back some intergalactic hostiles.”

“And there was me looking forward to seeing him.”

Sam laughed, sprinting towards the other elevator, one that was only used for these moments.  
It took them straight to the roof, the quinjet was revving its engine with Bruce at the helm.

“There causing havoc down town.”  
Sam and Steve hopped on, buckling in behind Bruce.

“Where’s Tony?”

“He’s already there.”

Steve grumbled, they were supposed to arrive together, take on the threat as a unit but Tony never stuck to the plan.  
Cars were burnt out, glass glittered the pavements and blinding light flashed in the sky. The hostiles clambered buildings with easy, able to climb with suckers on their hands. There were hundreds, lightening fast leaping building to building.

Steve swung his shield, taking three down with his bouncing throw. Sam swooped in the air, firing off rounds. Tony blasted them to the floor and Thor swung his mighty hammer down with a thunderous bout of lightning.

They sped past squealing, targeting Tony and leaping on him, the weight of them dragged him to the floor.  
Their teeth were needle sharp, scrapping at Tony’s metal suit, trying to puncture it.

Another Frisbee throw and the group attacking Tony dispersed. Each time they were hit down, each shot and blow from the shield, the creatures whimpered, retreating before lashing out again with healed bodies.  
The speed they could regenerate skin, flesh, even limbs staggered Steve, put his own healing ability to shame.

The creatures shrieked at each other, backing off, and then they vanished, disappearing down alleys and gaps in the buildings, able to climb any obstacles and vanishing.

“What the hell? The don’t die.” Sam yelled.

Steve swung his shield on his back, twirling round he spotted a woozy looking Thor.

“You’ve been bit.” Steve said, pointing to the wound at Thor’s neck-

“So have you.” He replied, patting Steve’s arm where a very obvious bite mark grew crimson.

Tony was quiet, he did that when he was discussing with Jarvis. He took off from the ground suddenly.  
“We need to get back to the tower...”  
His repulsers blasted, and he shot up into the sky. Sam and Steve each took one of Thor’s arms, helping him into the quinjet. The giant god swayed before slumping into a chair.

Sam strapped him in while Steve climbed to the front, crouching next to Bruce as the jet took off. Sam threw a bandage and Steve wrapped it around his stinging arm.

“Steve, those bites have side effects-  
He didn’t have time to care about the nip in his flesh he needed to know what was going at the tower.

“How’s the tower?”

“Jarvis is reporting damage to the building, -

“They are searching for something.” Thor grumbled, head unsteady on his shoulders.

There was a tick in Bruce’s jaw, Steve watched his throat as he swallowed slowly and faced away.

“What are they looking for?”

“A stone of power...” Thor muttered.

Steve widened his eyes, “riiiite, well I’m pretty sure if there was a stone of power, we would’ve noticed it.”

“It’s sacred to them, Stark stole it.”

Sam was giving Thor a pitying look, “you just rest man, think you banged your head pretty hard.”

Bruce growled at himself, skin flashing green before fleshing out again.

“What is it?”

“The stones in the tower-

“I’ve never seen it, think I’d notice a huge stone-

Bruce growled again, fingers popping and inflating in size, he managed to bring himself under control.  
“It’s small, their whole planet has piles of them, Tony thought they wouldn’t notice one missing.”

“Where is it?”  
Another teeth rattling roar erupted from green tinted lips, Steve gripped his head, turning him so they were face to face.

“Bruce, where’s the stone-

“It’s powering the arm.”

He didn’t need to specify what arm, Steve staggered back on his feet, the air in his lungs leaving in a rush-

“What-

“Tony thought it would be a good shortcut, the special reactor was proving difficult, this was a short term solution till it was ready. He wanted to help Bucky as quick as possible.”

Thor mumbled ‘what is a Bucky to Sam’ but Steve ignored it, trying to get his head around what Bruce was telling him.

“Those things are after Bucky?”

The creatures were crawling the building, smashing window as they searched-

“They’ll be able to sense it.” Thor gasped in pain.

“They must’ve realised Tony doesn’t have it-

“So there looking for someone who does...” Sam concluded.

Steve leapt from the quinjet before it had docked, rushing towards the elevator. The building shook, a mushroom cloud of smoke seeped up from the side of the building.  
Steve got in the elevator, fingers poised to stab at a floor, would he still be in Steve’s apartment, his apartment, the gym.

“Jarvis where is he?”

“He’s in your apartment sir.”

Button pressed, Steve paced the space like a caged animal, growling in annoyance.  
The door dinged, and he was immediately swamped by the creatures, hissing and snarling at him. He threw his shield, turned and smacked with his fists.

Smoke bellowed from the open door of the apartment, his eyes burned when he went inside, throat clogging with thick smoke.

“Bucky!”

He noted the creatures on the floor with knives sticking out of them, withering in pain. The blades popped out when they healed and they were up again on the offensive. Steve swung his shield, bouncing the vibranium off the walls. There was a flash of silver and his shield was caught by another person, thrown back like a Frisbee.

Bucky was the opposite side of the apartment, near the gaping window, juggling knives and throwing them at hostiles. When he was out, Steve tossed him the shield and they threw it back and forth knocking the creatures to the floor.

“What do they want?”

“Your arm!”

Bucky glared wide eyed, “my arm....”

“Its power source-

The room rocked with an explosion beneath them, more smoke bellowed and the walls creaked and whined.  
Bucky froze, eyes to the floor and even though there was roaring of fire, and the hissing and thudding of the creatures, sound faded to silence.

 

The floor under Bucky dropped, slipped. His arm scrambled for a hold on anything but everything was falling, taking him over the edge.  
Steve ran, stretching out, but it was no good, he wasn’t close enough, Bucky couldn’t make the reach.

He faded, got smaller as he dropped away from Steve's dangling hand. There would be no snow to search, no flurry cushion landing. They were fifty stories up, all that was below them was hard concrete to break his bones to mush, turn his flesh to pulp.

Steve swayed, leaning out of the hole in the building. The start of the day he felt complete, the first time ever he was truly happy, full. It had been destroyed, Bucky had been taken from him, he wouldn’t even be recognisable. Body smashed on the street below.  
He didn’t want to feel that loneliness again, he leaned forward, edging nearer to the drop, intending on following the brunette. It was the captain that made him slump back, he couldn’t do that with the eyes of the world watching, he couldn’t do that to his friends and teammates. He’d exist as an empty shell, Steve Rogers was gone but Captain America had to remain. 

He slumped, feeling the burn of tears escape his scrunched up face, the monsters hissed, the smell of burnt plastic soaked into his nose, and wind from the window froze his face. He felt his heart slowing, saw the edges of his vision strobe black, closing in on him. Perhaps he was going to die anyway, that wasn’t so bad as long as he saw Bucky again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter then an epilogue of sorts...


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's not wel...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I said one more chapter then the extra bit...I meant two more chapters...  
> Unbeta'd mistakes my own.  
> Trying to finish this fast so I can write something new :)

He stretched out for Steve but it was no good, the twisted metal he was clinging to broke and he fell, one second so close to Steve he could see the green tint in his eyes and the next second he was a dot in the sky and the wind was whistling through his hair. His back was to the pavement, an in the limited seconds he had, he was glad; he didn’t want to face the thing that was going to kill him; he wanted to stay looking at Steve for as long as possible.

The air ripped out of his lungs, his neck jolted painfully and he was traveling back the way he’d fallen with metal arms gripping his body. Tony flew him to the top of the tower, spinning him around and checking him over.

The creatures clambered over, hissing and snarling. Tony twisted the top of Bucky’s arm, yanking it down so he could access some of the inners, Bucky winced at the sharp pain and Tony apologised before ripping a round object from the limb. The arm sparked, wires twanged, and then in hung limp at Bucky’s side.

Tony tossed the object towards the creatures, they scurried to pick it up from the roof, Tony held his palm up in warning.  
“We’re done here.”

They hissed back and forth, snake tongues whipping the air before they retreated, over the edge of the tower.  
Tony relaxed, his helmet retracted, and he asked Bucky again if he was alright. Bucky nodded, taking Tony’s offered hand and getting to his feet.

“That was crazy.”

“Yeah well, got you just in time didn’t I.”  
The helmet rebuilt around Tony and he went silent, eye flashing yellow.

“Erm, hello?” Bucky asked.

The metal retracted from Tony's face again, “Jarvis said Steve and Thor are in the medical bay.”

At Steve’s name Bucky was running, metal hand swinging-

“It’s quicker if we fly.”

Bucky nodded eagerly, gripping on with his good arm. 

 

The second Bucky walked into the hospital room he froze, Steve lay in bed, deathly white, tube under his nose helping him to breathe. His eyes were shut, un-twitching and still.

Bruce gripped hold of Bucky’s arm, “he’s stable.”

Bucky hadn’t even realised he was shaking until Bruce stilled his quaking limb.  
“Wha-what happened?”

Bruce scratched at his head, “poison, from the bites-

“When will he wake up?”

The slow breath Bruce released wasn’t comforting, neither was the apologetic shrug of his shoulders.  
“Have to wait...”

He joined the seat next to Sam, Tony and Pepper were on the other side of the bed, all waiting eagerly for a sign Steve was going to be okay.

 

Bucky was never any good at waiting, despair grew by the hour, Nat tried to get him to leave the room but he couldn’t, he needed to know Steve was going to be alright.

“Becca’s been calling, she’s gunna fly here if you don’t pick up.”

He sighed, leaving the room but watching through the small round window.

“Bucky, are you alright? I saw the attack on the news.”

“I-I’m fine-

“Bucky...” She used the same tone of voice as their mother.

“Okay, physically I’m alright,” he sighed loudly, “emotionally I’m a mess...Steve’s in hospital.”

There was a gulp of breath on the end of the line, “Is he gunna be okay?”

The panic in her voice had Bucky straightening up, getting his own emotions in gear.  
“Waiting for him to wake, he’s a tough guy...”

“The toughest,” Becca agreed, “have faith Bucky, he’ll wake soon.”  
He didn’t tell her Steve had been bitten by one of the mutant creatures and that venom was keeping him in a state of unconsciousness.

“I’m gunna get a flight tonight-

“No!...he’ll be okay.”

They had both been shaken up seeing their own parents unconscious in hospital beds, and Becca had said when she visited after the fall it was like walking into a nightmare. He didn’t want her to feel like that again, helplessly watching as someone she cared about edged away.

“I was thinking about you dufus.”

“Oh...I’m alright...the avengers are looking out for me, and I’ve got Nat...and Steve will bounce back in no time.”

“If you’re sure....want you to phone me everyday.”

“I will.”

They traded long winded goodbyes, and the call ended, Bucky banged his head on the door before plodding back into the room and reclaiming his bedside seat.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next day Bucky was woken by an odd smell, almost like gone off milk.

“Pancakes.” Sam announced from behind him, giving Bucky a plate and cutlery.

“Erm...thanks...”

Sam smiled, settling in the seat next to Bucky, “Steve loves ‘em.”

Despite the sombre situation Bucky laughed.

Sam frowned in confusion, “what is it?”

Bucky had to wipe the smile from his face with his palm, “naah, Steve told me once how he can’t get enough of your pancakes.”

Sam glowed at the compliment, raising a fork in salute to Steve, “aww thanks.”

“Yeah, said he’d have them three times a day if he could.”

“He only has to ask.” Sam announced joyfully.

Bucky bunched his lips together, smugly smiling at the blonde in the bed, “tell ya what as soon as he wakes, bet he’ll like a whole stack of ‘em.”

“I’ll be sure to make them, now less talk Bucky, eat your breakfast.”

The smug expression plastered to his face dropped, Sam was waiting, flicking his head for Bucky to eat up the pancakes.  
Steve was right, they tasted horrid, an acidic taste clung to the back of his throat.

“So what d’you think?”

Sam was smiling brightly, leaning forward in his chair waiting.

Bucky coughed, forcing the last mouthful down, “Bloody Amazing.”

Sam boomed a laugh, hand clapping Bucky’s shoulder and squeezing.

“That’s what I’m talking about!”

_________________________________________________________________________________

The next afternoon, Nat joined in watching Steve, she had finished her shift, still wearing her black fitted dress and coffee shop hat.  
Bucky plucked it from her head and Nat rolled her eyes.

“Wanted to check on you first-

“When you say you...you mean Steve right.”

She looked sadly at the blonde in the bed, “he’s gunna be fine, Bruce said the poisons wearing off.”

“But he isn’t waking up-

“Neither has Thor, and he’s a god.”

Bucky folded over in the chair, gripping his hair with his one hand, the metal one still lay limp at his side.

“I-I didn’t get to tell him...how I feel bout him, how I owe him my happiness.”

Nat punched him in the shoulder, “you tell him when he wakes up.”

“If he does.”

He winced at the next punch, “can’t you hit the other side...”

“Nope, not breaking a bone, metal man.”

She tugged her phone from her bag, a slow ballad blared out and Bucky raised his eyebrow.

“Shut up and dance with me.”

“I’ve only got the one arm.”

Nat tugged him to his feet, “I don’t care James.”

The dancing was nothing like what they did at the cobra, or the club from days ago. They swayed, both Nat’s arms around Bucky and his holding on to Nat. At some point his light hold became a clutch, his head dropped to her shoulder, and he was crying with her rubbing his back.

He’d finally got some peace and happiness in his life and it was resting on the edge of a knife, a tipping point into crippling despair or joy. The waiting was killing him.

Another day ended without Steve so much as twitching, the machines beeped reassuringly and Bruce told him everything was fine but still he didn’t flash those beautiful eyes.

Bucky leaned in, brushing his lips across Steve’s face, he pressed his mouth to Steve’s cheek, pulling back and hoping there was some movement but there was nothing.

He tried again, kissing the edge of Steve’s mouth, he wasn’t intimidated or fearful, in fact he prayed he’d feel pressure back. Nothing.  
He sighed in frustration, finally touching his lips to Steve’s dry ones, applying pressure, he did again, pecking his mouth, giving firmer pressure but still nothing happened.

He sniffled, wiping at his leaking tears before laughing at himself.  
“Who’s the soppy one now hey, thinking I could wake you up with a dumb kiss.”  
He wished to hear Steve laugh and tell him he was an idiot but his only reply was the steady beat of the monitor.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Day five of bedside visual, Tony wheeled a tray into the room, covered in tools and wires.  
“So, while you’re here and before you damage the arm, thought I’d fix it....”

Bucky turned so Tony had access, and the shoving and shaking started again, tools clomped down and sparks spritzed from the arm.  
“Thank you for...for catching me.”

Tony’s enthusiastic humming faded, “no problem...almost didn’t get to you in time.”

“But you did.” Bucky reminded.

Tony was wearing the same distant expression Steve sometimes did.-  
“Now I know how Steve felt...being helpless....those things were after you because of me, Steve got hurt because of me-

“Steve’s gunna be fine.”

Tony turned towards Steve in the bed, “he better be....we need you Steve.”

He started his overly joyful humming again, using Bucky’s arm as a positive distraction, once it was done he flexed the limb, curling the fingers and relaxing them again.

“Thank you Tony.”

“Don’t mention it.” He said, pushing the trolley out of the room.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

The news that Thor woke up spread hope in everyone’s chest, the great god had been helped by the touch of his mighty hammer.

“Can’t make that shit up.” Bucky whispered into Steve’s ear.

The avengers had gathered around Steve’s bed, Sam presented the shield to the unconscious man. He moved Steve’s hands to feel the shield, the cold vibranium, and then they all waited, silently watching for some reaction.

It never came, one by one each avenger left till just Clint and Bucky remained.

“Not to be rude, but I think your stink did that.”

Bucky took an extended blink, glaring at Clint till his hands shot up in surrender, “Just saying, when was the last time you had a shower...or slept...”

Bucky sagged, his body felt utterly exhausted and his eyes burned from the lack of sleep.

“He’ll still be here, go have a shower and a kip.”

Clint opened the door for him, waving his hand at the space. Bucky stood, took a step towards Clint before spinning round, gripping both of Steve’s hands, metal fingers and flesh ones slotting with Steve’s warm ones.

He ducked his head, giving Steve a firm slow kiss on the lips, before pulling back and nuzzling his nose against the blondes.

“Eskimo kiss.” He whispered.

“See, you need sleep, acting like a loved up git, where’s my ninja gone?”

Bucky smiled, getting near enough to pinch Clint.

“Ouch.”

“Just testing the new arm.” He said with a pout.

He didn’t last long in the shower, the warm current pulled every last sap of energy from him, non stop yawning he climbed from the cubical. He was on a different floor while Tony repaired the damaged building. It had none of his and Nat’s messy possessions, or clothes screwed up in heaps, it was cold like a show home.

The one thing Tony let him collect from his room was the pyjamas Steve had given him. Only to borrow, but there was no way Bucky was giving them back. He tugged them on, trying to catch a hint of Steve’s scent, it was long gone.  
Bucky threw himself down on the pillow, he didn’t even have time to cry or sob, that required more energy than his body was left with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :) big looooove


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve wakes up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd, mistakes painfully mine.  
> Love for those reading :) <3

There were shadows, wisps of voices but it was too hard for Steve to grasp on to them, he was dunked back into a deep fuzzy sleep. He felt drained, all energy and power suddenly gone, he sunk into a world between awareness and nothing.  
Pressure between his fingers, both cold and warm. His lips tingled, lighting up from a firm press. Then his nose sparked up with awareness.

“Eskimo kiss.”

The voice hushed, Steve knew who had said that before. Before the cliff fell and panic ripped through his body. Bucky, his mind was replaying the moment with the brunette, blistering his already burnt out heart. Bucky was gone, had fallen from the tower, shattering on impact with the road.

Except, Steve’s fingers still tingled with fading contact, one hand the gaps between digits were warm like flesh, the other hand coldness prickled the delicate skin, that of metal.

Cliff top Bucky never had a metal hand, never linked his fingers through Steve’s at all. The nose nudging embrace lingered, it wasn’t cool like that day, the skin had been warm when it touched, his face had tickled, tiny hairs on his cheeks being brushed by something soft. 

Bucky’s hair, it was longer than it had been that day, able to reach Steve’s face when he leaned.

And...before that nuzzling nose, there had been pressure on his mouth, a slow kiss from hot lips. They never kissed that day on the cliff, they hadn’t kissed anytime after.

That sensation was very new, and his heart recognised the lock of his lover, a kiss that would’ve taken love and trust. Bucky had kissed him, built up the courage to do it, he couldn’t of died if he could do that.

He knew his mind wasn’t playing tricks, the voice’s he heard pervious, cleared, as if water clogging his ears had finally emptied. Bucky was alive, Bucky had kissed him and being the idiot he was he hadn’t kissed back.

He forced his lashes to open, blinking in the hazy light of the room, he reached his arm out to his side where the voice had been before, but there was no one there.

“Easy, Steve.” Bruce stood to his left, holding his shoulders to the bed, “Just breathe, there’s no rush.”

“Bucky-“ He gasped, recoiling at his own crackly voice.

“He’s fine, worried about you but fine.”

Steve tried to shuffle from Bruce’s grip, he needed to find him-

“Stop struggling right now or I’ll sedate you.”  
The green breaking in Bruce’s irises told Steve he was serious, he relaxed back onto the bed.  
“Water.” Bruce said, holding a cup.

He gripped too hard, spilling half of it down his lopsided mouth-

“No rush Steve, you rush and hurt yourself it’ll be even longer before you can see him.”

Deep steady breaths iced through his throat, he shut his eyes allowing sensation to return to his body.  
“He fell- from the tower.”

Eyes still shut, Bruce gripped his hand, “Tony caught him.”

“The creatures?”

“They got the stone from the arm, Bucky is fine and they left.”

Finally able to open his eyes again, Steve focussed on Bruce who scribbled on a clipboard.  
“How long have I been out?

“Six days.”

Steve mouthed it back to Bruce in shock and the other man nodded apologetically.

“You took your time coming back Cap, Thor beat you to it, woke up yesterday.”

Steve frowned, “Thor was hurt?”

“You were both bitten, lost consciousness from the bites. Thor’s hammer woke him up, guess the shield worked for you after all.”

Steve flexed his hands, feeling the ghost of metal and flesh fingers.  
“Where is Bucky?”

“Another apartment in the tower while the building work goes on, although its the first time he’s gone in there, he’s been sat at your bed side most of the time. Started to get worried, he hasn’t slept in days and I was edging toward sedating him for some rest.”

The door burst open and in bounded Tony and Sam.

“Thank god!” Sam yelled, gripping Steve’s shoulder.  
Bruce coughed in annoyance.  
“Oh and you too Bruce.”  
He bowed dramatically, then rolled his eyes.

“Steve, ‘m really sorry I didn’t tell you about the arm, I thought it would give him some confidence back so I rushed it.”

He hated to admit that he believed some of Bucky’s confidence was down to the metal arm, able to function how he had before, but he almost died because of it, had those creatures attacking the tower for it.

In the end Steve sighed loudly, “Just don’t keep secrets from me.”

Tony saluted, “I’m gunna go tell Pepper the good news.”

He left with a sad smile, leaving the excited Sam by Steve’s side.  
“You were out like a light, you remember anything?”

“Voices...yours...and Bucky’s.”

Sam nodded, “yeah made him some breakfast, that reminds me, you got a whole stack of pancakes coming your way.”

“What, why?”

“Bucky said you love ‘em, three times a day he said you’d have them.”

Little shit Steve thought before laughing.

“What is it?”

Steve shook his head, waving away Sam’s puzzled expression.

Sam glanced round the room, “has no one told Bucky yet?”

Bruce hummed, “Jarvis tried, but he’s fast asleep, even the AI didn’t want to wake him.”

“Bloody wakes me.” Sam griped, “does so for no reason sometimes.”

“That’s because Tony thinks your anger is funny.” Bruce added.  
With the doctors back to him, Steve swung his legs from the bed, standing on weak legs.  
“Hold on-

“I have, but now I want to go see him.”

Sam steadied the wobbling man, darting worried looks back and forth.

“So what is it Bruce? You gunna take this IV out or will I have to rip it out.”

Bruce sighed putting the clipboard on the bed, “always so dramatic.”

A small pinch and the IV was out, the last thing tethering Steve to the room. His steps were uncoordinated, Bruce watched like a hawk while Sam chuckled at the drunk acting Steve.

“Wait till there not numb.”

Steve did as suggested, pacing a few circles of the room to satisfy Bruce.  
“There I’m done.”

“No arguing with you is there Steve...”

“Look I’m sorry for being awkward but I really got to see him.”

Bruce nodded in acceptance, letting Steve jog past.  
“Any problems come straight back.”

Steve didn’t have time to reply, he was rushing towards the elevator, positively vibrating with anticipation.

Six days had past, six days late to climb into bed with the still snoozing Bucky, to pull him into his arms and stroke his hair.

He realised he’d been staring at the buttons in the elevator far too long.  
“Erm Jarvis...can you take me to Bucky’s floor....”

“Of course sir.”  
The door shut and Steve stalked the small area, fingers brushing his lips where he knew Bucky had kissed him.

Bucky was sprawled over the bed, hadn’t even climbed under the comforter before passing out. Steve recognised his clothing and his stomach did a warm flip and he staggered at the sudden fuzziness.

He decided on not climbing onto the mattress, not waking Bucky in a potential threatening stance. Instead he crouched next to the bed, stoking the hair from Bucky’s face.  
“Hey.” He hushed.

Bucky’s face immediately scrunched and he rolled backwards, facing the ceiling with a snort.

Steve smiled, whispering for Bucky to wake up.

He grumbled again, curling away from Steve before shooting up so suddenly he collided with the headboard.  
“Steve...”

He repeated the name again with a gasp, before glancing around the room looking very confused.  
“Steve?”

“Yeah, Buck...I woke up, Bruce let me go.”

Wasn’t really a lie, Bruce had let him go eventually...

The brunette still looked stunned, confused and bloody tired. Steve felt guilty for waking him, he could see the red lines in the whites of his eyes and the light in the room was low.

Bucky pinched himself with an ouch before reaching tentatively towards Steve.  
“Am I actually awake? If not please go away, I prefer my messed up nightmares to having you here but not here-

“I am here,” Steve said with a slight laugh. He gripped and tugged the neck of his hospital gown tearing it away. “I woke up....six days hey, better have a shower.”

Bucky shook his head, shuffling along the bed to give Steve room, “don’t go.”

Stark naked without the gown he stooped over the bed, arms holding him up.  
“Can I join you?”

“Think if you don’t I’m gunna do some ugly crying...” he whispered shyly.

Bucky gulped, still unsure. His metal palm pressed to Steve’s chest and he shivered at the contact.

“Cold.” He explained, but Bucky didn’t hear, stoking his hand along Steve’s chest.

“Was so worried.”

Steve edged closer, able to feel the heat of his body, “I’m okay now Buck.”

He stretched his hand out and Bucky leaned in to it, letting it cup his face, before sliding his face along Steve’s arm and into a hug.  
“Jesus Steve, don’t do that again-

“Could say the same to you too, falling from great heights, I almost lost ya Buck, and I can’t lose you.”  
Bucky hugged back tighter, soothing Steve from his verging melt down.  
“I saw you fall, I never want to see that again, I couldn’t get to you...”

Bucky shushed him before he completely lost it, his heart was picking up and his flesh had begun to twitch.  
“I’m still here Steve, Tony caught me, and the time before you saved me....Steve, I was a douche bag when we met, I wasn’t a nice person in any way and I deserved what happened to me and the shit I went through-  
Steve went to interrupt but a palm found its way to his mouth to stop him.  
“I-I don’t regret the fall, I don’t think of it and feel unhappy...it’s the opposite, cuz in the end I got you, I got here in this tower, I got a sense of myself again...so thank you...”

Bucky looked like he was about to say something else, palm still slapped to Steve’s mouth, but Steve couldn’t wait anymore. He forced ‘I love you’ through muffling fingers.

Bucky’s hand snatched away and he gawped at Steve, “what did you say?”

“I told you I love you.”  
His face scrunched, eyes darted and Steve could see the internal battle of disbelief-  
“I do- so much Buck.”

Bucky rolled on top, shuffling his way up and caging Steve’s head with his forearms. His attention was glued to Steve’s lips and the blonde gripped the sheet below himself for an anchor and waited.

“Love you too Steve.”

Bucky’s big eyes rounded, and he inched forward connecting their lips without ever shutting them. Steve’s heart galloped, he slowed his breathing down best he could and let Bucky lay small kisses on his mouth without reacting.

Bucky’s cautious approach gained more confidence, he kissed longer, sucking Steve’s bottom lip into his mouth and applying pressure to the skin. There was the barest taste of Bucky, but it wasn’t enough, he wanted more, and the next time Bucky sucked on his lip he did the same. Mirroring Bucky touch for touch, taste for taste. He was extra gentle when their tongues lashed, he’d read the medical report Tony had gained and he wasn’t going to cause him any more distress, he wasn’t going to force his wants on Bucky.

They traded lips leisurely at first before Bucky picked up the pace and Steve followed unable to help himself. Bucky rolled over with little persuasion, back to the bed so Steve could lay on top.

“This okay?” Steve husked.

Bucky nodded before stilling and averting his gaze, “Juss, no biting...”

Steve gripped his face gently, tilting his face so he couldn’t hide, “I’ll never hurt you...you know that right...”

“I know, because your good-

Steve shook his head with a sad frown, “No, cuz you don’t deserve to be hurt, you deserve to be happy. An I promise I’ll make you happy.”  
Bucky blinked, Steve noticed the swelling of tears and wiped them off his lashes with his thumb.

“Sappy idiot, now you got me crying.”

“As long as there good tears.”

Bucky nodded eagerly leaning up and giving Steve a kiss that was returned with enthusiasm.

He nuzzled his face against Bucky’s, happily brushing his chin along the prickled jaw, he delved back in for a kiss, before knocking the top of his nose against the brunettes. His giddiness had him pressing kisses all over the other man’s face, firm but brief. Bucky tried to catch them but Steve was quick to move his attention to another bit of skin.

Bucky’s eyes had shut and he was emitting a noise close to purring, not the groans of sexual excitement but the content grumbles of someone who was enjoying being adored.

“You falling asleep?”

Bucky released a pitiful whine and Steve saw his mouth poise to apologies, he stopped it with a sweet kiss before sliding away and pulling the brunette towards him.

“Sleep now Buck.”  
Steve pulled out the comforter and threw it over both of them.

Bucky yawned right on cue burrowing his face into Steve’s neck, “better not be a dream.” He muttered.

Steve pinched his arm in response and Bucky’s deadpan grumble of ‘ow’ made him laugh.

This was where Steve Rogers belonged, snuggled up in bed with a massive grin of his face, who could blame him when the man in his arms was Bucky Barnes.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Steve didn’t sleep, after spending six whole days under, his super body was buzzing. Bucky stayed in his neck, breathing softly making the hairs on his neck tickle. He kissed his head, his jaw all the available places he could reach without disturbing him. He was eager to ravish attention on the brunette, breathe him in and smother him with sweet touches, but Bucky was exhausted, not waking under Steve’s firmer presses of mouth.

A low rumble bubbled in his stomach, reminding him his body needed some care too. He extracted himself from the sleeping man, finding some sweat pants in a drawer and a t-shirt that was a little too tight. He tiptoed into the kitchen, sure to leave the bedroom door wide open, so he’d hear the other man stir in his absence and return before he panicked.

Coffee, his body craved the potent taste of real coffee. He opened drawers and cupboards in search of some nourishment too, there wasn’t much, some crackers, bread that looked mouldy and some cheese that had greened at the edge. Steve had no clue what Tony used this apartment for, he was unaware of its existence until a few hours ago.  
He settled at the table, dipping his crackers into his coffee, which surprising worked alright. It was lucky when Bucky thumped into his back he’d already put his coffee cup down.

“Where d’ya go?”

His voice was dopey and sad, Steve tugged him round from the odd embrace and Bucky climbed onto his lap, legs hanging either side and head shoved in Steve’s neck again.

He was amazed that Bucky had woken and got to the living room without him hearing. Then he remembered watching Bucky in the dome, the way he disappeared and appeared, he still hadn’t asked about Bucky’s obvious skills.

“Needed a drink that’s all...”

Bucky mumbled a sorry into his neck, arms dangling over Steve’s shoulders.

“You gunna go to sleep like that?”

“Shhh cushion.” He muttered, and Steve laughed squeezing his sides.

“Very affectionate when you’re tired.”

Bucky’s mouth skipped along Steve’s collar bone and his heart quickened, “better make the most of it, when I’m awake I won’t be wanting this lovey-dovey stuff, I’ll be wanting something else.”

He shifted on Steve’s lap and all the blonde could do was think about how their crotches were millimetres away, Bucky wearing Steve’s clothes, as if he’d been claimed-

The door sounded with three solid beats.

“It’s Sam and Natasha sir, should I let them in?” Jarvis called.

Ruffling Bucky’s hair he nodded, and the door unlocked, Sam and Nat glared at the two in embrace before at each other.

“Shut up.” Bucky mumbled and Nat laughed.

“Looking good James...playing it cool I see...”

Bucky grumbled again before burrowing back into Steve and going quiet. Sam went through a list of questions Steve was positive Bruce had given him. When he started asking whether he’d had a bowel movement yet, Steve flushed and changed the subject quickly, what kinda morning talk was that?

Sam slapped his hands together, “Anyway, I come with gifts.”

“What’s that then?”

He grabbed the Tupperware box from Nat, opening it up for Steve to see.  
“For my special protein shake pancakes...”

Steve’s satisfied stomach clenched, his body protested but still he nodded and smiled.  
“That’s great Sam.”

The man couldn’t physically look any prouder, whistling his way to the kitchen, and getting out bowls and a frying pan.

“You gotta eat one too.” He whispered into Bucky’s ear.

He didn’t react, but he was far too silent to be asleep, Steve pinched his side and he reeled up.  
“Owww.”

“Oh your awake Buck, Sam’s doing us pancakes.”

The brunette narrowed his eyes at Steve and the blonde only bunched his lips in reply feeling smug.

“Plenty for you too, sleepy head.” Sam called.

Bucky rubbed at his eyes, “that’s great Sam, mind if I wait till I’m a bit more awake though, I’ll heat ‘em in the-

“What you talking about Buck, there a perfect start to the day.” Steve teased.

Sam nodded along, flipping the first one in the pan, “yeah, and you’ve had pretty much nothing to eat for six days...”  
Worry gnawed at Steve and he took Bucky’s face in his hands, stroking his cheek bones, Bucky ducked his gaze guiltily.

“You guys gunna start trading saliva then I’m gunna leave.” Nat muttered, but she was smiling brightly at the intimate moment.  
Pancakes served, Sam dug into his, smacking his lips and kissing his fingertips, “amazing!”  
Steve ate his doing his best not to look at Bucky, and Bucky did the same trying not to laugh.

Nat was darting confused looks between the two childish men, then scooped a piece of pancake and chewed on it.

“God, taste’s like flour...” She grimaced dropping the fork, “as much as I like ya Sam, I ain’t eating that.”

Sam looked momentarily offended before his eyes went wide, “you like me?”

Nat rolled her eyes, “yeah, I like ya.” She looked down at her watch before straightening up, “we’ll talk more about me liking ya later, I’m gunna be late for work.”

Sam was so happy he didn’t notice both Steve and Bucky hadn’t eaten their pancakes, instead they’d tried various ways of making their plates look more empty. Steve had folded his pancake over and over, and Bucky had cut his in small bits and arranged them like a game of Jenga.

“So Bruce said it’d be good if you get some exercise, take it easy though.”

Steve’s legs bounced with the need to run and stretch, “you gunna be alright if I leave you here.”

Bucky scowled, angling himself away from Steve, “I’m not a bloody dog Steve.”

“I know you’re not-

“Cuz if I was I’d be licking your face and drooling all over your crotch.”

Steve coughed awkwardly, rubbing his reddening face trying to gain control, all that visual did was remind him of nights ago when Bucky was on his knees-

“Right well, let’s go for a run now...an you can do...do whatever later.” Sam said, getting to his feet.

Steve was reluctant to follow, tentatively kissing Bucky’s mouth till he was more confident and then plundering it.

“Later.” Bucky purred.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

He ran his route in ruthless style, till the muscles in his legs burned and his chest heaved with breaths. He immediately felt better, lighter, as if the serum was spreading out in his body not clogging in his still limbs.

“Jesus Steve, you run like that the day after?”

He shrugged, patting Sam’s back in sympathy.  
“Soooo, Nat likes ya then?”

The other man smiled wide, “how could she resist me hey, and what about you and Bucky, draped on you like that.”

He was flushing, but that was secondary to the massive smile stretching his lips. 

His phone buzzed with a message from the man in question, he was out of the tower buying some food to stock their empty cupboards, at first Steve wondered why he hadn’t just ordered it to the tower but then he realised what a massive step Bucky was taking, leaving the comfort of the tower on his own.

“That him?” Sam asked.

Steve nodded, “yeah, gunna go meet him...I think Nat’s break’s right about now...”

Sam nodded, wiping the sweat from his brow, “might drop by then.”  
As Steve jogged away, he saw Sam lift both arms and take a sniff, grimacing at the odour.

 

Steve was stopped several times in the shop before he’d even spotted Bucky. He did autographs, smiled for photos and gave out hugs, all while being distracted.

Then he saw Bucky watching him, smiling adoringly across the room, Steve went to move towards him, escaping the crowd, but Bucky mouthed it was okay and Steve continued, keeping half an eye on the other man.  
Steve looked over to Bucky, he was stood in the fruit isle with a shy looking man. He noted Bucky’s tense body language, the way he backed off slightly.

Excusing himself from the public, he made his way over, puffing his body to full height. The man didn’t seem intimidating, wasn’t trying to grab onto Bucky like the Brock guy had, but Steve wasn’t taking any chances.

The man was holding two bunches of banana’s, face flushing. Steve stood beside Bucky to catch the end of the conversation.

“’m sorry...for the things I said to you, I was going through a really shit time and I know that’s not an excuse, but I didn’t mean the things I said, they were disgusting and not true...I tried to get your number from Alex to apologies but he wouldn’t give it to me, so I’m kinda glad I bumped into you, just so I could say...I’m sorry.”

He stopped his speech, scratching the back of his head. He looked ten times more nervous when he locked on to Steve. He went to walk away but stopped, mouthing popping open.

“You look really good.” He said to Bucky with a smile.

The man left and Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky with a soft grumble.  
“It’s okay Steve...he never hurt me.”

“He said awful stuff to you.”

Bucky puffed a breath, “I could handle it...”

Steve kissed his cheek, he didn’t agree that Bucky could handle it, no one, no matter how thick skinned could block out poison.  
“Can we go back now?”

Steve nodded, linking fingers with Bucky and strolling from the shop.

They’d barely made it into the elevator before they started undressing each other, Steve was aware there was a camera in there, so he halted Bucky from going any further than topless, Bucky was for his eyes only.

Slotting the key card into the door was difficult with Bucky sucking on his neck, grinding his body against Steve’s thigh. If anything, in that moment Bucky did remind him of a dog humping a leg, but it turned him on so much he almost pooled to the floor in a turned on mess.

The door swung open and Steve fell through, landing on the floor with a thud, he was about to start laughing, assuming Bucky would find it amusing too but Bucky was on him, attacking his sweat pants with a growl. The door was still wide open, Steve’s legs blocking it from locking, when Bucky’s mouth was on him he lost his protest, no longer caring that the door was wide and their activity was on display for anyone walking by.

His mouth was hot and slick and completely unforgiving, and when his metal fingers got under Steve’s shirt again, circling the nub of his nipple before tweaking it, he knew he wasn’t going to last, internally flushing at his lack of stamina when it came to Bucky’s mouth.

He realised the loud moans and groaned were coming from him and quickly bit on his wrist to shut himself up, Bucky wasn’t impressed, tugging Steve’s arm till it came away. He grabbed Steve’s hand placing it on the back of his head, bobbing up and down on his cock.  
Steve tangled his fingers through the soft strands, doing the same with his other hand and feeling the bobbing pace Bucky was performing, one more tweak of a nipple and he was coming with a stuttering howl of pleasure.

Bucky grinned up at him, red faced and panting, Jesus Steve had to bite on his wrist again, burning that image into his mind.  
They managed to get off the floor after an extended kissing session. Steve shut the door, pushing Bucky against the back of it and mouthing him senseless.

It was one thing experiencing a blowjob from Bucky, it was another to return the favour. Bucky undone was the hottest thing imaginable, panting and needy, and calling out Steve’s name, not one of his stupid nicknames but his actual name sounding wrecked.

It was a case of testing different pressures out, different speeds and angles. Steve relished in learning Bucky’s body, realising that Bucky liked a hell of a lot of sloshing tongue, especially on the tip. It made his legs tense, his hands clench and his flesh shake uncontrollably.

He erupted with a long drawn out fuck and a tug of Steve’s hair, Steve couldn’t help but smile smugly around Bucky’s cock, first blowjob and by the looks of Bucky he’d done it good. The brunette couldn’t even stand, sunk down on the door till Steve gripped him by the underarms.

“Bed.” Steve said, “nap, then we’ll go again.”

Bucky hummed happily, being carried into the other room, “sounds good.” He yawned.

Cuddled up in their bed, legs slotted, arms winding. It was the most content feeling in the world and Steve was determined to fulfil his promise and make Bucky happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just the little epilogue then I'm done.  
> Phew.


	25. Extra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seeeeeeeeeeeeex

Steve glanced behind him with a fond smile, the howling commandos were poised ready to go. The ground beneath Steve’s feet was slippery and wet, the sky was dark, smoke bellowed blocking the sun. A breath through his nose had the smell of earth and fire.  
It wasn’t his happy place, but a place where he felt normal, himself.

A hand clapped down on his shoulder.

“You alright? Ready for this?”

Concern shone in Bucky’s eyes, he didn’t remove the weight but pulsed it.  
Bucky was by his side, black camouflage gear with knives strapped all over himself. He stood with confidence, no longer whipping his eyes away from Steve’s. Since he saw Bucky train with Clint, he wondered whether him and Bucky would make a good team, turns out they did.

Bucky mentioned he trained with Delta force, recruited by his father when he was just sixteen. After his parents died, he swore to Becca he wouldn’t do it anymore, wouldn’t put himself in that kind of peril and he didn’t, he kept his word to keep her happy, but he did train with Steve, using the Dome as a video game for fun.

It was the first time Steve had run this particular programme with Bucky, the howling commandos storming a compound of red skulls. Rescuing hostages and taking out Hydra agents. It was a real operation Tony had done his best to recreate, back in 1942 the red skull had escaped, but here in the dome, Steve could take his revenge on him.

“Jarvis, let’s do this.” He called.

The scene started, the flashing of fire and the zipping of bullets, the howling commandos were at his back, and Bucky was by his side. They worked in a pack to take down the enemy, Bucky’s accuracy at throwing blades was astounding, and there was no fear of accidentally catching him with the shield. The arm grabbed it effortlessly, Frisbee throwing it back and taking out the enemy.

The hostage’s were secured, hydra agents dead, just one remained. The red skull, they bounded stairs, covering for each other, and sussing out still lingering threats.

The red skull stood, cackling across at them, and when that monsters eyes fixed on Bucky, Steve’s heart jumped to his throat.  
Bucky just pouted, flipping a blade in his hand before launching it before the hologram could react, straight in the neck the red skull coughed, dropping down to his knees before Steve finished him with a smash of his shield. Bucky nodded his approval, walking up. Steve was struck by how right it felt, having Bucky with him even in the war. He was supposed to be with Bucky, his heart tugged when the brunette pushed a kiss to his stunned cheek.

“An I thought I was hideous.” Bucky laughed, removing his knife from the hologram before it pixelated away.

“Never been hideous.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, wiping the knife on his clothing out of habit. His expression dropped into one of sadness.

“What is it?” Steve asked.

Bucky shuffled and Steve thought he wasn’t going to answer but then he said, “on the hike, the ridge...you like that Bucky...”

Steve frowned, not understanding Bucky’s meaning, “yeah I liked him.”  
The ‘when he wasn’t being a shit’ was implied...

The other mans shoulders dropped and his head tilted to the floor.  
“But, I don’t look like him anymore...”

A lightbulb flicked on in Steve’s head and he slid his hands up to Bucky’s face.  
“I thought you were hot on the hike, but now...I know you’re a whole lot hotter, I liked him, but I lust for you and I love you, want you, as you are right now.”

Bucky looked at him shyly, twitch in his lip, “you like me all rugged-

“Rugged and handsome, hell yes.”

Bucky’s arms came up, securing around the back of Steve, “and you’re the pretty boy that fell for the bad un’.”

“You’re not bad.”

His eyebrow quirked, and the smug smile returned, “pretty mad at me last night.”

Steve moved his hand into Bucky’s hair, scratching his scalp, “well you did tease me for hours.”

Bucky pouted, nodding slowly, “you wanted to build up your stamina, so I helped you...”

Squeezing him tight, Steve shoved his face in Bucky’s neck and blew a raspberry till he laughed, wiping away at the wet patch left.  
Bucky then went very still, watching him with dark eyes and a hint of mischief.

“Ready to lose your V plates Steve?”

He gasped, staring into the bold eyes of his lover. They’d been getting closer, but he didn’t want to push Bucky into something that could be damaging. But, yes more than anything Steve wanted to experience that with Bucky, that final level of intimacy.

“If you’re sure Buck...”

He nodded, nuzzling his nose against Steve’s.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Steve didn’t question it when Bucky chose the couch not the bed, he had an inkling it was something to do with Brock but didn’t want to ask and sour the mood.  
After an extended kissing session with them both flushed and raging hard, Bucky pulled a bottle of lube from the back of the couch.

“You know I hate you putting stuff down the couch...”

“This is lube, not wrappers, and it’s always handy to have lube stashed about the place, the amount you want it...”

Steve playfully swatted the brunettes thigh and Bucky smirked in reply. Steve ripped the condom open, sliding it in place while Bucky stretched himself open.

It was all very mechanical until the condom was in place and they started kissing again, making out as if they hadn’t paused to prepare. Steve shyly experimented with stretching Bucky out, loving the reaction and the enthusiasm Bucky pushed back. Bucky was hot and intense and putting his fingers inside of him had a whole other aspect of lust growing. 

“Fuuuck Steve.”

That only made the butterfly’s in his chest tingle in excitement, at the exact same moment an ache of want grew in his gut.  
Bucky seemed to feel the same ache, kneeling up and gripping onto Steve leaking cock. He lowered himself slowly, groaning the way down, before lifting and doing it again.

Steve was pretty sure he’d died and gone to heaven, his body was positively vibrating with happiness, his cock was pulsing with pleasure and the look of Bucky, completely ruined, gasping and moaning while riding him. He muted his own groans, forcing his brain not to register them, and just listened to the sexy music of Bucky’s mouth.

He itched to touch, to grip and thrust up but he didn’t want to ruin it, didn’t want Bucky to fear him ever. His fingers gripped the couch, toes curled against the floor in effort not to thrust back and take over.

“I trust you.” Bucky panted.

That was the problem, Steve knew he did and didn’t wanna fuck it up, ever.

“I know you’ll stop if I ask ya.” Bucky rushed out.

Steve internally nodded, yes he’d stop, he’d never hurt Bucky-

“Please Steve, have me.”

Those words had his hips snapping forward, before he could worry he’d fucked up, Bucky moaned, shouting out yes, and Steve did it again and again, overwhelmed at the sensation and the sight before him.

Steve caged his arms around Bucky’s back, getting to his feet, both Bucky’s arms and legs wrapped around him tight. Against the wall Steve could thrust harder, eyes wide open ready to spot a flash of pain.

Bucky’s mouth hung limp, his cheeks were rose red and his eyes were shut, lashes fluttering. Steve had to look away not to come at that point. Trying to reign in his emotions. He loved this man, had felt a stinging loneliness before he came along, and now they were together-

“Stop thinking!” Bucky gasped.

Steve listened, wiping his sweaty forehead on Bucky’s chest before continuing, sinking into the moment and joining Bucky in his breathless moans. The tingling started and his thrusts got feverish, he gripped onto Bucky cock making him cry out. Moving his hand and body in time they both released together, dropping over into oblivion with silent cry’s.

The minutes afterwards were hazy, Steve still pinned Bucky to the wall, getting his rampant heart under control, Bucky lay kisses all over Steve’s face whilst making a purring sound.

“Is this the affectionate bit that comes after?” Steve asked with a smile, brushing his nose along Bucky’s jaw.

“Hmmm, not yet...once more would be good.”

Steve’s eyebrows shot to the top of his head, “oh yeah?”

“Yep...shower.”

He was unsure whether that meant Bucky wanted to have a shower first, but it was clarified when they climbed in the cubical. Under the spray Bucky turned his back to Steve, whining out a please.

Steve’s hands found the brunettes hips, and he was pushing in again, Bucky thrusting back with needy moans. The warm spray trickle over them, Steve rutted, pushing Bucky against the cool tiles making him gasp. He wormed a hand round Bucky, touching him in time with his movements, Bucky came against the tiles, and the sight of his release running down the wall had Steve following with an almighty howl.

“Fuck Bucky...”

“Jsss did.” He replied, defiantly more sluggish that earlier.

Steve ruffled his wet head, “aww, is this the soppy moment?”

“Damn right it is, get me in that bed and snuggle me up jerk.”

He did, eagerly. Pulling Bucky to his chest with a happy sigh.

“You know what Steve, you were right...”

He frowned, not knowing whether the sleep had already stolen Bucky and he was mumbling to a dream.  
“’bout what?”

Bucky rolled on top, rubbing his nose against Steve’s with a smile, “told me it was all gunna be alright....and it was.”  
Love surged in Steve’s chest and all he could do was bring Bucky down to him and connect their lips, it was going to be alright for the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you hugely for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos
> 
> <3

**Author's Note:**

> Don't be shy,  
> Come say hi.
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr](http://cookie-book-took.tumblr.com)  
> 


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